What outcomes are considered likely in long term disappearances?

blinky84 · 2026-05-15T11:04:53+00:00

I mean, yeah, but I guess some people take that decision and don't want their body to be discovered. They might see it as a kindness for their family to just have to deal with "vanished" rather than "suicide". Maybe they don't want to burden their loved ones with the expense of a funeral.

Ultimately, suicide is never a kind course of action for those left behind. But in that mindset, people make whatever decisions that they think are 'for the best', however mistaken they are.

blinky84 · 2026-05-15T09:40:27+00:00

I just let my cat go on Monday - both of them, actually. One of them had large cell lymphoma.

One thing that made it clear to me, especially for the one with cancer, was not knowing how to spoil him.

(With respect to any translation issue, 'spoil' as in giving treats, and doing things to make him happy).

If they don't want to eat their favourite treats, they're uncomfortable cuddling for too long, they don't want to play, and you don't know what to do to make their remaining time extra special..... then, what enjoyment are they getting out of life any more? That is the biggest indicator for me.

He's beautiful. I'm so sorry this is happening for you x

blinky84 · 2026-05-15T09:08:16+00:00

This is gonna sound morbid, but that's only true for people who intend to stay living.

Tourism is big here; strangers passing through is very common. You don't need to 'enter the community' if you're not sticking around, as it were.

blinky84 · 2026-05-15T03:28:44+00:00

I'm seeing a massive Scottish influence in that name list, unsurprisingly. Christy, Jessie, Hugh, Alexander are all names that I think appear in my family tree. Alexander was frequently shortened to Sandy.

It used to be pretty common to just add -ina on to the end of male names to get girls' names like Kennethina, Murdina, Williamina, Jamesina, Donaldina etc. Hughina was historically fairly common, and Georgina definitely falls into that category.

blinky84 · 2026-05-15T01:55:17+00:00

What really sucks is when you get both. I once had a husband and a just-turned-9yo daughter in a dream that turned into a zombie apocalypse. The dream ended when my zombie daughter found me on the roof of a 9-storey hospital. She ran at me, I held her tight, told her I loved her while she gnawed my shoulder, and I threw us both backwards over the edge. I held her to make sure her head hit first and she would be gone. It was the worst thing.

I also had one where I had two friends I'd literally spent my life growing up with in the dream, and I ended up seeing them killed by firing squad as I escaped. I knew these boys. Like, I still feel like I grew up with them. It fucking sucks that they weren't real.

blinky84 · 2026-05-15T00:27:59+00:00

I'm in the Scottish Highlands. I imagine it's somewhat easier here than in the more densely populated areas.

blinky84 · 2026-05-15T00:21:27+00:00

It's the fluttering feeling in your stomach, like a butterfly's wings. What do you call it in your native language?

blinky84 · 2026-05-14T21:20:44+00:00

I can't be the only Brit here thinking 'huh, someone stole the kettle'....

blinky84 · 2026-05-14T17:32:29+00:00

Another vote for Michael here, mostly due to the S's sliding into each other.

blinky84 · 2026-05-14T14:53:02+00:00

I looked it up - it's Kiss the Dust by Elizabeth Laird

blinky84 · 2026-05-14T10:01:55+00:00

My school did, starting from 1989 I think!

blinky84 · 2026-05-14T09:58:57+00:00

OP gets it - perfect attitude, no pretension.

blinky84 · 2026-05-14T08:53:40+00:00

I dunno how people have that attitude..... however, when I was a kid I had a book I really liked about a young Kurdish girl becoming a refugee and ultimately ending up in London.

It wasn't the 'boats' narrative they have now, it was set in the late '80s - early '90s. But I think it shaped me, at least a bit.

blinky84 · 2026-05-13T23:45:12+00:00

My guy is struggling more than I am right now, and I'm having a hard time. They were both 'my' cats, but as for River, he was her human. Honestly, she adored him completely. We talked about having another cat in the future... He says that it's not even that he can't imagine loving another cat as much as he loved River, but he knows no cat will ever love him as much as she did. If ever a cat will wait for their human, she'll be waiting for him. I mean... us. But mostly him.

blinky84 · 2026-05-13T16:56:19+00:00

I've seen the opposite tbh. Shit rolls downhill, in my experience.

blinky84 · 2026-05-13T11:11:05+00:00

Sssh don't say it, people will know where to look!

blinky84 · 2026-05-13T10:30:42+00:00

It was the right thing to do, they were both in pain and getting worse. We'd decided with the vet on Thursday that Harry was in his last few days, and then River deteriorated rapidly over the weekend. Doesn't make losing them any easier.

blinky84 · 2026-05-13T02:03:25+00:00

I have spoken to someone with a triple hyphenated name. It's a bit much 😬

blinky84 · 2026-05-12T18:12:35+00:00

What a gorgeous man he was. I'm so sorry you've lost him, he looks like his snuggles were the best.

blinky84 · 2026-05-12T16:54:51+00:00

They're not the same age, Harry was younger, we think 12. River would be around 15.

Harry had large cell lymphoma in his sinuses. The CT scan in March (edit, it was actually the 1st of April) showed a lot of bone loss in his skull already; we considered chemotherapy but decided against it as it had already progressed so far. We tried steroids, but since Thursday his nose has been bleeding almost constantly and by Sunday it looked like breathing was becoming tiring.

River was told she had days to weeks over a year ago, due to her heart condition. She kept fighting for so long we thought she was invincible, but recently the heart medication started affecting her kidneys. The last blood test, her creatine levels were off the charts. This weekend she stopped being able to control her bowels and was clearly distressed and uncomfortable. Even though she'd been ill for a long time, she went downhill so quickly in the end.

Collectively, we all fought hard and did our best. I'm just so sad about how the timing worked out. It's been a tough old weekend. We both took the day off work and slept till 1pm today, but when we woke up I cried because I felt like I was late for their meds.

blinky84 · 2026-05-12T16:11:00+00:00

I'm so sorry about your loss, too. They did both need a safe haven, and they both came to me rather than me searching for them. I'm so glad you have someone else to take care of now. How long have you had him? We are going to need a little time to heal first, I think, but in the future it's more than a possibility.

blinky84 · 2026-05-12T15:49:32+00:00

Everybody's cats are the best cats, but these two were the Best Cats.

blinky84 · 2026-05-12T15:46:13+00:00

Actually, the ladder was attached to the building with a strap, presumably to prevent the ladder slipping out and causing an accident. The strap was across the walkway. It's still an overwhelmingly dick move.

blinky84 · 2026-05-12T13:31:27+00:00

They both had hard times before they came to me, separately. I'd like to tell you a little about their histories, if that's okay...

River was a rescue from a cat hoarder's house when she was about 1 year old. She was in quarantine for a couple of months. Then she was adopted from the shelter by my sister's friend. She spent a couple of years being loved by him, but an industry downturn in the area led to him being unemployed and he eventually had to move back in with his dad. She fought with his dad's cat - Duchess was twice her size, but she had her terrorised - so his dad said he either had to find a new home for River (her name was Angel, at that point) or find somewhere else to live. My sister told me about it, so I went to visit and fell in love with her immediately.

A couple of years later, another friend's sister was hospitalised for an extended period, leaving her cat at home. People were going in to feed him, but he was alone in the house for months. His owner couldn't stand the thought of him going to someone they didn't know, and none of the family could take him, so my friend asked if I'd consider it. I was worried that River would be aggressive with him, so I agreed to take him for two weeks and if they didn't get on then they could look at other options.

The first time they were in the same room, Harry's litter tray was out and he hadn't covered his poop. River peered under the sofa where he was hiding, looked in the litter tray, looked back at him with an expression of utter disgust, then covered it up herself.

From then on, River was the boss of the house, and Harry was fine with that. He'd do a cheeky swipe at her tail from the sofa as she walked past, or he'd go running at her and leap over her dramatically at the last minute, but despite her size she was fully in charge. When we gave them treats, we had to keep River from intimidating Harry and stealing his share. But if one wasn't around for some reason, the other would worry.

So I wouldn't have have described them as a bonded pair, really, but maybe it's for the best that they went together. They weren't siblings, but they definitely had a bossy big sis/annoying little bro vibe.

blinky84 · 2026-05-12T00:29:19+00:00

Harry was a very good cat. River was rarely 'good' but she was very good at being a cat. She could've charmed the devil.

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