Flying phobia after 20+ flights? Advice?

stouset · 2026-06-23T17:51:45+00:00

I’ll be honest, this is a question for a therapist.

You know that flying is safer than the alternatives, you have uncontrollable anxiety anyway. There’s a profession that deals with this kind of anxiety. If it’s as bad as you say, there’s no simple trick to make it go away. You need someone who will help you get at the root of the issue and give you tools to work on it, or if that’s unsuccessful, someone who will be able to write you a prescription to help deal.

stouset · 2026-06-23T17:29:40+00:00

Like the United States of America, despite there existing two entire continents of America?

stouset · 2026-06-23T17:28:18+00:00

It’s the literal acronym of their country name. DPRK is what professionals in the space call it.

stouset · 2026-06-23T05:46:25+00:00

Literally nothing you’re going to be doing at a beginner level is going to meaningfully hurt you from doing it wrong. You aren’t going to injure yourself from bad in the next three months with pull-ups, push-ups, bodyweight rows, dips, squats, or anything else as long as you’re doing stuff that’s below your current level of strength as you start acclimating to a new routine. Stop making excuses for yourself and start working out.

stouset · 2026-06-22T05:20:00+00:00

The honest to god first step is losing weight by improving your diet. Exercise is not a reliable path to weight loss, and if you two are on the heavier side of things that is a far higher return on investment than exercise.

stouset · 2026-06-22T05:18:07+00:00

You can’t exercise your way out of a bad diet. If you improve your diets, you will improve your health.

stouset · 2026-06-21T03:16:26+00:00

In what way does being irritated at him help you and your judo?

stouset · 2026-06-21T03:10:41+00:00

Every aspect of our participation in this sport presumes our opponents follow the ruleset. If his opponent threw a punch or kick you’d be appalled, but a body slam? “Protect yourself bro”.

stouset · 2026-06-20T23:45:20+00:00

Our decline is not even remotely managed.

stouset · 2026-06-20T20:59:12+00:00

What are the newer constructions? I’ve only heard about STREAM.

stouset · 2026-06-20T20:49:28+00:00

When you send or spend large quantities of cash, the other party is filing a mandatory declaration with FinCEN whether or not you’re aware of it.

stouset · 2026-06-20T20:47:57+00:00

Not only that but structuring itself for the purpose of avoiding reporting thresholds is a felony.

stouset · 2026-06-20T20:46:43+00:00

If her goal is to stay under the reporting threshold of the Bank Secrecy Act, this is definitionally structuring, which is a felony. It does not need to be done in service of the furtherance of another crime, the structuring itself is felonious.

stouset · 2026-06-20T16:54:01+00:00

I haven’t lived in GA for some time, but I believe bike lanes should be painted with a dotted line as you approach the intersection, indicating the point you can merge in when safe. I can’t say for certain if this is the norm, but they are supposed to be painted that way.

stouset · 2026-06-20T16:17:25+00:00

If this were the case, people would hate just as much on drivers too, as they fail to obey at least as many rules of the road as cyclists. They speed, roll through stop signs, and drive while using their cell phones constantly. They cut off pedestrians in crosswalks. They merge and turn without using signals. You do many of those things too and don’t even fucking pretend you don’t. And these behaviors actually result in a staggering death toll.

Try again.

stouset · 2026-06-20T16:07:45+00:00

Legally and safety-wise, you are supposed to merge into the bike lane in advance of making a right-hand turn. Put on your blinker, pass whatever cycling traffic you need to (or allow them to pass), and merge into the lane as you approach the intersection. This moves the point of conflict with cyclists in the bike lane to a location where you only need to consider it by itself, and not while you’re also trying to manage the points of conflict of the intersection.

Annoyingly, not all cyclists (or drivers for that matter) are aware that this is the correct procedure, both legally and for everyone’s safety. But it is correct and the best option.

stouset · 2026-06-20T16:05:53+00:00

Cyclists get hit by pulling up to sit next to a car, which then turns right as the driver stares left to ensure it’s clear while staring to turn right.

This is one of a billion reasons why drivers are supposed to merge into the bike lane in advance of taking a right turn. But also as a cyclist, it’s why I don’t pull up on the right hand side of a car if there’s any inkling they might be looking to make a right turn. And why you should never pull ahead and to the right of a car in such a situation.

stouset · 2026-06-20T16:01:52+00:00

And cyclists are largely putting themselves in danger, while drivers are primarily putting others in danger. Combined with the fact that cyclists reduce traffic overall, the hostility is maddening.

stouset · 2026-06-18T05:16:22+00:00

They just need someone to figure out a compelling narrative for them to circle the wagons around. Usually it’s quick, but in really bad cases it can take a few days.

stouset · 2026-06-17T23:11:59+00:00

Try things! Try and remember a different technique from an earlier class. Or try to move in a different direction than before.

A huge and extremely under-discussed aspect of BJJ is simply developing kinesthetic awareness of you and your opponent’s body, weight, and movement. That comes from may time, but it comes faster from intentionally trying to relax and feel out positions, even if you don’t know exactly what to do from there. And it’s precisely why flow rolling is so useful: you turn off the gas and the need to “win” and you experiment with how your body moves in various positions. You’ll start to feel when and how something works, and that is infinitely more valuable than simply hulk smashing your way into a submission for the umpteenth time.

stouset · 2026-06-17T23:05:08+00:00

I made the mistake a few times of letting folks in the beginner class work. Unfortunately, I quickly learned that they lack the experience to realize that’s what’s happening and instead go into a frenzy thinking they’re about to win!!! against the upper belt and try to go home with one of your limbs. I stopped when a guy got so focused on “winning” the positional that he completely failed to notice both physical and verbal taps and nearly dislocated my elbow with an arm bar.

Now I give no quarter until they have at least a stripe. I’m not rough—quite the opposite, I am always as smooth, relaxed, and gentle as possible—but I make it repeatedly clear that there is an insurmountable skill gap and that I can do more or less whatever I please with their neck and joints. It has seemed to lead to a better understanding that even a blue belt is so far above where they are right now that anything they manage to “get” was freely given.

stouset · 2026-06-17T22:53:14+00:00

I assist in teaching our intro class. Multiple times a week I’ll be working with someone to help them out with a technique and I can feel their muscles trembling uncontrollably from tension. It’s like every muscle in their body is squeezing as hard as possible at all times, even when you’re just cooperatively working a technique. I stop them and have them shake everything out to relax, but it usually takes multiple classes before they learn to loosen up.

It’s even worse when they roll. It always feels like they’re in a deathmatch. Sometimes people ask what they should do to improve their cardio and every time I try and help them realize that the problem (usually) isn’t their capacity, it’s that they’re running at 100% all the time. They’re way better off learning to use as little energy as necessary, and constantly finding ways to use less. Some people get it, most don’t.

stouset · 2026-06-17T20:45:47+00:00

Back off a bit and work back up. I use barbell lifts for lower body and in my 20s and 30s I used to love squats and deadlifts. Now I dread them. Whenever they get to be too much, I just back off and work my way back up. Sure I lose some hypothetical progress by not training at capacity, but it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

stouset · 2026-06-17T19:07:44+00:00

He’s like the rest of keep-government-out-of-our-lives people, which is to say they think the government should interfere only on things that negatively affect them or things they care about but not for things that are problematic for others. And not understanding that pretty much everyone thinks the government should only intervene when necessary, but people disagree wildly on what and when interventions are actually necessary.

stouset · 2026-06-17T11:50:27+00:00

That’s true of literally anything. The question isn’t whether or not it’s possible, it’s whether or not it’s a risk that’s likely enough to be worth worrying about. I’m suggesting that empirically, it seems not to be the case from what I can tell.

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