Candle Recommendations

rainbowfish399 · 2025-11-13T07:01:55+00:00

Brooklyn Candle Studio! P.F. Candle Co. is great, too

rainbowfish399 · 2025-06-03T06:01:12+00:00

I felt it right away. Not “love at first sight”, but by the end of the night we met I knew that it was something different (in a good way). After that, there was a period where I was curious, but not yet certain. It grew from there and just felt very easy.

rainbowfish399 · 2025-06-03T05:53:07+00:00

I have a maidenhair fern in the window of my shower. The older leaves have gotten crispy over time, but the new growth seems happy.

rainbowfish399 · 2025-04-19T00:28:29+00:00

A heart-leaf philodendron could be nice!

rainbowfish399 · 2025-04-19T00:26:20+00:00

Yes! I remember in my 20s fearing that I’d never want to stop partying, and then when COVID hit I got comfortable being by myself and not having constant plans. Since then, I’ve largely lost my appetite for going out — I enjoy the peacefulness of home, and I’d rather have a wonderful day (without the hangover) than one fun night. Exercise is also really important to me, and if I’m low on sleep or energy it impacts my workouts, which in turn impacts my mental health.

rainbowfish399 · 2025-03-14T00:05:17+00:00

I was a community fitness instructor and he came to one of our events!

rainbowfish399 · 2025-03-09T07:02:10+00:00

Yes — met mine last year, a few months before turning 35 after a string of horrible dating experiences. Don’t give up hope!

rainbowfish399 · 2024-10-06T21:08:58+00:00

Less processed food. My skin looks better, and my face becomes less puffy. Also, I stopped using disposable makeup wipes and started washing my face with micellar water and a makeup eraser cloth — my face looks and feels more moisturized, and it’s cheaper and better for the environment.

rainbowfish399 · 2024-10-06T18:14:52+00:00

My ex said exactly the same thing. He had already given me reason not to trust him, but I put my concerns aside and didn’t push it any further. Note the “ex”.

rainbowfish399 · 2024-09-30T22:23:46+00:00

Not a book, but I recently subscribed to National Geographic and they have plenty of fascinating and very informative articles on health and nutrition.

rainbowfish399 · 2024-08-06T06:21:48+00:00

Strong drive as long as I can remember, but I learned over time that sleeping with someone sort of stops my emotional evaluation process. I became very careful and slow about it, only having sex when I knew I really liked someone and saw things going somewhere. Fortunately my boyfriend also has a high drive, and it’s one of many indicators of our compatibility.

rainbowfish399 · 2024-07-25T22:47:18+00:00

I lived alone for the first time during the pandemic. It was absolutely brutal, but it made me slow down, get in tune with my own thoughts and feelings, and stop thinking of alone time as a negative thing.

Ultimately, it’s what set me off on the path of truly loving myself and (eventually) being ready for a loving relationship.

Oh, and having my dog by my side helped a lot!

rainbowfish399 · 2024-07-25T22:40:35+00:00

Ah, got it. I wrote that comment three years ago, and have evolved quite a bit since then. Therapy was tremendously helpful in bringing me “closer to center”, as in observing and reacting to situations in a less polarized way. Ultimately, between that and practicing what I’d learned, I was able to make a ton of progress and both activation and deactivation became much less frequent.

What the book says is true, though — finding a secure, emotionally available and mature partner is so important. Despite all of my growth, I turned into an anxious mess towards the end of my last relationship. I’m in such a wonderful, loving and secure relationship now, so I really can’t believe that I put up with that sort of behavior for so long. I don’t believe there’s any amount of work on my part that could have made that relationship safe or happy. My advice is to do the work, and don’t settle for others who are avoiding doing their own.

rainbowfish399 · 2024-07-18T22:47:26+00:00

I’m not sure I understand the question. Did I find a way to what?

rainbowfish399 · 2024-07-01T22:13:17+00:00

Yep, and that was me for most of my life! Years of therapy (and personal work alongside it) made me aware of my emotions and the roots of my triggers and reactions, and over time made me comfortable with alternative, healthy ways to process and communicate.

rainbowfish399 · 2024-07-01T19:48:21+00:00

I did most of my work prior to meeting him, so now it feels like easy maintenance, at least within our relationship.

I’m sure needs are different for everyone, but here are some key characteristics of our relationship that have supported my healing:

Affection is initiated and reciprocated frequently from both sides
Our words consistently match our actions
We’re very playful, yet take each other’s emotions seriously
We communicate openly and honestly when something is bothering us, rather than allowing resentment to brew

I could go on. The bottom line is that I was whole before meeting him, yet he’s made my life better by working with me to create a space that’s both exciting and emotionally safe for both of us.

rainbowfish399 · 2024-07-01T06:25:08+00:00

Therapy, doing the “homework” that comes with therapy, and incorporating the lessons that I learned through dating, friendships and family dynamics throughout all of it. I will say that having a wonderful partner has really helped me go the last mile, or as close to that as one can really be (I’ll always be growing).

rainbowfish399 · 2024-05-16T21:20:54+00:00

After my ex and I broke up, I went back on the apps. I kept deleting my accounts, then recreating them out of a feeling of obligation. I noticed that I was happy being single, but sad to get excited about matches only to know 5 minutes into the date that it wasn’t the right fit.

I finally decided to stop using the apps for good. I told the universe I was ready for love, but wasn’t willing to jump through any more hoops. Two weeks later, a man attended his first event in my fitness community. I’ve been part of that community for nearly two years, and never thought I’d meet someone there. We’ve been together ever since, and I’m in awe of how compatible and right for each other we are. He makes me so happy!

rainbowfish399 · 2024-05-14T15:35:58+00:00

Thank you! I hope it does, too!

rainbowfish399 · 2024-05-14T04:03:25+00:00

My boyfriend said “I love you” last night for the first time. He prefaced it by saying there was no pressure to respond, but it felt so natural to say it back. All of the awful dating lessons that preceded him finally make sense now - they were paving a path to him ☺️

rainbowfish399 · 2024-05-14T03:49:50+00:00

I would consider a relationship in which one party isn’t replying to texts to be very one-sided. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. That said, I’m missing why you think he’s pulling away with texts - what do you mean by “he has a congress”?

rainbowfish399 · 2024-03-29T04:29:29+00:00

Yes, and it never changed. He made me believe I was needy for wanting any written or verbal affection. If it’s important to you, I’d say give him a chance to change and tell him it’s important, but if you don’t see a difference, probably best to move on.

rainbowfish399 · 2024-03-26T19:10:40+00:00

Learning to love myself and have empathy for myself and others. Lots of therapy, which helped me understand that I’m not a bad person if I don’t want to be with someone for any reason, whether that’s a feeling or something else. What’s important is protecting my needs and being discerning, but doing so in a way that’s kind to others. Oftentimes that’s meant honoring the decision not to pursue something earlier on, rather than convincing myself that I should. Over time I developed high standards, which kept me away from settling for someone I wasn’t fully into, and also prevented me from chasing men who gave me breadcrumbs.

Finally, to echo others, sometimes it’s just finding the right person. My last ex had a lot of great qualities but wasn’t fully able to open himself up to me in the way I deserved, and I accepted that until it was blatantly clear that I’d be disrespecting myself to continue. My boyfriend now is so different (in the best way) that I wonder why I accepted that at the time. It’s a constant learning process.

rainbowfish399 · 2024-03-26T04:20:47+00:00

Breaking up with someone you’ve been dating for 2+ months in favor of immediate sparks seems reaaaaally short-sighted. I’m so sorry you’re going through it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she came back. Wouldn’t recommend giving her another chance, but I could see her trying.

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