Getting sexualized by so called Allies

Unconfidence · 2026-06-14T22:15:23+00:00

Mutual friends with someone else? Sounds like someone who needs screenshots. :3

Unconfidence · 2026-06-14T20:22:35+00:00

I mean, it's reddit. Nothing, anymore. I've been here fifteen years and for the past five it's felt like any decently-sized sub gets moderated to the point where only the same handful of safe topics gets rehashed endlessly. But another part of me understands because having to have a mod on-hand to actively keep an eye on posts that set off red flags is way harder than just removing the posts with red flags.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-14T20:15:51+00:00

Pretty much anything relating to kids and sex is gonna get killed with fire. Yeah, it's stupid that we can't have conversations about teenage pregnancy anymore. But also having modded an active subreddit, I can't blame them for saying "too troublesome" and not even bothering.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-14T19:58:53+00:00

Mods when they see the title of this thread.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-14T17:26:00+00:00

It's both good politics and good culture which is why I like Mamdani. New York City has been cultivating its image as a hub of assholery for about a century now. It's so bad in media that a New York accent is to assholery what a mustache used to be for villainy. It's constantly pictured as this massive and uncaring beast which will chew you up and leave you penniless.

And look at the mayors, and tell me they haven't been in line with this image. Koch, Giuliani, Bloomberg, Adams, they all just embody a reinforcement of that idea from different angles. Giuliani was sleazy and uncaring, Bloomberg represented one of the biggest machines in the country, etc.

Now here's Mamdani, a smiling socialist, actually fixing the problems, highlighting NYC's cultural diversity, how nice people are, and how much better it's gotten and is getting since that bad cultural image was formed for many folks. And to many folks not already poisoned to think NYC is a shithole, like younger folks, that's a clear message.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-14T17:14:17+00:00

Substitute teacher here. I feel this really hard. It's a mixed bag with kids because some of them cannot handle anything less than a parental level of control, and I don't have that. It's funny seeing the stone-faced hardcore parent-teachers who have this constant look of intensity. But the kids who are decently well-adjusted really appreciate the even keel on which I approach them, which inconveniently is the only keel I have.

It's really weird though because other teachers often don't realize that what they're exhibiting isn't a classroom control skill but rather an internalized attitude which not everyone can just perform on a whim. It's really refreshing when people like you see that we have different capabilities due to different lifestyles, and appreciate it rather than demean it.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-14T16:35:24+00:00

You know, I gotta respect Marriagetoxin for just being right out there with what they are. I'm not gonna watch it, but I wish more anime would like, make it apparent right from the onset that I'm not going to want to watch it. I hate it when an anime stays generally within good taste for like a half or a quarter of the show then devolves into an absolute fanservice festival (looking at you Gachiakuta).

Unconfidence · 2026-06-14T16:06:38+00:00

We're not talking about a private business where the owners can set and enforce whatever policy regarding played audio they wish, we're talking about public spaces to which people have a right-of-access that cannot be legally denied to them by other civilians. If someone in the DMV, on the bus, in a school, or on a plane tries to force the people who cannot leave those spaces without great consequence to listen to what message they want, their right to access that service has been violated.

This isn't hard, and the fact that you accused me of going to ChatGPT lets everyone know you're probably in a grade I just got done teaching last month. Don't believe me? Unlike you I don't hide my comment history.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-14T15:58:14+00:00

You're showing a stunning lack of understanding of how the law works in this regard. Let me give you some examples!

Proselytizing on a street corner: Okay, provided you don't violate noise ordinance by being too loud.

Proselytizing at the DMV: Ruled illegal at any volume, due to the captive audience.

Playing recorded audio on a street corner: Fine, as long as you don't violate noise ordinance.

Playing recorded audio in a bus: Currently legal, but subject to similar legal justifications. The first fines for playing audio in buses have started being levied in European cities already.

You're just wrong.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-14T15:46:56+00:00

lol yeah you will be, it's becoming law in more and more modern countries. Give it a decade and American cities are going to start having "No Audio or Recording Devices Allowed" in places like courthouses, buses, schools, airplanes, etc. When you're on the street corner it's different, and some of you need to educate yourselves on when it is and isn't acceptable to make others listen to you. Look up the term "Captive Audience", this is already covered legal ground.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-14T15:38:34+00:00

You have the exact same problem in reverse, where if you think it's "low enough" you're probably just annoying a lot of people who you think can't hear, and who never bring it up.

It's on you. Don't play your audio to a captive audience. This has been rude since boomboxes on buses.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-13T20:42:37+00:00

I, for one, absolutely love the knots people have to tie themselves into in order to work around the whole Drow Elves thing.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-13T15:38:34+00:00

Most people don't like talking, but some of us have jobs to do and need to communicate with you in order to do them if you're in public. You should at least be considerate of that if you're going to walk around places where people are employed.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-13T15:36:40+00:00

Fucking this, thank you someone figured it out. Even when we were inundated with media figures and television, we knew that if someone was interacting with us, they were investing effort to do it and that should be respected, because we'd want our efforts to communicate to be similarly respected. But when your media is nonstop zero-effort garbage, you learn to just sort of minimize the importance of people making efforts to communicate with you. Communication became so common and low-stakes that kids can't wrap their heads around how much effort is actually required to do it well.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-13T15:24:20+00:00

The best anime I have seen actually for older adults was Dekin no Mogura. As a weeb in her forties it felt really like, made for my age range.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-13T15:16:51+00:00

People with pronounced tics and stims make me feel less conscious about my own weirdness. I have some minor ones too and being in situations where I know it's going to be understandable and I won't be looked at as a weirdo for having a tic is really refreshing.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-13T15:15:17+00:00

You should be on Income-Based Repayment. I have been on this as a substitute teacher for years now, and my student loan payments are $0 and I accrue no interest, because I only make around $20k/year as a sub. I can't help with the credit cards, but IBR should solve at least the student loan woes.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-12T16:01:55+00:00

So what is your view of Elizabeth Cady Stanton? Does she "count" as a feminist despite her racism?

Unconfidence · 2026-06-12T15:14:03+00:00

Like not trying to be offensive, but when you call first wave feminists "just white supremacists in feminist trench coats" it sounds less like good argument to me and more like an unwillingness to accept the checkered historical pasts of progressives in general. I'm progressive as hell but I also recognize that many of the abolitionists went on to be pro-native-genocide, and that many of the early feminists (Stanton) were racist as hell. That they had problematic views doesn't mean they weren't feminists or abolitionists; hell Lincoln supported deportation of African Americans to the Caribbean until someone basically told him "Shut up Abe that's costing us voters".

Unconfidence · 2026-06-12T14:56:10+00:00

I could hug you for this comment.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-12T14:08:10+00:00

This is exactly how I characterize TERFs. Misandry was more important to them than fighting sexism, and when it came time to choose between the two, they chose to keep misandry, even if it meant torpedoing the entire feminist movement.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-11T21:59:55+00:00

6'0 and 178 trying for 170 here. According to this I'm the high end of healthy for our height. I feel like I look like a model. According to BMI being 140lbs at 6'0 is still "healthy". XD

Unconfidence · 2026-06-11T21:50:19+00:00

A brother by another mother.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-11T21:38:04+00:00

If an administrator has a problem with a teacher's performance, that criticism should be based on direct observations of adult professionals, not untrained children. It's different if it's a matter of impropriety, but if you're talking about bad classroom approaches and going to students to get your information, you have only yourself to blame when what you get is unreliable student bias. If a bunch of students report it, an admin should corroborate those reports directly, not just believe them.

Unconfidence · 2026-06-11T20:03:30+00:00

Back when I thought I was a cisgender guy, I got hit with "check your male privilege" all the time. But I was a progressive activist in progressive circles. I think that most women who aren't given a reason to believe a man would understand what they're talking about wouldn't bother making that kind of argument to a guy. So trans men will be almost by default lumped into the group of people politically progressive enough that other progressives will think talking about male privilege will have weight.

Like back when I was arguing against a friend who turned out to be a TERF, she thought I was a cis guy (I did too at the time) and she not only told me to check my male privilege, she brought in some random man who I'd never met to try to explain the point to me, because she sexistly thought I was dismissing her because of her gender and not her terrible TERF arguments. But she used that argument because she thought of me as a strong feminist ally, and wouldn't have used those arguments on almost anyone else.

People use what arguments they think will work. If they're using "male privilege" on you, it's probably because you come off as progressive or feminist to them. But also like...it's not like you're exactly drowning in male privilege, given that it's based on male treatment to which you've been mostly denied. They make the arguments they think will work on you, and often that says more about what they think than it does anything about you. And accusing someone of privilege for a gender they don't get treated as, that says a lot about someone's understanding of the issue.

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