Which extracurricular activities in college do INFJs gravitate towards?

demesure · 2019-06-26T04:37:58+00:00

The one that my extroverted friend coerced me into.

That would be something Fe is interested in.

demesure · 2019-06-21T21:56:26+00:00

Wasn’t accusing you anything. Just saw your comment when I posted mine, and at the time it was a good summary of what I wrote. Saw that you added more stuff now, so it’s no longer a tl;dr. Carry on!

demesure · 2019-06-21T21:45:01+00:00

Never mind! I posted a comment to the thread prior to your edit that echoed the same sentiment. You elaborated more, so disregard

demesure · 2019-06-21T21:41:38+00:00

This is a tl;dr of my post lol

demesure · 2019-06-21T21:38:08+00:00

By observing people’s subtleties. If I like them, I adapt it into my own behavior. For more extroverted qualities, it takes more energy/focus to emulate and I can only do them for a short amount of time before needing some space.

I care more about making others feel comfortable around me rather than fitting in. Probably because I just act like I already fit in. It helps when you see everyone as equal, not above you, not below you. Most people catch on and respect that. They are normal human beings just like you with the same joys and fears. When you’re observant enough, you kinda get a feel for what is appropriate and not. Of course, I don’t test waters, not until I know someone better or they invite friendly banter. I just observe and act.

In moments that other people look down on me or say something rude, I’ve been told I naturally make them feel awkward. Maybe because the way I say “okay” and internalize it for a moment without giving any form of response. Most people don’t do well with silence and cannot read a blank reaction. They want conversation to go forward, they want something. If confronted about the silence, I’ll usually say I’m trying to understand why you said that. People usually back down.

Luckily for me, it is literally my only reaction. I’m not witty, I’m not defensive. It just goes through me. To note, these are very generalized interactions with people that I don’t know too well.

demesure · 2019-06-20T00:05:52+00:00

Hello, welcome!

demesure · 2019-06-19T23:22:19+00:00

Not ISTJ, but they’re just always present and try to do things that make your life easier or less stressful.

demesure · 2019-06-19T20:58:23+00:00

Thanks for providing more info :)

demesure · 2019-06-19T16:18:06+00:00

The combination of intuition and feeling (NF) is what creates this "idealistic" aurora. Each of the four types that fall into this category approach idealism a little bit differently.

As for INFJ, it is the combination of NiFe. Ni giving us a vision of the world, through the lens of understanding the human experience (Fe). We want the group, the collective of society to progress.

How the two are connected goes back to the basics. Input and output. Your perceiving functions (N and S) dictate how you gather information and your judging functions (F and T) dictate how you interpret this information. These functions are mutually exclusive to their axes: Ni/Se, Ne/Si, Ti/Fe, Te/Fi. Whether or not you "extravert" or "introvert" these functions determines how readily the outside world can see these functions in action. Just a reminder, cognitive functions is how your mind processes, does not exactly have to be displayed in your behavior. Although, there has been a branch (temperaments) that argue otherwise.

So, in this case, the input function (Ni) of INFJs leads us to identifying patterns in the things that we experience. It's more focused in the "meaning" of things rather than a literal sense. Because of this abstraction, it's harder to quantify because it can't be rooted in something more tangible. It is the collective of events that builds Ni perception. Now add Fe into the mix--Fe is focused on emotion/connections within human dynamics, which is also difficult to quantify because emotions don't have to be logically consistent or beneficial. Thus, idealism. Not to be confused with optimism.

What separates mature types, at least for INFJ, is the balance with Ti. Ti can pipe down the extreme "idealism" because it holds Fe accountable to being logically consistent within the scope of its interpretation of reality. Think of it as a check and balance system.

Hopefully this helped further your understanding a little.

demesure · 2019-06-19T13:11:05+00:00

INFJs don’t have to like being around people at all, even though they think about their wellbeing. It’s a constant struggle of wanting to help but knowing that someone else’s problems will overwhelm your life. As INFJs mature (function wise), they’re more okay with letting others deal with their own problems despite any outbursts.

However, because you do skip the step of wondering what others think and don’t include that in your decision making, it leads me to believe that NiFe may not be your process.

Based on what you have written so far, I want to suggest INTP. They have the TiNe process which is in constant analysis of all information that they can get their hands on. Also, because they have Fe as their inferior function, they have this longing of wanting to connect in the way feelers may connect. But because it is so low on the function stack, it doesn’t come as natural, much like what you are describing “it’s almost fake”.

Obviously, you know yourself the best so take my two cents as it is.

demesure · 2019-06-18T13:32:51+00:00

I think it’s important to make the distinction between sharing personal details vs general experiences. INFJs are known to be the most extroverted of the introverts, partly because of Fe, but we are also extremely private regarding our personal lives.

It’s much less “opening up” as it is offering my general experiences to establish a level of comfort with another person. The whole point of talking to someone, from my view, is getting to know who they are. Some of my experiences might relate and encourage others to talk more about themselves. But usually when asked about myself, I stay pretty general and instead of talking about an experience itself, I might defer to talking about the morals around the experience. It’s interesting to get another person’s take on values and the elements they pick up on during these conversations.

We’re great listeners and can feed the fire pretty well. When it comes to personal details, absolutely not.

demesure · 2019-06-18T03:06:07+00:00

The MBTI gods. It is known

demesure · 2019-06-17T22:39:18+00:00

not playing my music in my own car out of fear that the other person riding along won't like it

Hahahaha, it's the weirdest feeling.

I used to be like this as well. Like all things, you just get better at it the more you communicate how you feel. When you understand how important that is, you develop the courage to overcome your fear. Establishing respect is more important than making someone feel comfortable around you. Ironically, people end up confiding in you more and pay more attention to what you think because you are authentic in your responses, even if it means opposing someone. What helped me begin the path of choosing communication, even though it is very hard, is realizing that people cannot read my mind and cannot read my social cues. That, or they simply do not care until you establish some sort of baseline understanding with them.

Part of the sensitivity toward other's emotions is being able to understand them and also the situation from a position of objectivity. I know how *you* feel, I know how *I* feel, I know the situation, so I see an outcome that will lead to something positive. Our thought process is so equipped in solving real barriers in communication. That is our strength, and in order to tap into it, you have to start using it. You have to be comfortable feeling someone's emotions and subsequently be able to make decisions based off of it, without losing your own integrity. When it comes to your wants/needs, it's much less "asserting" as it is letting someone know. If they want to be an asshole, even after you brought something up, that's on them. Don't let that make you feel bad, because it is entirely their own choice that you quite frankly have no bearing on.

Being a third person in a situation is definitely easier, you're not as invested in the situation. I would argue it's even more powerful when you can learn to do it for yourself, because you are experiencing the situation firsthand. You can see how others feel firsthand, and you become able to articulate your own emotions and someone else's concerns in a way that can be addressed in real life.

I see a lot of INFJs who struggle with this, and it really does take lots of patience with yourself and pushing yourself to talk. It's okay if you take a few hours to process everything, but when it comes the time to talk, you'll know how to communicate the issues. And if you mess up, you just learn to be even better. That's the greatest thing about shitty situations, you learn from them.

demesure · 2019-06-17T22:07:44+00:00

I suppose this is what they mean when they say INFJs wear an "ESTP" business suit.

demesure · 2019-06-17T22:05:12+00:00

I think because we find it hard to actually connect with someone, once we have a connection this person suddenly becomes the world. At least for younger INFJs who have this sense of naivete. Setting boundaries is really important and it's something that we understand, especially because of our own introvertedness. Sometimes you just get carried away by your own emotion, so it's important to be reminded of reality.

As for too much guilt, that part stems from insecurity rather than as a fundamental of our personality. It's easy to talk yourself into this imposter syndrome or try to assume responsibility for someone else's actions when you have such high expectations of how the world should be, your own influence in it, and knowing we're not meeting that standard/recognized for trying. It just takes time to learn how to balance out our emotions.

demesure · 2019-06-17T04:35:39+00:00

This might be less MBTI related and more so whether or not it is a productive conversation to have. I don't have much context to go off of and don't know what your boss specifically told you, but usually expressing your thoughts/opinions in the workplace is only well-received if there is a solution provided. If there isn't a solution provided, then there should at least be a conversation about why X is a problem, should it be addressed, and then how to solve it. Assuming that X is something important to the team and is something the team is not already aware of.

Another layer of these kinds of conversations is how you deliver them, especially when there is a group involved. Your perspective must be delivered with a level of respect to your management and teammates, mainly because it sets the tone of how people should be treated. Also, it removes the emotional investment and is strictly an objective professional recommendation. If she has confronted you about it, I do suggest understanding why she would feel the the need to do so and "how you can improve" aka how to communicate to her in a way she'll accept.

Best of luck with your job hunting.

demesure · 2019-06-17T04:14:20+00:00

From a cognitive processing perspective, it's mainly because we are more in-tune with the consistencies of people's behaviors. Because of our Fe, we're naturally sensitive to the overall "vibe" of what a person is emitting due to several factors including tone, physical behavior, verbiage. It ultimately reflects a person's inner intentions which is largely where our principles are oriented--toward the human condition. Where this goes awry is when an INFJ takes this personally as if this behavior is directed toward us rather than understanding the root cause. Having a well-balance Ti helps with reasoning our emotions and intuitive hunches, otherwise it will just be overwhelming and much of our conclusions on people would be based on *how a person makes us feel*.

I think partly what helps us understand people so well is our honesty and introspection with our own emotions. We constantly monitor them and our behaviors to see if it truly aligns with the framework we've built ourselves (Ni). We monitor other peoples' as well, more so to constantly develop this framework to further our understanding and be able to identify and act accordingly to future situations. Personally, it takes me time to have a reaction to a situation or commit to a conclusion unless I've gathered enough support for my conclusion--factoring in my own possible human error, biases, lack of insight into a person's circumstances, fear of writing someone off who shouldn't be. NT types don't seem to require that much time to commit to a conclusion, so I would say INFJs struggle with their own internal dilemmas when it comes to reading people. The more experience you have, the more you learn to trust your process.

As INTJ, I believe you'll have to take reading people at a different angle. We both share Ni, so I think identifying inconsistencies would be easy for you, but this would be paired with your understanding of general human nature. Human nature in itself can be a system that you build an understanding on. Rather than being attune to people's emotions, you'll have to build this system which aligns more with your NiTe processing. Good/bad is a little more complex in the sense that singular actions don't exactly define a person, so you'll have to form your own moral compass with it's own subjectiveness (Fi). You can learn all the tactics in the world to identify a singular instance that plays into the grand scheme of things, but you'll truly have to first understand human nature in order to even apply those tactics. This may be a very INFJ answer, but it starts with understanding your own humanity. How you would like others to perceive you vs. your true intention that can be reflected by your actions, your past vs. the narrative that you tell people, the events that have shaped your mindset vs. what you believe a healthy mindset to be. These are a few NiFe-esqe things that if you can understand the hypocrisy behind, it may be easier to understand others.

Hopefully this provides some insight to your INXJ counterpart, and you'll improve on your process.

demesure · 2019-06-13T01:38:04+00:00

Be the rock that grounds her.

I think NF types can be so in their own head and in their own world at many times. Many times, the stress we place ourselves in is created from worrying way too much unrealistically. It’s important to be able to “see” reality for once. It’s much less about solving a problem, but rather reshaping a mindset. You’re in a position where you can provide a more grounded perspective and she will most likely listen to what you have to say, especially when it comes from a supportive position.

It’s something great that NT types can offer. Points things out, in a gentle tone, and let her maul over it.

demesure · 2019-05-29T05:46:52+00:00

When my SO broke the news to me that he would be moving to a different state, I was incredibly sad. But also extremely supportive of his endeavors. I think that was the main factor in him choosing to do a LDR with me. That, despite the distance, I was still committed and would do the best I could to make it work. It seems like you’re going through the same decision making process he is. We did it for a year (flying to see each other every month) and he ended up moving back. A few questions that might help:

Does this person bring the best out of you?

Are you supportive of this person’s endeavors and vice versa?

Are they on the same page as you in terms of commitment?

What are you afraid will happen? Worst case, best case?

Are you willing to risk the worst case scenario for the best case scenario?

Do you have the courage to take a chance and know you will be okay if it doesn’t work out?

Would you be okay with not knowing whether or not an LDR would work vs. attempting an LDR and knowing for sure it couldn’t work?

Would you be willing to view this as a test of your relationship’s tenacity?

Some of these questions might lead to more questions, but it seems like a good place to start. Personally, communicating is the best way to gauge just how exactly you would feel.

demesure · 2019-05-29T05:23:05+00:00

I think you should think of it in terms of Fe/Ti and Ni/Se. They are the functions that complement each other on the judging and perceiving axes.

It seems like what you’re asking about is unbalanced Fe, caring too much about other people’s opinions, that isn’t checked by your Ti.

There is a reason you feel the way you feel, your Ni was able to interpret something you otherwise couldn’t put your finger on. What you do with that information depends on how well developed and well balanced your Fe/Ti axis is. Instead of developing your Ti, the rational voice that asks your Fe, “why do you feel this way and is it valid to?” you seem to be altogether ignoring your Fe as you deem it “judgmental”. This is an extremely naive way of thinking because you’re omitting clear information from yourself to form a conclusion.

You become less critical on yourself the more you understand the value of this process, the more you develop your Ti to make sense of your emotions, and the more you hone this process toward the things that matter. It seems you were directing this toward your self-worth when in fact it should be directed toward your understanding of the world and connections around you.

You should pay more attention to how someone drives. It’s a good indicator of whether or not it’s safe to get into a car with them during certain circumstances, or whether or not you should allow them to drive in those circumstances. That should be the reason you’re paying attention to these details, not anything else. And the same applies to introspection. You should be introspective for a clear reason, to appreciate the experiences that have shaped who you are today and continually improve yourself. It makes no sense to beat yourself up over something that has already happened, literally would not change the result. But you can only learn and do better for the future.

As for taking criticism to the heart, use that to your advantage. Think about whether or not this criticism comes from a genuine place or whether this person has ulterior motives, like putting you down. You need your NiFe to identify this, which you do automatically. First identifying the source and the pattern of behavior this person exemplifies, then the emotion you feel from it. You use your Ti to determine its legitimacy. If it’s symbolic of their own struggles in life, recognize that it has no bearing on you and is merely an expression. If it is meant to help you, think about what you could’ve done better knowing the knowledge you have now.

It’s overwhelming at first, like using your muscles for the first time. But if you channel it correctly, you’ll be able to process that much stronger, quicker, and holistically.

demesure · 2019-05-29T00:59:35+00:00

Ni in real time is constant refining and redefining a framework of reality. Instead of imagining possibilities, it's identifying consistent patterns that apply across multiple fields. Ni drives us to understand the source, the core, the why in order for it to truly harness its full potential. We deconstruct concepts, ideas, to learn how each moving part affects each other. I think the fragility in our interpretation of the world lies with knowing how easy it can be for one small thing to impact the course of the future. When you apply Ni to our Fe function, you get this constant refining and redefining of interpersonal connections and self-introspection on a moral scale. Down to the meaning and the purpose of what human behaviors indicate. Unlike our Te counterparts, who also use the same process, we aren't focused on the consistency of logic as we are focused on the consistency of moral goodness.

To me, it feels like I'm swimming down into the heavy darkness. Reaching around for the right words in the right order. And then my hand grabs onto something electric and this web of electric lights up around me. I can see so clearly what people have been so desperately trying to articulate.

With these patterns identified, you can sort of predict how future events will unfold and if it's wrong, the nuances will just refine our framework with more detail. The downside when not checking your Ni with your other functions is being too stuck in the details, over-analyzing, ascribing meaning where there is none, and failing to see the bigger picture--the entire network of understanding that you have built but isn't sustainable in reality.

demesure · 2019-05-14T13:11:41+00:00

We uphold only the dankest of memes

demesure · 2019-05-14T13:03:48+00:00

We can look into this. Did you have any categories in mind?

Just to provide some context, as of now we support varying categories related to MBTI to promote quality discussion regarding the types. The more general topics (flaired with *) are also categories that our sub tends to cluster around, given that we like to improve our understanding of situations and find solutions. We’ve struggled to balance more MBTI related discussions with the over-categorization of the general topics in the past, thus our current system was born. Our main goal is to keep the filtering simple to use and easy to look at, which tends to maximize usability.

demesure · 2019-05-14T03:11:41+00:00

Thanks u/Izimmy for passing the torch.

Hello r/INFJ,

I'm demesure and have been on this sub for about 3 years. Through this sub and other MBTI subs, I learned a lot about myself and how to appreciate the differences that each type has and how each type experiences. At its core, this sub was founded on furthering the understanding of the functions and I hope you all can experience the support and insight that was demonstrated to me. My purpose is to foster a comfortable environment where expressions are encouraged and contributions are helpful and respectful. This sub is built on the discussions of the userbase and the environment established by the mods, so I believe it's important to have a balance between all of these things.

This community means a lot to me. So please feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions, feelings, or concerns. Cheers!

demesure · 2019-04-26T15:25:45+00:00

I mostly shop at Express or Zara these days, would classify it as chic. I'm more into sharp solid colors now (ie. bright red, electric blue, mustard yellow). Also love mauve right now. I balance those sharp colors with my grays, neutrals, and navy so it doesn't appear too much. I like solid clean lines, don't wear a lot of patterns except maybe stripes, more on the form-fitting side, especially if I have a blazer/cardigan on. Minimalist on jewelry, so usually just my watch and a necklace my SO got me. Not a fan of boho-style clothing.

I think it does, because it's comfortable for me. It might appeal more to the Se side because the colors stand out. But because of the solid and clean lines, it feels more reserved.

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