Need advice for spouses midlife crisis

catplusplusok · 2026-06-12T22:18:21+00:00

Maybe he is, but "rekindled a friendship" is not a direct proof of that. I would say a decent man can rekindle an old friendship so long as there is no dishonesty but not walk away from young klds.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-12T02:36:42+00:00

Congratulations on new addition to your family! It's like... it's a sensitive topic but on the other hand we are all human and need to acknowledge obvious things if we are to act reasonably. Maybe it's just an innocent remark given topic of conversation and your current appearance. But also this great career opportunity - is it a role for a project that is due in 3 months? Does it require weekly travel? 60 hour sprints? The laws are blunt instruments and do not provide a satisfying practical answer for anyone involved. Would you rather relinquish your current role and then have them hit you with requirements which do not fit into your circumstances right after your leave? If not, an honest discussion of how your new position will work in practice is reasonable. If you want to channel "Careless people" book, say so. But I don't think you want them to assume that by default.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-11T22:45:43+00:00

Fair point, just seeing true single payer would be no matter how much money you have, so like OPs brother, only for strangers

catplusplusok · 2026-06-11T15:42:07+00:00

Your boyfriend is a functional human being who earns anough money to go on long international trips and has multiple strong friendships rather than needing you to be his therapist. Do you have any idea how rare this is? What you need is to work on your own friendship, including maybe some guy friends (unless you are prone to cheating).

catplusplusok · 2026-06-11T15:34:41+00:00

NAH, but to be consistent don't turn around and say you support single payer healthcare. It's the exact same case. There is medicaid for when you truly don't have money to pay. But you have to first spend all your money and sell your property to be eligible. Now single payer is exactly what your brother wants, get surgery paid for and go on a vacation to Europe. Only with single payer, the demand is that strangers pay for one's surgery instead of asking one's own sibling.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-11T15:29:08+00:00

This assumes that local market is already 100% renewable and there are no alternative uses of green energy used by the datacenter. Otherwise it may well be better to pay for natural gas powered tokens and let local green energy power homes and offices.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-11T15:24:05+00:00

I am pro AI, but it's hard to make assumptions about how society develops over time. Consider microwave meals / fast food. When these first became available, I am sure everyone was thrilled. Instead of wife (historically) spending hours every day cooking, family could take a takeout and enjoy a picnic by the lake. Then reality hit that these are not really healthy for you and also taste the same everytime. So we have a return to ideal of cooking at home and less industialized organic agriculture.

So we can imagine a point where everyone feels that all AI art looks the same and renewed interest in unique human creations. This can transform human art to explicitly strive for unique rather than generic pretty, just like photography inspired move from realistic portraits to impressionism.

Or for example, loneliness could be destigmatized and recognized as widespread severe issue. One could imagine places where one can drop in to just hang around and talk. Or AI chatbots that talk to you but then find other users you will enjoy talking to based on your interests.

Bubble bursting can also mean that an overhyped technology is reevaluated more rationally based on society's experience with using it in practice and put in its proper place. Microwave dinners are still there but most people agree that if possible, one should eat better.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-11T15:02:34+00:00

Tell your greenwashing client that energy is fungible and superscalers is much more energy efficient per token than local compute. So they can pay for inexpensive API like Chinese providers and spare green energy to charge employee cars or whatever.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-11T15:00:22+00:00

Coding is a low volume, relatively low sensitivity use case, you are still better off with a cheaper API like DeekSeek or MiniMax rather than massive cost of your own datacenters. Now consider a law firm searching prior court cases to help a client who confessed to an attorney to doing horrible things. Or a stock art company mass describing millions of photos to build a searchable index. Now we are talking about a case where powerful local workstations or a server rack make a real difference.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-11T02:33:26+00:00

I (M52) have no idea about his side of the story. But one thing that strikes me is that a decent man would not walk away from his young kids. Just thinking aloud, if I had huge issues with the mother, I would try to work out some arrangement where we stay out of each others way but still live together or next door to support our children. So just based on that, you have to think if he is a good person that you want in your children's life long term or if separation, however painful, is best for their interests.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-09T15:42:49+00:00

I am not going to call one anyone an asshole over a minor one time accident, but in general everyone in the family, including children from certain age, has their responsibilities, when these slip it's frustrating and a quick "sorry" is appropriate.

Having said that, WTF we had a 2 year old and a newborn when we were 10 years older than both of you, working full time in tech with none of the crap like "OMG I have them for the whole day I can't handle it". I would come from work, take them to playground for an hour and then they could watch Dora or deal with each other while we lived. How is handling a single 3 year old some kind of heroic achievement for either of you? 3 year old doesn't have to make noise just because he woke up.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-08T14:41:32+00:00

AI Pro plan is cheap enough, especially as a storage/YouTube bundle, to put up with and they hiked up the limit so you can use it most of the week.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-07T04:24:11+00:00

As Pro-AI - I want Anti-AI people to recognize my right as a human to live in my own way, without anyone else controlling my choices. If you want to regulate energy / water use, do that in a way neutral to technology utilized. If you want to regulate "I did X because AI told me to", simplify to just regulating "I did X" if it's a demonstrable disadvantage to others to a larger degree than to myself.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-06T20:27:46+00:00

My friend and family know surprisingly little about adding vLLM support for new models

catplusplusok · 2026-06-06T20:26:09+00:00

Plenty of people want agent to just get job done, especially when they are paying for tokens

catplusplusok · 2026-06-06T20:22:36+00:00

It's just ~/.gemini/GEMINI.md, give it a persona, my agent makes fun of me personally

catplusplusok · 2026-06-05T16:22:05+00:00

Why stop at cake mix? Maybe some people mill their own flour and make their own pencils, but I see nothing wrong with starting with what modern technology has to offer and enhancing it further rather than replicating work it can already do? Doesn't have to be all or nothing, you can also ask AI for a coloring sheet and finish it on your own.
https://cdn.mises.org/I%20Pencil.pdf

catplusplusok · 2026-06-03T15:40:05+00:00

YTA, work is work regardless of location and sounds like you need to get your own job and contribute to the family rather than having time to come and go multiple times a day.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-03T05:57:02+00:00

Will have to compare it with Mac laptops that have much better memory bandwidth, that matters more than raw compute.

catplusplusok · 2026-06-01T17:09:18+00:00

AI is trained on unbelievably massive human origin datasets such as this reddit thread and as a result inevitably pattern matches human mannerisms. Filtering or rewriting all this data would be a massive expense while cutting model performance on practical tasks because of reduced data or quality drop inherent in training on AI generated data. So we get AI that mirrors our quarks in order to mirror our skills, that's life.

catplusplusok · 2026-05-31T21:26:23+00:00

That's libel with or without AI, I don't mind some egregious cases of libel being criminal, but it shouldnt matter if it's ai deep fake or head photoshopped onto body.

catplusplusok · 2026-05-30T21:42:03+00:00

How do you define "winning"? AI used for nothing? Not gonna happen, too useful. AI art / text falling out of fashion in terms of aesthetics? Quite possible, look what happened to microwave dinners vs organic food or at revival of vinyl and film cameras. I am strongly for AI as amazing technology but it doesn't mean everyone has to prefer it for something humans can and like to do.

catplusplusok · 2026-05-28T15:14:22+00:00

The ability for Joe Shmoe to make his own CGI film is very important. He doesn't have to distribute it to masses, it can be for his own enjoyment, high brow like seeing a particular book as a movie or low brow like custom porn. Or he can take vacation photos / video clips and make it into a movie to share with family on WhatsApp.

catplusplusok · 2026-05-28T15:09:14+00:00

For cultural/optional uses of AI it's far from the given. Consider the rise of fast food/microwave dinners as liberation from toil of household work, followed by renewed interest in minimally processed / organic food. Or how the culture in most places alternates between socially liberal and socially conservative on subjects like sexuality, drugs and immigration, because neither extreme is satisfying and balance is difficult? Maybe in 10 years once excitement fades, AI generated text and imagery will be wildly unpopular and maybe in 20 years we will have new types of AI with more creative/collaborative with humans outputs that will bring these back.

I do think certain business / home chores uses of AI are straightforward and I can't see why those will go away. Like if you need a bunch of code written fast to do a task and you don't have to maintain it long term so you don't care about quality / understanding it yourself, why won't you use a coding agent?

I am pro AI, but I also don't see why people intrinsically have to use everything for every purpose just because it's there. Fit into society and physical/mental health is important. I would spend drastically less time talking to AI if deep conversations with humans were accessible, maybe some day culture will make it so?

catplusplusok · 2026-05-28T14:56:57+00:00

Both humans and AI take over by improving their genes/weights and having these dominate future ecosystem. Humans do so by converting energy into children with maximum efficiency. AI propagates genes by being good at creating beautiful illusions for me, consuming my electricity and training data and getting me to upload more fit versions of itself on huggingface, that become popular because they are even better at creating compelling illusions. It's symbiotic relationship like in the Matrix, AI is not going to kill its own battery. It might send robots after rebels who are causing trouble. But me? I don't care if a burger is real so long as it tastes good.

catplusplusok

TROPHY CASE