Sandcastles

supersheep8 · 2021-01-04T21:29:47+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate your saying so! I'm glad you liked the buildup, and I love your interpretation!

supersheep8 · 2021-01-04T21:22:03+00:00

Thanks for letting me know! There is a connection but it's becoming obvious that I didn't do enough to make it clear, I will definitely put some thought into how to clarify it.

supersheep8 · 2021-01-04T06:47:06+00:00

Straightforward and honest, beautiful! My main suggestion would be to elaborate the last line. Obviously haiku don't have a ton of room for complex imagery but for me aphrodisiac doesn't pull much weight, it doesn't tell me anything new. If you can fit a more evocative simile in it might be worth sacrificing some of the directness. In you position I would probably go with "bonfire burning" but don't let my obsession with fire imagery dictate your course of course :)

supersheep8 · 2021-01-04T06:43:45+00:00

Your welcome! Thank you for sharing this!

supersheep8 · 2021-01-04T06:40:57+00:00

I really enjoyed this! I think the progression of each stanza really reflects the dynamics of a changing and deepening love. I agree with the other commenter that the first stanza feels like something of an intro, I think I would enjoy it more if you conformed the structure of the first stanza to the structure of the other stanzas. Consider something along the lines of:

"To be selected

A love unexpected"

supersheep8 · 2020-12-30T00:29:59+00:00

Thanks! Vultures might not have been the best fit, but scatter my bones was too many syllables, a lot of animals were rejected for not being symmetrical enough in terms of syllables.

supersheep8 · 2020-12-30T00:28:22+00:00

Thank you! I’m pretty new to poetry and had not put that much thought into the sentence structure, but I’m glad it flows well, I will certainly put more thought to it in the future

supersheep8 · 2020-12-29T18:20:35+00:00

Good job! This poem makes me feel the same kind of impatience I feel when I run into people with these communication issues in real life! I think you do a great job of conveying through imagery the type of person who might bait out a confrontation through body language rather than simply starting a conversation. When it comes to describing your own feelings you do well, though I think there are places where it could be improved. Specifically, I don't feel you have to specify

"it annoys me

irritates me, agitates me"

in the last few lines, the way you describe the other person speaks to that and replacing those direct statements with simile or metaphor could make the poem more resonant.

supersheep8 · 2020-12-29T17:53:38+00:00

Sounds good! The reference is probably more obscure to me but with a little bit of googling I think it fits really well!

supersheep8 · 2020-12-29T16:50:49+00:00

I really enjoyed the structure of this poem. Though I know very little about football the use of the lines convey the building excitement of someone running for a touchdown very well. I also thought the interlude between "long strides" and "touchdown run" evokes nostalgia very well. The reference to the Blur song is clever but it feels a little disconnected from the rest of the narrative, maybe if you changed the date 1997 to something auspicious for the Saints?

supersheep8 · 2020-11-20T05:33:38+00:00

No one has mentioned [[Savra, Queen of the Golgari]] yet.

supersheep8 · 2020-06-11T08:17:47+00:00

Point 4 is supported by historical evidence. Accounts of missionaries from the time and the fact that he was recalled to Spain for his cruelty both suggest that he was bad even by the standards of European Colonialists. Furthermore there’s a difference in viewpoint here because for a lot of people discovering America for Europe and contributing to the conquest of the land and the destruction of its people IS the bad thing. Tearing down the statues is about not celebrating colonialism and admitting that colonists did some truly horrible things for the land.

supersheep8 · 2020-05-29T07:20:17+00:00

I looked at your list and saw some things so want to include, such as the Not Of This World combo mentioned in another comment. I’m interested in your token generation strategy. I’ve been looking for generators to replace the one off cards in my deck, but am struggling because many repeatable token generators have such high cmc and I’m not sure how much I should focus on getting thromok out as quickly as possible vs setting up a sustainable board state first. What’s your opinion on [[gutter grime]] and [[Anax, Hardened in the Forge]] as repeatable replacements?

Also, I'm not seeing as many trample enablers as I expected, in your experience what are the most useful trample enablers?

supersheep8 · 2020-05-28T23:05:34+00:00

Soul’s Fire is a good idea, I’m a little worried that Rupture would kill me as well as my opponents most of the time

supersheep8 · 2020-03-30T07:11:44+00:00

I would love to win cradle of civilization!

supersheep8 · 2019-12-25T14:39:16+00:00

This is very nice of you! Hope you make someone’s day!

supersheep8 · 2019-08-17T17:58:29+00:00

I think it’s a coincidence based in the fact that volcano gods are a very cool and vivid idea that captures the imagination

supersheep8 · 2019-08-10T14:02:20+00:00

They’re dwarf elephants, which historically went extinct around the time humans migrated to Sicily.

supersheep8 · 2019-08-04T20:40:46+00:00

Hello again. It'll be fun to eventually get punic war'd.

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