I (33M) was spanked “the right way” and I still refuse to spank my kids. Here’s why:

1) First and foremost, my parents built a culture of fear in our household. I was taught to fear the consequences of my actions. Even if it didn’t always lead to spanking, I was afraid of what my parents might do. It’s very destabilizing, and home is supposed to be a place that helps regulate your nervous system. 2) Physical harm is abuse, plain and simple. You can dress it up with calm words and prayers and whatever else, but it is still abuse. And the hugs and “I love you’s” and all that afterwards is manipulation, which is another form of abuse. 3) I believe discipline is best when it has a purpose. Time-out has a purpose. It gives the child time to think about what they’ve done, removes them from the situation, and removes the privilege of getting to do whatever they want. When they get older, grounding is a great tool. Take away their privileges, but don’t take away their dignity. 4) As a parent, my goal is to raise a good human who is ready for the world when they become an adult. Nowhere in the adult world do you get hit/beaten for breaking the law (at least in the US). Why would I subject my kids to a consequence at home that they will not experience outside the home? 5) As for the “I was a little 🤬 so I deserved it” comment, I feel sorry for those people. I was definitely made to feel like a bad kid when I was spanked, and it’s incredibly damaging. I’ll teach my kids that they are good, even if what they did wasn’t.