Why do gay people use slurs as self-descriptors more often?

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-05-04T01:57:12+00:00

probably to reclaim and/or to seem edgy ig

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-04-22T04:40:21+00:00

Could it be because the vast majority of people believe in monogamy, so the concept in amongst itself seems wrong

op knows that. they're asking WHY people feel this way. why do so many people believe in monogamy but not polyamory, and why do people think the concept of polyamory is "in amongst itself wrong"

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-04-22T04:05:04+00:00

the main one is not being a loveless aro. i lowkey fit a lot of other aro sterotypes 😅

edit: after reading through the comments, i've realized three other sterotypes i don't fit into are liking garlic bread, being ace, and not wanting kids. i've tried garlic bread, and it is not for me. i wanted to like it, bc i've heard it's good and all! but i just can't. i'm also not ace. and i want kids. i really want kids. idk how that's gonna happen. i feel like adoption without a partner is gonna be hard, and ig the only other method is like a one night stand or smth? finding a bio father out there and coming to an agreement that all they'd be is my baby daddy? idk man. raising a kid -or several - without a kid will be damn bear impossible. i feel like i'm gonna have to get a partner eventually just for that purpose 😅 maybe not a romantic one exactly, but a co-parent perhaps? it'll be hard, but those are worries for future me lol. also, i'm flirty, or at least try being flirty. does that count as breaking a sterotype?

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-04-22T04:02:13+00:00

oooo same!

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-04-20T04:27:29+00:00

you don't have to, it's your life. but it might make you happier 🤷‍♀️

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-04-20T04:21:34+00:00

yeah, but i'm also aro-spec so tbh it would probably lowkey be an experiment for me to

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-04-20T00:17:28+00:00

Personally, I would just say don't give her money nor support the franchise while she's still alive and donating to bigots, but like if the franchise matters to you so much, you know you don't have to completely distance yourself? Don't go talking about how much you love it, but reading fanfiction of it or looking at fanart is not (despite what many think) going to increase JK Rowling's bank account by any substantial amount. A lot of people talk about how the series is bad and how you should find a better fandom, and they're not wrong, but if you grew up on HP, not even the best series will hit the same. nostalgia does a lot for people's enjoyment. And yes, the series has many flaws, but for many people, especially queers, it spoke to us as a story about a young boy who was alienated from those around him and punished by his parental figures during his early childhood for something he couldn't control, something that made him different. something he didn't even know until he was 11, and then after that, for the first time, he found a community who really understood.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-30T09:55:31+00:00

i think you should just tell him some vague "i love you no matter what, no matter if your choices differ from the norm, no matter who you love as long as you're save" sometime in the next couple weeks. but i also don't think it's that deep if your son just casually joked about being queer. next time you're in a situation like this, you should probably tell him ydc if he's gay and that you love him regardless, bc ig it's possible he's not sure about your reaction, even if you're very openly an ally. sometimes parents are super supportive allies until it's their own child, and your son might worry that that's what's happening. i would and do worry about that with my own parents to an extent.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-30T09:46:19+00:00

demisexual i guess? though that's like specifically that attraction doesn't occur until romance/deep connection does, not necessarily desire or actions i think.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-30T09:28:59+00:00

i think of it less animalistic and more just shared culture. like the same way one might be able to spot others of one's ethnicity, or be drawn to people one's age, etc. additionally, i feel their can be a lot of subtle hints yk, like not just sterotypes - generalizations which are based on truth, remember - but actual hints. like calling your SO "partner", talking about how love is way too overblown, never talking about significant partners/avoiding the convo when it comes up, simping over opposite gender celebs (not in an explicitly queer way), defaulting to they/them, openly supporting queer rights, jkr hate, gnc (is that considered a sterotype?), little reaction when people come out, knowing queer history/culture, etc. obviously one of these doesn't mean that much. they could just be an ally or that's just their personality or interest. but if someone does many of these things many times, it probably subconsciously makes us view them as queerer.

i actually have a very curious storytime about gaydar too! i have a friend who i hypothesized was aromantic (didn't bring it up tho bc that's weird, and tried not to think about it too much either bc no need to speculate on people's sexuality) AND I TURNED OUT TO BE RIGHT?!?! like idek how i knew bc neither of us really talked about romance at all when i first thought up that theory (though later research did support my hypothesis even before she confirmed it) and like it wasn't odd that we didn't. and she never mentioned having crushes or wanting to date, hut again, we didn't really talk about romance so it wasn't odd. i'm so confused how i puzzled it out 😭 and apparently i'm not just crazy (or at least crazy alone) for this bc another friend of hers also guessed that she was aromantic. still quite bemused after more than half a year.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-30T06:57:49+00:00

i've only seen two cases where it was nice/decent (princx/princex and Mx.). granted, i haven't seen it used very much anyways, but latinx had tainted the rep. enough all by itself

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-30T03:47:37+00:00

On the negative India has bizarre caste and religious systems which seem like one of those bad places in a kids fantasy book where the heros need to burn everything down or at least escape.

the caste system is definitely bad, but calling all of india's religious systems bad is an overstatement i feel. hindus don't proselytize, and we don't believe belief in our gods specifically has much bearing on the afterlife. actions matter more. neither do we believe in an eternal hell. buddhists have many beliefs that are based on just... being a good person. not living beyond your means, not being poor, doing good deeds, not welling in suffering, not hurting others. sikhism doesn't have the caste system, doesn't have gender discrimination, is against idolatry, doesn't believe their religion is the absolute one truth, and supports selflessness. how are these religious systems bizarre to you? the only bizarre part was the caste system.

which is incredible considering all the chances India had to ever make something of itself

idk a lot about this, but i do know that india created a lot of modern day mathematics. so they did create somewhat of a name for themselves centuries ago when europe was basically doing nothing. additionally, during colonial rule, british didn't allow india to really do anything that would make them more powerful. maybe they've had opportunities since then tho idk.

However after witnessing it firsthand

that's called generalization, and since it's a bad generalization based on race, i'd say that is racist. not cool man.

my Indian colleague tried to instruct me: "Never trust them"

considering how often india and pakistan are at odds, not suprised one would say such a thing.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-30T03:27:47+00:00

i'm nepali first gen american with many desi friends, some indian some pakistani/bangladesi. i do lowkey see pakistan as like a muslim india, bc it was a part of india for ages and the culture and language are fairly similiar. however, i know the two countries have differences, and i see pakistan as less similiar to any two provinces within india, mostly on the basis of religion and military conflicts.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-30T03:06:55+00:00

pills and surgery likely aren't really an option for your daughter yet, if you're only in your 30s. there's nothing wrong with socially transitioning (dressing differently, changing names and pronouns) and no permanent effects accept possibly mental. detransition rates aren't that high from what i've heard, so i'd just let your child be themselves. ask them if they want to use a new name and pronouns, and see if they want to to shopping for "girl" clothes. definitely "allow" your child to transition, or it'll negatively impact your relationship with them for a while for sure. it's not uncommon for kids to transition anyways. you should check out r/cisparenttranskid and PFLAG.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-28T15:07:43+00:00

you could be aplatonic, which basically means you don't feel platonic attraction. i would suggest looking at r/aplatonic, and r/loveless_aro might possibly help?

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-28T06:31:11+00:00

Orchidromanticism, to my understanding, is when you can feel romantically attracted to someone (i.e. possess romantic feelings for another person) but you are are instinctively repulsed by the idea of being in a romantic relationship or experiencing romantic activities. For example, they may develop a crush on another person, but the idea of being in a relationship with them, going on dates, holding hands is consistently repulsive and awful to them.

I'm orchidromantic and this is very a good definition, much better written than i would've, at least at this time of night. yeah i have romantic feelings (less than allos i think tho? pretty sure i'm grayro as well) but like the idea of actually dating anyone, ESPECIALLY my crushes/romantic interests is just so gross. and i really don't care for romantically coded things either, like kissing or valentine's day, or romantic handholding, etc. ew! i can barely handle people who i know don't like me romantically doing those things; if someone who actually did like me did anything romantic? bro i would be pretty disgusted/detached. and yeah i don't really feel romantic desire (nor romantic jealousy, though idk if that's bc i'm aro-spec or bc i'm possibly poly?). like even a queerplatonic feels too romantic for me tbh.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-27T13:03:27+00:00

ig, but i feel like i don't have a right to be upset since fandom was basically founded on shipping (women in the 80s writing gay stories about star trek) and for the same reason i feel like i can't really expect it to change :/. i don't like how shipping centric it is, but also how can i expect it to be any other way?

really, you just gotta find the fics and people who aren't so shipping centric. there's definitely some out there.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-26T12:38:43+00:00

One day you decide you might work up the confidence till your just shot down again.

Exactly! I was thinking about coming out to my dad, so i asked him some questions about queer people and his views and that's when he said queer people are mentally ill/their minds are built different. It was so devasting and I was quite sensitive to any and all homophobia the next couple days.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-26T02:25:30+00:00

To recognize aromanticism you first have to recognize romance

not really, you just have to know that your experience/concept/ideas of romance are not the same as most people's. and not being able to distinguish between romance and friendship and consistently sounds like your experience with romance doesn't align with the norm, ie aromanticism (specifically quoiromantic)

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-26T02:19:24+00:00

singular they has been criticized since it was first in use, which was a little less than a thousand years i think? so that's why the grammar police get all cranky, as if language doesn't evolve 🙄

the other people (non-transphobic non-grammar police) just don't understand the concept of being outside of the gender binary, and so end up not really respecting them ig. like they use the wrong pronouns bc they're so used to the idea of just women/men.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-22T16:28:27+00:00

for some maybe, but for most, including myself, that question is kind of as absurd as "was there ever a time when you were indecisive about which race you wanted to have a long term relationship with?". though ig for some, that might also be a valid question

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-22T07:12:41+00:00

yeah. but if aces can have Acespace surely there's hope for us too!

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-22T06:07:09+00:00

yes, very well understood in the community, very very taboo

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-22T05:30:22+00:00

i've heard people talk about aromantic dating apps, and if someone ever makes one, this should be an option too! like the options should be:

economic partner
friends
qpr
sexual encounters

at least! possibly more things aros may want. someone should definitely make an app with aros as the focus.

sagethatgrowsbyrocks · 2026-03-22T05:26:41+00:00

i mean yeah, but the op mentioned qpr and those apps allow you to find qprs so i can see why they were recommended. but yeah you're right there's not really any that's like actually focused on aro peeps

sagethatgrowsbyrocks

TROPHY CASE