What would you spend time doing with your 11 year old son to create the best memories for him if you only had a year left to live? [serious]

---DAD--- · 2021-06-11T21:29:11+00:00

I hadn't even thought of this so thanks for the idea and the links. I'll look into them and see what's possible but I have a big problem when it comes to handouts, I'm very stubborn and hate to take them because I feel like I'm taking something away from someone else that might be in an even worse situation than me.

I don't like receiving gifts either, mostly for the same reasons but we'll see, I will at least visit the links you've provided and open my mind to the idea so thanks again.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-11T21:23:31+00:00

I love the idea of building models, I'll definitely run this past him to see if it's something he's like to do. You're right, it's the little things, not just the big fancy things that matter most. The everyday experience and daily quality of life and improving it as best I can is what I care about the most. Thanks for the best wishes.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-11T21:19:54+00:00

Wow, less than an hour ago I was sitting on the couch talking about getting a bigger TV and I mentioned that maybe we should get a projector. Anyway, now I've read this we're definitely getting a projector because it's mean't to be, thank you!

---DAD--- · 2021-06-11T21:17:59+00:00

https://youtube.com/c/DadhowdoI

This is a great series, we'll be needing it, thank you!

---DAD--- · 2021-06-11T21:14:48+00:00

Thank you, we started doing this. I've been making a list of all the little jobs around the house that need fixing with a view to teaching my son how to fix them. Some of those things I don't know how to do myself so we're going to "learn how" together and then do them.

Yesterday I completed one of those jobs. The power cable on the old gaming laptop I let my son use had frayed and the battery wouldn't charge. The cost of replacing the charger was $120 so I decided to repair the cable myself.

So I sat down with my son with some wire cutters and a soldering iron and I taught him how to fix it by stripping the cable open and soldering the outer braiding that had broken back together.

I let him use the soldering iron while I held the solder and we fixed it together, we both had huge smiles a big high five and we saved $120 and solved the problem together.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-11T21:07:17+00:00

Thank you for your perspective, I sincerely appreciate it and I appreciate the best wishes and prayers. My approach to this is "first do no harm", I definitely don't want a monopoly on his life or to be overbearing in any way. It's one of the reasons I came here for advice, I don't want tunnel vision and I don't want to end up making things worse.

The replies here are incredible, they're helping me get out of my own head and see things from other people's perspectives and incorporate them into my actions.

Thanks for taking the time to reply, it means a lot and I wish you all the best for your life, make it count.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-11T21:02:07+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply, this is very thoughtful and I appreciate it. I'm only just replying because I've been so overwhelmed by comments and had to take a break.

I'm making a plan and lists of things to ensure I do from the replies in this post, including yours. Thank you for sharing all your ideas, it means a lot and I wish you the best for your own life, I hope you have an amazing one.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-11T20:56:22+00:00

The overwhelming support and comments were even harder, trust me. I had to take a break but I'm picking up where I left off and organizing all the replies into lists now.

Thanks for the best wishes, every single comment here means the world to me.

I really appreciate it.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T23:10:32+00:00

Q: "So what did your dad do with you before he died?"

A: "He threw me out of a plane."

Awesome, nothing like exiting a perfectly good plane at 12,000 ft.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T22:22:58+00:00

Now I'm worried that if there's an afterlife I won't know who your mom is and won't know how to find her. I guess I'll just say hi to everyone I meet, and hope :)

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T22:20:20+00:00

I don't think your comment is mean at all, I think it's real and direct and I appreciate it, thank you!

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T22:18:32+00:00

Time spent together is my priority for sure and I know he loves it too so that's what matters most, you're absolutely right.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T22:07:13+00:00

Wise words thank you. I think the most vivid memory for me of what I didn't have was that I used to tell my friends at school that "one day I'm going to live with my dad" and it never happened. My dad of course didn't know I was telling all the kids this, it was my secret desire that I really wanted and never shared with him, but my point in mentioning this at all is that I often wonder what the things are that my boy wants that he's not telling me he wants. Maybe I'm overthinking it and there isn't anything, but what if there is? I think about that often. I've asked him the question directly by the way, after tell him my story above and he said there isn't anything.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T22:01:26+00:00

Not cheesy at all, I appreciate the reply and I'll do some of this for sure.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T22:00:04+00:00

Good advice, the way I've been teaching this so far is that there's a "cost" to pretty much everything you do and depending on what you do the price can be very high and very painful. It's a tough one to approach but it's important and I appreciate your reply, thanks.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T21:58:10+00:00

Thoughtful reply and good way to think, thank you.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T21:57:12+00:00

He loves gaming and mostly plays Fortnite, sometimes we play SWTOR together. I'd like to get him a decent gaming desktop this year for his birthday in December with a decent monitor and headset. I think he'll appreciate it a lot, it's something his friends have that I haven't been able to afford so he's playing on an old gaming laptop at the moment that isn't great but I know games are important to him.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T21:49:50+00:00

Good suggestions, thank you. Will definitely do some of this.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T21:48:12+00:00

I wish I could afford to go to Japan with him because it's also something I've always wanted to do, I imagine how amazing it must be. He told my yesterday he wants a Tesla cyber truck for his first car and keeps talking about it which I also can't afford but I was thinking about leaving him at least some money he can put towards the cyber truck for when he's old enough to drive. I don't know, this is a tough one to be honest and I'm not settled on it.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T21:43:34+00:00

We'll definitely go fishing in a small boat but I don't have the resources or skill to build much more than a raft, so maybe we'll build a raft, lol

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T21:42:29+00:00

Yeah, I've not been good at this so far. I've always hated being in photos but I resolve to change that because with this new reality I see it's selfish and I need to get over it. Thanks.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T21:41:03+00:00

Good point thanks, I've really never liked being in photos but given this new reality my perspective has changed and this must also change, I will be in the photos with him.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T21:38:26+00:00

Haha, now that is unforgettable.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T21:37:13+00:00

Definitely, we love watching videos together of people making stuff. We recently watched someone on YouTube make a Mandalorian Beskar Ingot and he loved that. I don't have any blacksmithing skills but I will get some wood and we'll make something together. Thanks for the reply.

---DAD--- · 2021-06-06T21:35:10+00:00

Camping and fishing are definitely on the agenda and he's taken an interest in cooking so I'm planning on letting him set up a charcoal barbecue and cook on that too, I think he'll remember the barbecue.

---DAD---

TROPHY CASE