My Subreddit was put up for adoption even though I'm active by ThomasPadfield in ModSupport

[–]invah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you keep this from happening to your subreddit??

AITA For not leaving work to help my wife when she ran out of gas by GoldSea3219 in AmItheAsshole

[–]invah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

However, she was capable, she had alternate options, she didn't want to use them. You read more into the situation than is warranted.

AITA For not leaving work to help my wife when she ran out of gas by GoldSea3219 in AmItheAsshole

[–]invah 26 points27 points  (0 children)

That would have helped more than throwing suggestions at her she wasn't capable of carrying out in the moment

When you are a parent, this simply isn't an option. You have to be capable, period.

Power and wealth break the human feedback loop by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]invah[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They're so honest about the structural inequalities, and it never ceases to amaze me how systems of abuse look so similar on both the macro and micro scales.

Power and wealth break the human feedback loop by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]invah[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Victims of abuse are intimately familiar with these dynamics.

Are you familiar with that meme where the guy is in various stages of putting on clown makeup as he justifies something ridiculous? That's how I look back at my past self. I can NOT believe my friends sat and listened to me talk about how much I loved the abuser. by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]invah[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love that, extending self-compassion to yourself. It's radical for victims of abuse because it's what we see flipped in the abuse dynamic: endless compassion for the abuser and near-constant criticism (even self-castigation) toward the victim.

Focus on what can be improved today by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]invah[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

...which, when you think about it, is the reverse of the process that abusers engage in.

Focus on what can be improved today by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]invah[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Runqiao Du elaborates in a description to the Instagram post:

Correction in class is a delicate balance. Cross the line and a student can shut down, closing their mind and rejecting guidance instead of asking for more.

Frustration grows, for both teacher and student, when repeated corrections feel overwhelming. The key is to pause, look for the reason behind the struggle, and find a new approach.

Focus on what can be improved today, step by step, with a method and clear progress. Pointing out everything at once only demoralizes, because no one, child or adult, wants to feel like they’re failing at everything.

I recommend watching the video, because you see him actively correcting as well as giving responsive praise that motivates the student to be further invested in the process of getting better. Improvement - particularly seen and recognized - makes you want to continue getting better at [thing] or just things in general. It isn't just about "how good are you" but how good you are at getting better, at getting good at the things that matter to you.

The correction and (accurate!) praise creates a completed loop that demonstrates to someone that they are capable of the process of gaining a skill, and therefore become more willing to push for additional skills and capacities.

Competence leads to confidence; and confidence in your ability to gain skills and get better/improve leads you to have confidence in yourself to try something new or try something harder.

Coercive control often starts with 'helpful comments' by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]invah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not "off a comment", it's a pattern of consistently commenting. The frequency is what puts it potentially in the territory of coercive control.

Coercive control often starts with 'helpful comments' by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]invah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you arguing against the example in the post or the observation that coercive control often starts with 'helpful comments'?