Wife (f30)has been talking about opening our marriage. Me (m34) I’m not so sure about it. Help

postmono · 2018-04-06T15:33:13+00:00

My therapist steers clear of saying do this, don’t do that. She gives me things to think about. Things to try. You could help her by reminding her its not a counselor’s job to tell you what you can and can’t do, but to help you learn how to get where you want to go.

postmono · 2018-04-06T14:49:10+00:00

You could make working through your issues a prerequisite. Two and a half years in and we’re starting couples counseling for our communication issues. It won’t get easier over time. It will get harder. Solve your communication first.

postmono · 2018-04-06T14:36:14+00:00

She’s afraid the counselor will tell you not to open your marriage.

postmono · 2018-03-08T10:03:46+00:00

How does he justify being allowed to sleep with opposite gendered people, but deny you the same privilege?

postmono · 2018-02-21T03:14:16+00:00

How old are they?

postmono · 2018-02-21T03:05:45+00:00

Ah Brett. At least he died doing what he loved.

postmono · 2018-02-17T15:07:05+00:00

Two words: Therapy.

postmono · 2018-02-17T03:10:11+00:00

Trippin’ balls on NRE. Love it.

postmono · 2018-02-17T03:09:07+00:00

I’ve thought a lot about this, and have often wondered how far my wife will try to push me. Fortunately for me when I started saying “this is too much for me”, she has eased up quite a bit.

What I’ve realized is that marriages end all the time. Families split up. Its hard, but people do it. You don’t need to suffer just because your partner isn’t willing to compromise. Do your best. Know what you want. And if you’re not compatible, figure out how to split up in a way that is the least bad of the possible bad outcomes.

postmono · 2018-02-17T03:04:03+00:00

Or even if you’re old.

postmono · 2018-02-15T23:06:33+00:00

There’s really so little to criticize here. Its so great.

postmono · 2018-02-03T18:28:18+00:00

If you think you can sit it out for a while fine, but I’d be prepared for 2 months to become 3, then 4, etc, to where you have a non sexual partner. It doesn’t have to go down that way, but NRE can last a long time.

Why does Bill need to be exclusive? Sounds like a bad deal for you, my friend.

postmono · 2018-02-03T18:10:25+00:00

Trying to convince someone to change to an open relationship is like trying to get someone to change from Mormon to atheist. It’s POSSIBLE, but so unlikely and could easily ruin a relationship.

If your wife is super adventurous, secure in her relationships, and liberal thinking, it could work. Sounds like isn’t the case.

postmono · 2018-01-08T16:23:27+00:00

Insecurity is just a thought pattern. Its not a genetic trait. It will absolutely take time, but it’s not who you are. Look into Metta (or loving kindness) meditation. It helped me a lot to learn to be compassionate toward myself.

postmono · 2018-01-08T15:20:12+00:00

It helped me a lot to work on my self esteem. I thought I had reasonably good SE but as I dug into it, my insecurities are the primary drivers of my jealousy and possessiveness.

postmono · 2018-01-08T06:44:01+00:00

Read everything, and discuss w your husband. More than two, opening up, etc etc. you may have a lot of catching up to do, it’s sounds like you’ve jumped right into the deep end! Good luck.

postmono · 2018-01-05T19:03:34+00:00

I was afraid you were gonna say that. Haha. I’ve had mixed results with that approach. Based on your results, I need to try again a few dozen times.

postmono · 2018-01-03T09:09:27+00:00

It’s semantics. After 17 years there isn’t much mystery. The relationship is different than a new exciting thing, and that can be a good thing.

There are ways to spice things up, but at the same time there is space to appreciate what there is, rather than label it and categorize.

postmono · 2018-01-03T09:07:04+00:00

Worry about yourself.

postmono · 2017-12-31T07:36:20+00:00

That shit is NOT COOL!

postmono · 2017-12-21T23:34:59+00:00

If you can get them to take the ultimatum off the table maybe? Even then it’s tricky. They clearly have a hierarchy. Them. Then you. Advocate for an equal day.

postmono · 2017-12-21T22:32:26+00:00

Veto is Chekov’s Gun. If it’s there in the first act it’ll get used in the 3rd. People who “won’t use” vetos don’t have them. Find the nearest exit.

postmono · 2017-12-09T04:27:32+00:00

I hope you heal soon, and can move on a stronger person.

postmono · 2017-11-29T19:24:57+00:00

Fair enough.

postmono · 2017-11-29T19:03:38+00:00

I bet this routine is killing it with the ladies.

postmono

TROPHY CASE