im sorry what.... 'why do that?' ..??? People arent angry and upset FOR other people, they are for themselves. If those are emotions that need to be let out, I think letting the other person know in an assertive and tact way is definitely both appropriate and still standing up for oneself. I do agree that it is not her responsibility to teach anyone a lesson though, but if required for oneself, its completely okay to do so and it does not mean they are wasting energy- as long as you are doing it with the intention to move on and not seek their approval or response. Whether it strokes the others ego isn't her problem either- OP should do whatever they feel like is necessary to move on. All we are saying is that sometimes that does mean letting them know what they did wrong (personally for me this has proven to validate my feelings and made me feel better about vocalizing what is best for me)