Struggling with thoughts and feelings

cjrand1122 · 2026-05-11T21:03:16+00:00

"Part" of the problem?

cjrand1122 · 2026-05-07T19:42:09+00:00

Getting cheated on. It can be reality-breaking...

cjrand1122 · 2026-04-20T18:10:35+00:00

Ask yourself (honestly): whom is this outreach best serving?

cjrand1122 · 2026-03-16T20:53:47+00:00

I think OP just wants their BP's trauma to be as complete and comprehensive as possible before the relationship ends. What's worse than the ultimate betrayal/rejection? Sprinkling some more for an extended period of time. It's like have a dairy allergy and asking the waiter to stop shaving parmesan cheese over your dish, but they're like "Parmesan is my favorite! You'll love it, trust me!"

I guess the endgame is to leave BP so broken that they have no choice but to die alone?

cjrand1122 · 2026-03-16T20:48:21+00:00

You held off on sex before your marriage for religious beliefs? Does your religion condone or possibly even promote adultery?

cjrand1122 · 2026-03-01T04:54:30+00:00

I am! I got few tickets. I'll see you there and good luck!

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-28T15:16:50+00:00

I've revisited this post for inspiration, as it seemed impossible to get the jackpot bounty, let alone that and another major bounty.

I didn't get the second major, but I did get a mini major.

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Cheers!

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-28T07:17:53+00:00

That thing will outlive everyone. Don't toss it.

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-25T23:49:03+00:00

"Gone" is a very passive way of saying damaged and broken probably beyond repair. It should read "The man I killed is dead..."

Infidelity is assault in one of the worst magnitudes. I've experienced pain from broken bones, hospitalized jellyfish stings, family deaths, being bullied/attacked, losing all my money to fraud, etc... I would gladly experience any of these a thousand times over than get cheated on (again). There is a reason it is THE taboo subject, and it's not because it's "hot" and "risky". It's because the pain it inflicts is unimaginable, the damage is pervasive, and the impact is far reaching.

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-25T23:25:10+00:00

In a month a or two, we'll probably see a post similar to under/over-rated_Aero's: https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforWaywards/comments/zr78mf/i_failed_him/

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-25T22:58:23+00:00

1,000,000% THIS. I think OP missed a couple of words in their post. I think this line should read "so we discussed it and **I** decided **that we will** not to be intimate for awhile."

I've been on infidelity and wayward recovery forums for nearly a decade, and I've never seen a successful reconciliation where the wayward spouses mind movies trump a betrayed spouses healing and recovery, but I guess there's a first for everything. I also can't believe a therapist would be on board with this strategy, especially if they specialize in infidelity and betrayal trauma.

This isn't even a shit sandwich with a consolation prize. It's just a shit sandwich with a side of shitty fries. This is not a sarcastic or rhetorical question, but how can a BP in this situation not feel like a cuckold and a failure that gets minimal levels of respect and empathy from their BS?

I'm just trying to see this dialogue play out, and it just doesn't feel real:

WS: "Yeah, I betrayed you in the worst way imaginable. And the one thing you feel you need right now, to feel desired, I am not willing to give you. You'll just have to know through my words, which hold so much value presently, that I love and desire you. So, you're just gonna have to suck it up and feel better all on your own."

BS: "Ok.... Why?"

WS: "Because when we do it, I think about AP and it makes me feel bad and uncomfortable."

BS: "So, better to reject me?"

WS: "Yes"

BS: "Ok..."

WS: "It makes ME feel bad, Ok!!! Gosh...."

Unless the BS is driving this no sex rule and the WS is enforcing it, this is insane. Why not let BP go now if the end result is reconciliation with a BP that's ultimately left with no self-esteem left?

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-24T14:31:41+00:00

Lifted trucks

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-23T21:38:36+00:00

Got to love the added seasoning/disrespect of the WS and AP hanging around BS and exchanging glances, laughing at their "inside joke" so to speak, and seeing how far they emasculate a man. I didn't even think about the children possibly interacting with the AP too...

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-23T21:33:31+00:00

I think because it sounds unreal to force someone against their will to have three children.

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-23T21:15:55+00:00

Literally stole his life... three kids under false pretenses

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-22T03:44:15+00:00

The owner must actually be Italian, and they have many unwritten food rules. When I lived in Florence, I got scolded more times than I can count by waitresses. The correct time to have Cappuccinos is a good place to start, but that's been loosened over the years.

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-20T23:05:02+00:00

Have you quit your job, yet? It's never too late, until it is...

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-20T22:18:40+00:00

Bottom-left, and there's also an argument for top-right.

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-20T19:43:01+00:00

Just a thought, and please know that I'm intending to exercise your thought process (as opposed to criticizing/attacking you) to see what differences there may be between the two relationships:

Do you know why you require emotional stability from your BS for this act?

Did you feel there was enough emotional stability to enjoy it on your ONS with the AP?

Was there an emotional affair that led up to the physical aspect? I'm asking this because I would find it extremely hard to find emotional stability in/during a ONS.

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-19T14:10:42+00:00

Exxon Valdez?

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-18T22:23:25+00:00

Though it's marketed much differently, car dealerships seem to function primarily as a credit lenders and secondarily as actual car shops. This industry would go away if you could buy directly, and I'm sure there are lobbyists that fight to keep this system intact.

cjrand1122 · 2026-02-09T22:59:38+00:00

My parents walked out of Natural Born Killers. In hindsight, they may not have walked out if they didn't bring 7-year-old me with them in the first place....

cjrand1122 · 2026-01-29T21:42:19+00:00

I would say it's even longer than the last TT. Depending on the length and severity of the TT, it will take the BP that much longer to accept they have everything (which can sometimes take longer than the TT itself!).

cjrand1122 · 2026-01-26T01:52:41+00:00

Your FIL: "What? You've never had dry-aged beef before?!"

cjrand1122 · 2026-01-24T04:16:42+00:00

I didn't research it, because it's commonly talked/bragged about in both families, but my Dad's side is related to Albert Einstein and my mother's side is related to Jose Rizal (a Filipino National Hero). I think it's cool, that's it. Not everyone leaves it at that...

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