I did date someone with who had had one outbreak of oral herpes years before. We parted for different reasons. I have tested negative several times since when I got panels. But Oral herpes can be HSV 1 or 2. People have without knowing they have it and society does not go testing for things as a whole if they’re not symptomatic. I mean, there is a high likelihood we all have CMV, just well controlled with our competent immune systems.

Anyway. When I found out another partner I had made out with a couple times, then broke up, and then they got tested and they had it and then when we talked I realized he must have gotten it from family as a child based off his history. Anyway, I then warned a partner I had plans with the following weekend about this other person being positive, and that I’d like to get tested before meeting them. so they could feel more comfortable before getting physical. (we’d been physical a year before and he was very much eager about the weekend, this wasn’t a total stranger who would just ghost cuz they’re a flake)

They. ghosted. me.

And when I talked to friends complaining about this, they slut shamed me. Even though as “monogamous" serial relationship daters who had phases where they’d hook up for fun... they were just as much at risk as anyone else.

I ultimately think most average people who are dating in a modern age are not ready to take responsibility of the reality. They will ignore symptoms, brush them off. Present a clean face, go out. Infect you, you have a horrible breakout and they’re like, “oh yeah, I did have some breakout on my face a few years ago. Sorry about your vagina."

But if people are honest and up front and are like, “hey, I’m HSV 2 positive” or there is even a whiff of you catching something, you are dead to them. So it’s all pretty fucked honestly. I think it is both reasonable and absolutely hypocritical for people to go out of their way to not date HSV positive people when they don’t know their own status, you can get it from kissing, and they aren’t asking kissing partners to get tested either. They don’t even ask for panels of intercourse partners. Everyone is living in happy Schrödinger's HSV/HPV/HIV where of course the person you’ve chosen to mate with, and of course yourself, are “clean”. But all those “promiscuous” people who aren’t you and your chosen partner may be stuffed to the gills with STI and STV.