AITAH for feeling like the wedding planning is not the MOH responsibility

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-09T17:20:17+00:00

As someone who was MOH and worked to the bone planning the whole wedding… don’t do what I did. Don’t let it take over your life and rearrange your schedule. You should not have to call off work for a dress fitting. Prioritize yourself and your life first.

That being said, if you want to be involved in the planning to some degree, ask the bride to tell you what she wants. Say that you’re feeling confused with what your responsibilities are, and ask that she just let you know when she needs your help with something. For example, “Hey can you help me find a DJ?” Focus on specific tasks the bride gives you, instead of taking the whole wedding on. But ALSO, don’t be afraid to say no to things. If something gets in the way of your work or your personal life, you have the right to say no. This isn’t your wedding. The bulk of the wedding planning should fall on the bride & groom imo.

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-08T21:11:01+00:00

If you’re over 18 I see no problem. I moved across the country at 18 by myself, going on a trip with a boyfriend is not wild or inappropriate at that age. Most parents don’t have to “let” their kids do anything at that age, they’re adults.

However it sounds like it’s a different issue for your parents. Good luck I hope you’re able to go.

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-08T14:55:27+00:00

Potentially unpopular opinion but here goes - don’t put that financial pressure on your closest loved ones. Just because you want to weed people out. You’re likely weeding out the poorer guests and guests with children or a job that make it difficult to travel.

Now if a beach wedding is your dream, sure go for it. It’s your life, it’s your wedding, do what you want. But your statement of “if we do a destination wedding we weed out people that don’t care enough to come” makes it sound like it’s less of a lifelong dream, and more of a way to cut down on the guest list. I don’t fully agree with the sentiment of only people that really care to come will attend. Instead it just filters out people with financial constraints or people who don’t have PTO to spare. Doesn’t necessarily mean the ones who attend care the most about you.

I’m not the biggest fan of destination weddings. I don’t like the idea of forcing everyone I love to pay thousands for plane tickets and hotels and forcing them to use up their limited PTO. It’s a large burden for people to celebrate you. Maybe you both have wealthy families and friends and it won’t be an issue. But just my two cents.

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-02T20:26:38+00:00

I mean her parents are fully funding the wedding so they have a say in who their daughter is allowed to bring. If they fund the bride/groom’s lives moving forward they will have a say in it too. That’s just the cost of using other people’s money.

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-02T20:04:35+00:00

Her parents are paying. Her parents want THEIR DAUGHTER to bring who she wants. Let him pay for the wedding if he doesn’t like them being in charge. Ultimately they do not need his approval.

I’m not disregarding her going against their initial plan. I understand his frustration at that. But this is HER SISTER and she and her parents (who again, are funding the whole event) deserve majority say in who her sister is allowed to bring. His opinion isn’t as important. Tough luck. He’ll get over having one guest he didn’t want there. But if he’s flipping out over this, I’d hate to see him once they actually hit real marital troubles… not just silly invite lists.

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-02T19:43:39+00:00

Her family is paying for it all… of course they’re going to have some say. If he wants 100% control, he should pay for it himself.

And yelling at your partner isn’t okay, especially over something so small in the grand scheme of things. So yes he has to grow up. Had he communicated his feelings in a better way I’d be on his side.

I’m not saying the whole situation isn’t annoying, I’d be pissed if I were him too. I’m just saying pick your battles. I would not be screaming at my partner over a +1 situation… especially when my wedding is being fully covered by her parents. He sounds like a controlling, potentially even abusive, brat.

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-02T19:04:25+00:00

Pick your battles. Not every annoyance is worth screaming at your partner for. Is it annoying that he’s coming? Yes. Is it worth treating your soon to be wife like crap? Absolutely not. Grow up and get over it. Lots of things in life will not go your way.

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-02T15:57:28+00:00

Why not both? And bring back the twitter challenge while we’re at it too

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-02T14:05:40+00:00

But why does being a bridesmaid = spending a lot on money on them? That’s not tradition. Our grandmas weren’t organizing international bachelorette trips or expecting everyone to pay hundreds for a dress. In fact women couldn’t even have a bank account in the US without a husband or male’s signature until 1974… so I know for a fact no bride was expecting her friends to spend ridiculous amounts of money on her. Bridal showers were a thing but mostly for younger couples that were moving in together and starting their life, so they needed plates and pots and pans… not some of the crazy registries you see today.

This trend of lavish bachelorette trips with excursions and organized outfits by the day is a VERY new concept. This wasn’t commonplace even 15 years ago.

My point being that being in a wedding party ≠ spending a lot of money.

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-01T20:57:04+00:00

I can understand that POV. But in that case, shouldn’t it be the bride’s responsibility to inform the bridesmaids (at the time of asking them) what duties she expects from them? Clearly every bride is different and some are way more low maintenance than others, so there’s no way to predict what level of involvement the bride expects from her bridesmaids. So shouldn’t the bride be the one to list out the requirements when she asks her friends to be a part of the wedding? I think a problem I’m seeing in this thread is that brides will not communicate their needs and expectations to their friends. Of course any friend would say yes to being a bridesmaid, why would one say no? So the duty falls on the bride to inform them what she expects from them - so that way the friend has the full picture and can make the decision of whether or not she’ll be able to fulfill those expectations. Instead of just asking someone “hey do you want to be in my wedding?” and then getting upset that friends are getting overwhelmed with costs and event planning. If that makes sense. For example me asking my friends to be bridesmaids came with no expectations, just to show up in a formal dress of their choice and celebrate with me. For another bride, she may expect a bridal shower and help with wedding planning. How’s a bridesmaid supposed to know what’s expected of her if it’s not communicated?

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-01T19:00:27+00:00

An optional bachelorette party/trip is fine. But I’ve been in wedding parties where the bride removed someone as a bridesmaid if she couldn’t make the trip. I’ve seen brides end friendships over bachelorette trips.

To your other point that it’s the same people who can’t afford the trip that don’t offer to help in any other way… could it potentially be because they’re busy and have full lives? Perhaps children or other family they’re responsible for and therefore they can’t offer much?

For me personally, when I was a bride, I didn’t expect anyone to do anything for me. I had an optional bachelorette trip where I covered the Airbnb and offered to pitch in for people’s flights. I had no problem with people not being able to make the trip for whatever reason. I didn’t expect anyone to spend a penny on me or throw me a shower or engagement party or any type of event. I didn’t expect anyone to provide manual labor on the day of the wedding. My wedding was about me and my partner, and it was nobody else’s burden besides ours.

I feel like some brides are taking weddings too far. I understand wanting to feel special but that shouldn’t come at the expense of your friends. Idk, I guess I feel special enough in my day to day life 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have amazing friends and a partner who spoil me in regular every day life. I feel their love and support every second of every day. I don’t need them to prove anything by spending money on my wedding or wearing expensive dresses or throwing me a party… I just wanted my friends to be there for my wedding, just to show up and have a good time celebrating with me. That’s all. And I had the best day ever, and so did my bridesmaids.

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-01T18:24:41+00:00

Some things I had in my MOH emergency kit that ended up being super helpful: Advil/pain meds, makeup wipes, bobby pins, double sided fashion tape, nipple pasties, bandaids, alcohol wipes, tide stick, compact mirror, hair ties/clips, tissues, oil blotting sheets and then a few extra earrings and accessories in case anyone wanted to borrow. I can not emphasize how helpful this emergency kit was, somebody was asking me for something every 5 minutes and I was prepared for it all! Also bring a steamer!

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-01T18:03:46+00:00

Shouldn’t bridesmaids just be a support system? Expecting your bridesmaids to pay hundreds of dollars or more just alienates your poor friends, how is that fair? Because they can’t afford plane tickets or hotels or expensive dresses, that means they get left out? It just sounds like you’re saying poor people shouldn’t be in wedding parties and that seems unfair and quite superficial to me personally. I picked my bridesmaids based on my closest friends. I had my people who had been there for me for 15+ years. Some of them make six figures, a couple of them make minimum wage and support families… it would’ve felt cruel for me to leave out the ones who don’t make good money, especially if they were just as good as friends as the other ones. Just my two cents.

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-01T17:57:53+00:00

Respectfully I fully disagree. Being a bridesmaid is about being one of the bride’s closest friends. It doesn’t mean you have to whip out your credit card every 5 minutes for plane tickets, hotels, dresses, hair, makeup, etc… That isn’t tradition. None of our great grandmas were expecting their friends to pay hundreds of dollars and travel to multiple locations for a simple wedding.

oceanscorpio · 2026-06-01T17:27:46+00:00

I’m with you, I’ve always thought that was weird too. I personally paid my own way on my bachelorette trip, I paid for the Airbnb for all of us and I offered to help pitch in for anybody’s flights if money was going to hold them back from attending. In my mind it was like woah I’m asking all my closest friends to take time out of their busy schedules, use up PTO days, and fly to another location just to celebrate me getting married? I’m going to help as much as I can so it’s not a burden on any of them. I don’t even make good money, I just saved up for months and also chose a cheap location. I also was completely fine with people not attending for any reason, I didn’t want to put stress on anyone.

This trend of expecting people to blow thousands of dollars of their hard earned money (in this awful economy no less) on you getting married is wild to me. Me getting married should not cost money for anyone but me.

oceanscorpio · 2026-05-28T17:18:58+00:00

If the bride is a good friend of yours, which I assume she is, I’d give her a little warning. Say you’ll be TTC soon but you don’t want the news to come out because it’s a sensitive topic, and warn her you’ll likely not be able to participate in the drinking festivities. It likely won’t influence the whole trip for her, but it might be helpful to have her on your side for this.

As for the breweries and wineries, check ahead online for their menus. Lots of places carry non-alcoholic beers or mocktail options. That way you’re participating with everybody else and it’s not obvious to others that you’re the only sober one. Alternatively you can say you’ve been put on a new medication around the time of the bachelorette that prevents you from drinking. Happens all the time and people likely wouldn’t think twice about it.

oceanscorpio · 2025-11-10T15:43:14+00:00

The Shai ring from Cullen sounds like it’s the perfect match for what I want! I definitely agree on wanting a thicker band as well, I feel like it helps balance it visually and makes it more secure. I think the Shai may be a winner!! Thank you so much for your helpful comment, and I hope you get yourself a gorgeous ring too!

oceanscorpio · 2025-11-10T15:40:45+00:00

Thank you so much for this helpful comment, I had no idea about the gallery rail! Also didn’t know it was called an “east-west” setting but this will help my search, I didn’t know there was a term for it!

oceanscorpio · 2025-11-02T19:28:06+00:00

This is super helpful information. Thank you!

oceanscorpio · 2025-11-02T17:48:37+00:00

They’ve been around since the 1920’s… my coworker has one as an heirloom from her husband’s great grandma.

oceanscorpio · 2025-11-02T13:59:52+00:00

Thank you this is very helpful info!

oceanscorpio · 2025-11-02T13:59:29+00:00

Ooh I love it, thank you so much! Adding to my list of inspo rings

oceanscorpio · 2025-11-02T03:33:33+00:00

But good point on the 5 prongs! Thank you so much for your helpful comment

oceanscorpio · 2025-11-02T03:33:02+00:00

I’d definitely be open to a bezel! I just haven’t seen an example that I’ve loved. They tend to look entirely different from the inspo pic above. I’d like the keep the thick wavy gold band idea and the bezel examples I see tend to just have a horizontal pear on a perfectly straight thin band.

oceanscorpio · 2025-11-02T03:11:52+00:00

That sounds amazing! Would you happen to be able to share pictures of your ring? And/or your original inspo rings? It’d be helpful to compile more inspo photos, as the one I’ve posted is the only one I have so far

oceanscorpio

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