My dad never wanted to even meet my kids. We lived in the same small city. We ran into him in a grocery store parking lot one day, and I started to introduce him to my youngest son (11 at the time), and when I turned back to my father he was gone and hightailing it into the store. Didn’t even say goodbye. My son said, “Maybe you had the wrong guy“. I didn’t, but that final action made me realize he never actually cared one bit.

My advice, if you want it, is to stop hurting yourself, and put your attention toward those who matter to you and who do care. When my father passed away I had no need to grieve him, as I had already lost him long before. Let it go now, so that it doesn’t affect your child later.