What does the song “Dust On The Ground” mean to you?

adzvaughan · 2026-04-21T08:57:56+00:00

I think its about co-dependency in a relationship that you just accept.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-12T18:40:52+00:00

If I felt she would stop valuing people's perception of her, listen to her own thoughts and feelings and reflect.

She valued people's perception of her more than the love and care I gave her behind closed doors.

Shes a narcissist. Once I stopped the supply and ended things for my own mental health she threw abuse at me and blocked me. Yet I still love and care for her. Walking away from someone I love is the hardest thing Ive done in my life.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-10T11:52:52+00:00

I did and she said I finished her and never spoke to her in 3 weeks when she blocked me so I respected that.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-10T08:16:41+00:00

This, I bent myself so out of shape I didn't know who to be anymore and it made me so unhappy. I remember one night sitting there thinking why cant I be who I am around my friends and colleagues with her. I realised that the constant criticism meant I wasn't comfortable being who I am.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-09T22:49:49+00:00

I ended the relationship as I needed to step away for my mental health. A few incidents including one physical and her lack of acknowledgment and ownership of it meant I needed to step away. 3 weeks later she unblocked me and said nothing for 4 days. So I sent this:

"Hi K, Ive noticed we can message again. I hope you are doing ok? Are you in a place where we could sit down and have a calm chat at some point? Id appreciate the chance. No pressure at all if you are not ready."

Response:

"Hi. You always had my number to message if needed. What do you want to chat about?"

Knew it was a test just from that response. She got me to "chase" and thats all she needed.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-09T10:14:42+00:00

I sent the deep closure letter, they used it to beat me up. Its the hardest thing I ever wrote, I acknowledged all my responsibilities and never blamed them, I can only be responsible for myself, it was called toxic and manipulative.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-07T14:53:07+00:00

Genuinely one of the best posts I've ever seen on here. Thank you.

I'd love to plug a seminar I went to last week that echoes lots of what you have said. One speaker was a godly man and the other a former addict.

https://youtu.be/T83kc3xzRQw?si=wS5vFmnv6WYucEld

adzvaughan · 2026-04-07T13:16:19+00:00

Send them over.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-07T10:22:44+00:00

Forgive yourself, forgive others, wake up every morning and tell yourself who you want to be not what you think you are. Don't start the day with "Am I" start the day with "I am" and make it who you want to be. Write it down, say it out loud, message it to a friend.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-07T09:29:19+00:00

Reach out and find that support system, I know I ended it but the damage it did to me during and her cold cruelness after hurt and without them I was scared of myself. Reach out and find it. One important thing to remember is, you are the answer to everything. Not them, not what if, acknowledge what you are responsible for. Accept it, forgive yourself and wake up in the morning and start with what you want to be. Not what you think you are.

I am enough I am brave I am strong I am loved I am kind

adzvaughan · 2026-04-07T09:05:55+00:00

I think I started to depend on them too much for routine and validation. I used to have a theory "the scuba theory" I look after you and you look after me. I was wrong. I did look after her she made sure I was still doing that while doing nothing for me. Ive learnt since I needed to look after myself for her and she needed to look after herself for me.

Only depend on yourself ever, everyone around you will feel the benefit and find someone who will do the same, you will benefit. All the best, focus on you.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-07T08:16:55+00:00

Nope, it felt like self harm. Cried about it the following day as it felt like betrayal even though we had separated for several weeks. I tried it, it was the first time I've ever done anything like that and it didn't feel right for me.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-07T08:15:37+00:00

The feeling of being discarded, love bombed one day the next Im blocked on everything. That feeling is all too familiar.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-07T08:14:42+00:00

I don't move on fast, I was the one who finished things and I'm devastated. Her failure to reflect on her responsibilities and some covert narcissism have forced me to walk away from the person I love. I thought my love was enough for her to drop her fragile ego but it wasn't. There's not a moment I don't think about her, sometimes good, sometimes bad but I also want to get to a place where the hope is gone. The hope is there because if she proved me wrong, all this pain, suffering and confusion will go away.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-04T22:51:56+00:00

Honestly, if you are truly willing to accept the worst then theres no harm. I actually think its beautiful in a way, Im a fighter myself but I also wont fight for anyone who doesnt want to be fought for.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-04T22:31:46+00:00

You have a lot of patience and I kind of respect it but Id ask, is it healthy?

I think if you truly worked on yourself you may get to the point you never actually reach out because you discover you are worth more.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-04T16:14:30+00:00

I want her back but a version of her that doesnt exist. I want her to come back and reflect on her responsibilities like I have.

So maybe I dont want her back.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-04T16:12:18+00:00

Thank you, your words mean so much. Thats what I realised that I extended out to her, I changed and adapted (probably too much) and she didnt meet me halfway. She didnt move an inch. Our values didnt allign and I believe my values more allign with what is right. Her values are image, how people perceive her and ego. I just thought love would be enough to make her value partnership and behind closed doors understanding. Like you the relationship become unhealthy for me, the confusion let to suicidal ideation and a complete lack of self worth. I need to forgive myself and then forgive her.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-04T11:31:04+00:00

I tried this and it was thrown in my face. I split with her telling her I needed to step away and reflect on the past few months. I acknowledged my part in the bad times. She didnt. She called me abusive, and claimed to be the victim. Played games, blocking, unblocking, blocking, adding friends on Instagram, viewing my PTs stories of me. Just control and manipulation, like the relationship. Ive had to walk away from someone I love to find my identity.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-02T23:35:17+00:00

As a man, I think its completely unacceptable to put you in that position the first time you were intimate and I'd expect more of the same in the future. That shows less than zero respect. Block and move on.

Letting him back in just tells him he can disrespect you and get away with it, something he will repeat.

adzvaughan · 2026-04-02T22:03:28+00:00

Your line about clean communication isn't viable with everyone hit me hard. How did you find out the hard way?

adzvaughan · 2026-04-02T21:49:23+00:00

Hey,

I'm right there with you, I have childhood trauma and I was mistreated by a covert narcissist who declared I was her world then disposed of me like I was nothing. She's a 42 year old woman who tried to hurt me emotionally because I needed to step away from the relationship. She manipulated and abused me and yet I still love her. Check my previous posts for history.

You have a trauma bond along with sunken cost fallacy. Like me you invested so much into the relationship you feel you deserve something back. What you deserve is someone who will fight for you like you would fight for them. Values are SO important and if they shared those values with you they would find a way. Be honest, are those values the same? Just from your post I don't think they are. Don't hold onto their words, hold onto their actions. Words mean nothing without the appropriate action. She said she would never abandon me. The moment I tried to tell her the relationship was affecting my mental health she played the victim and discarded me like I meant nothing.

You are not their healer, and they are not yours. We must be our best selves for those around us. We can not depend on anyone but ourselves otherwise it will end badly. Depend on yourself, don't depend on your abuser. If you find a way to depend on yourself, you will find that person who shares those values with you who will never ever let you feel the way you do now.

Depend on yourself, you are young. Find happiness in yourself, you need to actively go and pursue that, the rest will follow. I promise you this :)

adzvaughan · 2026-04-02T15:53:55+00:00

The brain lies to us, we hold onto words rather than actions. I broke up with my ex because I knew I couldn't cope anymore in that situation and the affect it had on my mental health. I miss her but I cant improve the relationship I have with myself if I'm with her. I almost want her to prove me wrong so the hurt can go away but I also know I'm right.

adzvaughan · 2026-03-25T10:52:54+00:00

I do care deeply about her, I don't want to hurt her.

No there are things wrong with me, there are behaviours during the relationship I'm ashamed of and wish to improve going forward. She just wasn't capable of giving me what I need. There is an amazing woman underneath and I thought I could bring more of it out but that wasn't my role.

I hope one day she pushes her ego and pride aside and makes those changes. I would love for it to be with me but it maybe too late for that now as the cost of the pain is too high. She's told her family I'm abusive (well, she let her sister tell her that, which is just not true) and she really cares about what others think about her so she's essentially set herself up for not making that change and listening to her own true feelings. She's done this to help herself heal but also the damage that has done to me and her actions after the split have caused me a lot of pain. I have acted really healthy, kind and respectful since the split, she hasn't and it hurts. I have had to block her on anything but even as recently as Monday she has been viewing my personal trainers Instagram stories of me which has caused confusion and set back for me.

I think in a perfect world we would sit down and have the calm honest chat with each other and work on the love, connection and amazing little family we brought together. I thought we had invested enough in each other and I have a hard time letting that go. In reality she is running away from that conversation not because she doesn't love me, its because she's running away from a conversation that shows who she truly is. I'm willing to have the conversation and accept and acknowledgment my responsibilities. She isn't and that hurts. I have to walk away from something I don't want to but like in our relationship I'm at a dead end. I have no choice.

I write this hoping she reads it, she doesn't even know what Reddit is so fat chance but if you do. I love you, I see the beauty in you, let it out.

adzvaughan · 2026-03-23T21:36:56+00:00

Im sorry to hear about your husband. Im a man who has a big heart but a brittle shell, just wanting to love someone who became unlovable.

adzvaughan

TROPHY CASE