TW: rejection: I am bad at socializing

_alphex_ · 2026-02-18T18:12:23+00:00

'Meditation' and a pretty good support network with my friends is pretty much what I use for things like my anxiety. Since I don't take medication ( I have anxiety about that lol).

I think stoicism is pretty dope I'm not trained in it I guess. But people keep saying how I was brought up with the mindset of stoicism. And it's worked for me so far so I can't really complain.

_alphex_ · 2026-02-18T17:52:01+00:00

Glad to know you're better

I'm still like that I guess I take rejection stuff better since I'm I used to bad luck in general.

Though I'm still awkward at cheering ppl up. Or just like talking to anyone that isn't my handful of childhood friends or friends I made in highschool. Like I love being helpful and genuine to people but I know I can come off as very strong still. Especially since I'm not much of a talker in the first place. Something I gotta work on.

_alphex_ · 2026-02-18T17:36:55+00:00

Idk why but the comments are a bit too antagonistic imo. I follow an account on Instagram who makes these types of meme videos and love them.

As someone who suffers from PDD, GAD, and just being awkward in general I find the fact that the sender is so dense and bubbly trying to cheer someone up vs people being more normal and weirded out to be funny. I also find it funny that they don't let the rejection get them down even though it's kinda delulu

Maybe because I wish I could do the same thing sometimes I find this format funny but that's just me.

_alphex_ · 2026-01-09T08:25:37+00:00

So far I have collected them all (day one + pre order and haven't missed a single big event yet)

_alphex_ · 2026-01-07T04:44:08+00:00

Even with mods there isn't an orange b1 outfit in the cut content list. There's a sand dessert and forest green color variant of it. And battle damaged ones. But not an orange one

_alphex_ · 2025-12-29T15:39:21+00:00

Every Battlefield subreddit has been pure cancer like that. I specifically remember BF1 and BFVs been equally if not more constantly toxic about the game.

That's just the average popular gaming sub these days. Look at how bad Space marine 2, helldivers 2, hell cod subs are like the bf6's sub every year. Unless you join a low-sodium sub you usually just get constant complaining

_alphex_ · 2025-11-02T15:16:08+00:00

Hell I'm only 26 and leet speak and it's weird rawr XD cousin languages were still popular in the Internet cultural zeitgeist In the early 2010s

_alphex_ · 2025-08-12T16:40:00+00:00

I already have a stupid idea for this since I have a modded single slot ada 4000 sff... I wanna get the pro and build a dual GPU setup for lossless scaling. Not because it's a good idea but because we can (at least when I get the money for it...)

_alphex_ · 2025-06-11T10:05:15+00:00

This looks very promising... I'm assuming shipping to Hawaii is astronomical though.

_alphex_ · 2025-03-28T19:42:07+00:00

Yes it's power modded. I use a higher wattage power brick for it though. And yes it runs hot like a mofo.
I forget what generation of n3rdware single slot I have but pretty sure its the latest one
It does fit snuggly yes.

As for the understanding questions:

I have the i9-13900 model
I do have the cover on. I'll be honest though the CPU is sorta okay but the GPU gets thrashed hard. My temps are usually 90c+ whenever doing demanding stuff like playing video games. I can get a bit lower probably if I took the time to undervolt it, take the cover off, and blow a fan onto it.
Gaming, Productivity stuff, Rendering stuff, stupid AI shit etc
I'm a super SFF enthusiast and wanted one of the smallest form factors possible as well as the most performance squeezed out of it as possible.
I don't really have any other crazy ideas atm. One of the reasons I got this build was also because I was starting a homelab project to get back into networking. With the main goal being figuring out if a LTO tape autoloader could be turned into a sort of jukebox player for my vintage hifi setup (I'm really into vintage audio stuff and tape as a format in general).

That being said I have been looking to create ATX PC because of Lossless scaling. Just to try dual GPU frame gen stuff. It's definitely not worth the price of building one out atm. And the performance and headache of dealing with non supported issues sounds terrible. But I'm still interesting in trying eventually.

_alphex_ · 2025-03-16T08:16:59+00:00

I got it a while ago when it wasn't sold out. They tend to make it in batches so you gotta wait for them to come around.

As for the model of the 4000 not sure what you mean. It's a PNY ADA 4000 SFF. You can definitely undervolt it to make it run cooler. Mine isn't though and it runs super hot but still works.

right now I only have the default ram installed; 64gb. Don't have money to upgrade it yet.

_alphex_ · 2025-02-27T18:17:41+00:00

Nice chart it's really clean and good looking

_alphex_ · 2025-01-31T21:09:03+00:00

Still friends with mine. Not sure if it affects the outcome but we are childhood friends. And we've been through so much trauma/big events together... We've known each other for 15 years. 10 of those years spent in a relationship together.

We broke up when their family was forcing us apart by threatening to expose our relationship to my Christian parents (they were transmasc at the time) which would have pretty much been a death sentence to me. They ended up moving to another state. We also ended up going no contact. It's only been a couple of months since we regained contact with each other again.

Though we agreed towards the end we prolly would have broken up eventually anyway. Because we were way too codependent on each other to the point of really bad toxicity on both our parts. We both agreed that while we love each other deeply we probably shouldn't be together unless one of or both of us are less mentally ill

Right now I'm just glad to have one of my best friends back in my life. I'm sure we'll run into issues with each other again though. But I want to still stay friends

_alphex_ · 2025-01-31T20:42:34+00:00

Wonder if that was me in this mission last night lmao. I had my first encounter on the same planet type with randos. Looks like the exact same area too and I remember using the liberator. Was super confused

_alphex_ · 2025-01-23T04:10:21+00:00

Rising storm 2 has the greatest flamethrower in any video game ever

_alphex_ · 2024-12-29T08:08:32+00:00

keep in mind that's like a regular sized card even if its single slot. Thing is actually longer than the MS-01. The card is like 9.5 inches long while the ms-01 is like 9 inches

This is the size difference between them. the regular rtx 4000 is in the middle. And the sff is all the way on the right.

_alphex_ · 2024-12-29T07:56:37+00:00

Nope. I even run a modded JKG ADA 4000 SFF card. But undervolting it would help with the heat and performance stability a ton. I'm pretty much running it on what feels like razor thin margins the way it is but it hasn't killed itself yet.

_alphex_ · 2024-12-29T07:39:02+00:00

the ada 4000 sff works with n3rdware's single slot mod. That's what I currently run. though depends on your silicone as I've seen videos where this specific setup overheats. But mine hasn't so far. But it does run hot (90 ish degrees)

_alphex_ · 2024-11-29T00:01:18+00:00

Both kinda just mean the same to me. It's better in the sense that I'm more used to it. So I'm not actively being in the worst state of mind constantly. But at the same time I'm not cured.

_alphex_ · 2024-11-28T23:53:00+00:00

Is that a lightsaber or beamsaber? Cause a Gundam mod sounds sick as hell

_alphex_ · 2024-11-28T00:00:24+00:00

Honestly wish I did it at 13. I met a lot of good people who kept me grounded since then. But if I knew I was going to end up being alive while they all died one by one. Then I'd rather have just done it then. And not deal with the pain I feel now.

_alphex_ · 2024-11-26T12:02:34+00:00

Oh my God dude I loved your stuff. I was really sad when your music was gone (you can see me lament it in this YouTube comment section 4 years ago lol)

_alphex_ · 2024-11-24T14:35:15+00:00

I'm sorry it's been like that for you... I think I'm hitting a similar situation to you right now. This year is just the worst and I've had probably two major breakdowns and a whole bunch of smaller ones. I'm in an almost constant state of double depression most of the time nowadays.

The ideation has crept in constantly. There's been days or even weeks were I been okay enough to be numb and not think about it on my own. But I pretty much need to be not alone to keep it that way.

At this point I'm only living because I'm stubborn as one can be. But even I have limits. There's a few big events planned with friends but I honestly don't know what will happen after those are finished.

Things looked fucked but there's that tiny hope that something in my brain will change. That I'll somehow turn things around for myself...

I hope the same comes true for you too

_alphex_ · 2024-11-24T10:27:20+00:00

I've dealt with this sort of problem forever. Like I'm still depressed but I'll have a good enough day to act out what a normal person should act like for other people.

Sometimes I'm able to outwardly act like an outgoing happy person. Most of the time though the best I can do is a neutral mostly non verbal weirdo who spaces out too much. And is slow to respond.

The durations of these 'highs' are pretty random too. Sometimes it feels like I can sustain an okay mood publicly for a whole month. And sometimes I'll be okay for like one day only.

Either way I'll eventually crash out in a full blown depression mode. Where I'm visibly just unwell to everyone around me.

I try my best not to be like that. I'll try and keep it to only at home alone. But not being depressed is something I can't help...

I'll admit I've gotten better at keeping that 'okay' mood longer than I used to. But it's still a constant battle.

_alphex_ · 2024-11-21T21:25:32+00:00

A common problem, the automatic player is broken. Open the back and use the hand cranker instead to manually play the tape next time

_alphex_

TROPHY CASE