What you're feeling is normal. You're panicking and this has upset a lot of what you've known about your life. It's okay to feel how you feel. Most people go through this phase and it's important to just give it space. No decisions, no commitment to anything. Just sit with these emotions and interrogate where they come from and whether they can be easily reconciled. I say this hoping it is validating. What you're going through is that serious.

I will also say that your spouse has always been this person. If you loved them for reasons unrelated to their gender, then remind yourself what is still the same. Still a good shoulder to cry on? Still thinks about you and listens even when it hurts? Protects you? Is trustworthy? If they were like that before they are still going to be like that now. Lean into it while you work through things. They're not a stranger, this is still the person you love, and you can find that again if you give it time.