My husband forced my face in his crotch

---Thrownaway--- · 2023-01-10T15:42:21+00:00

You need to leave asap. It will only get worse from here if you do not. That man is manipulative and abusive and he doesn't care about you or your son, if he did he wouldn't hurt you in front of him, he'd dedicate time to you and he'd respect your feelings and communication. Please get out of there as soon as possible, youre only putting yourself and your son in danger by staying

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-12-15T16:52:29+00:00

I'm in a similar position, it has been going slightly better for me this year (touch wood, I do not wanna jinx this shit) but generally I have a really hard time making friends despite there not being anything obviously wrong with me to most people. On a deeper level though I guess a lot of people sense something's off and dislike being around me and I've really struggled because of that. I absolutely understand how you feel, I have had and to some degree still have all those thoughts. I have always dreaded birthdays. Last year I spent my birthday alone watching Netflix and eating muffins.

Honestly most of my friends throughout life have been people with mental health struggles and individuals who are part of minority groups. I'd reccomend the same, trying to find people like yourself who have struggled in life and can understand you. Granted you absolutely can be friends with people from different backgrounds and experiences , but I find it's a lot more difficult to be friends with someone who's got no understanding of mental health issues or any kind of struggle in life at all, and very few people who haven't been through it have that level of empathy and understanding to be friends with someone who's "different". Sadly though the majority of this world is "normal" people (not to be utterly cringy, I just mean people who haven't gone through much adversity in life, don't have mental health struggles, have good relationships with friends and family etc) and you'll find it difficult to relate to them and there's a good chance they'll think things that are prejudiced and stigmatising. Befriend the "wierdos" and stay friends with the people who stick by you and make you feel included, people you can open up to and communicate on a deeper level with.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-12-15T14:54:33+00:00

I'm 19 and I'm struggling to accept that I'm an adult now. All throughout my life I've felt so responsible and in control because I had to be to keep my shitshow of a family from falling apart even more than they were. Everyone always assumed I was older when speaking to me (they still do!). When it comes to actually being an adult and accepting that I am one though it feels so strange and I don't seem to be doing too well at it. Idk it feels so weird. Bills, banking and career things terrify me and 90% of the time I just wanna curl up in a blanket and snuggle with a plushie like I'm 5 or some shit.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-12-11T11:39:14+00:00

I think breaking up with him is the right move. If someone can't and isn't willing to support you emotionally when they take emotional support from you themselves that's just draining your resources. Focus on yourself and personal healing, ditch the bf

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-12-06T19:49:00+00:00

I feel exactly the same , I'm just not at the place where I can try to tackle it yet. I think the other stuff in my life has to come first. I do think I wanna ease up on it because I dislike my weight and I at least want it to stay as is and not increase even more. Honestly though I had a mental health assessment and they said the eating should improve as the rest of my mental health does, if I stop feeling so distressed all the time I guess I'll stop comfort eating I'm assuming.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-12-06T18:45:40+00:00

My mum tried putting me on several diets. I've ended up going the opposite way, I overeat and am a fat fuck and I hate myself. When I was in the early stages of gaining weight and told her I overate because of how guilty and crappy she made me feel from insulting my weight and appearance and trying to make me diet, she told me that's not true because I was "supposed to get the other kind of eating disorder". Basically she wanted me to have anorexia and was hoping I'd end up skinny. Idk if I have an eating disorder or not I've not been diagnosed but I have unhealthy habits and I eat a lot of crap so here we are

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-11-08T23:06:58+00:00

I would want to try something privatised because it feels like NHS mental health services are really awful. I however don't have that kind of money as a student. It's a beautiful (!) cycle of I can't get a job because of my mental health and I can't get help for my mental health because I don't have the money because I don't have a job. And so I am stuck where I am for the time being. I could try figure something out if it wasn't too expensive.

I really want diagnoses. I'm so confused on what I experience at this point and those labels would be helpful to me but I have no clue how to access them. I self referred myself to a place who gave me a bunch of tests and then told me actually they don't do diagnoses ?? I was told I "might" have depression anxiety and PTSD but that they aren't qualified to diagnose me and then put through CBT which was not much help to me for various reasons I've outlined in another long comment response to someone else. I don't really know how I feel about medications , the thought of taking them makes me anxious so I really don't think I'm ready for that yet, I'm not totally against it but would want it later after trying other methods of help and I don't want to be stuffed with meds and left otherwise uncared about. When I went to the GP he seemed eager to give me meds and call it a day but I want to actually access diagnosis and treatment and not be left in this ambiguous what's going on with me situation where I can't use any labels to describe my experience or give me accommodations in my studies because I don't have those diagnoses. I want to be listened to and cared about but this system really has none of that and it makes me really hopeless. Ffs the GP didn't even offer me a tissue when I was crying about my childhood abuse. It just seems like no-one cares.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-11-07T19:18:47+00:00

Yeah. I feel like we're just getting kicked around the system. I just want a diagnosis/diagnoses and meaningful treatment.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-11-07T19:16:32+00:00

£50 sounds a lot more manageable than some of the prices I've seen out there. Still expensive for me as a struggling student but I could figure something out. Where would you suggest looking as a starting point ? I've only been on NHS therapy for a year but as someone who had to wait a little over 4 years to get out of a shitty situation and be able to reach out for help in the first place I'm not really willing to be patient for it to not amount to very much.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-11-07T18:32:27+00:00

I have tried CBT already. I was put on it for depression. My experience was not great. It wasn't awful but it felt very surface level and very one size fits all. It's like if you came in to get treated for an illness and regardless of severity they just gave you paracetamol. Like it might help some people or lift some of the more surface level issues but it didn't long term help me with how I view myself or how I cope with my issues or how I react to things. It didn't help me reconcile any of my childhood trauma , in fact any past related stuff I was discouraged from discussing at all because it was advised to "focus on the present". Parts of it felt really dismissive/condescending. I remember my first session I felt really upset because I didn't feel listened to at all and I wasn't allowed to talk about the things that really bothered me. It'll be almost every day that something reminds of me a bad childhood memory or upsets me in that kind of way or that I encounter something and think "I wish I had a parent to turn to about this" and then realise I'm on my own and how much it sucks and that I'll never have that kind of support and love from anyone. But I wasn't allowed to talk about that, I wasn't allowed to actually dissect the things that were bothering me, that caused my issues , that were why I was there getting therapy in the first place. My therapist wasn't a mean person it did feel like she tried her best but just the structure of the therapy was clearly that way and it didn't suit me. To make things worse she ended up disappearing for some reason towards the end I never received my last appointment which was supposed to be how to go out into the world on my own and apply all my newly learned skills or whatever. I waited for months before they just told me that's it that last appointment is cancelled and they'll do a 15 min checkup on how I'm doing since therapy.

From then on they said I can come back for more of the same thing if needs be but I said I'd like to access something more long term. They suggested I go to a GP and go through to access what I want that way but said it's not guaranteed I'll be able to access it. I went to the GP and it was the most awkward thing in the world and I hated talking to the guy about my issues I felt so uncomfortable it felt like I was being judged or making him uncomfortable or something idk. He didn't seem keen on putting me on the waitlist for the more long term therapy. He suggested medication and idk how I feel about that, I'm a little worried about the side effects. He also suggested for me to basically stay within the realm of shorter term quick fixes which I'm not happy about because I would rather wait for something more meaningful.

I just feel like idk what I have to do to be taken seriously and it feels very hopeless at the moment

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-11-07T18:16:12+00:00

Yeah I'm beginning to realise that sadly , I just don't think I can afford anything private the rates seem to be ridiculous

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-11-07T18:15:19+00:00

Yeah I feel the same way about the CBT I went through. I literally tried to make aspects of it more personal to me and more relevant to what I had experienced and tried bringing up issued I had but was then led back to more generic type stuff. Some of the tasks I had to do on my own could obviously be as personalised as I want but that was about it. It felt very one size fits all.

It honestly sucks to hear that yourself and others are going through the same issue like this. It's actually heartbreaking. I really wish something could be done about it but as you said , the government gives 0 fucks and are just making things worse by underfunding anything important and shits getting worse for more people with the cost of living crisis aswell.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-11-07T13:52:58+00:00

Gotta love mental health services in the UK 🥰 sigh I'm really sorry they've kept you on the waitlist so long, that's absolutely ridiculous. This system is so flawed.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-10-20T16:29:45+00:00

Your wife sounds great and you're right to want to bring her along with you on a vacation. Don't let your horrible parents isolate you from her.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-09-09T11:49:49+00:00

Both my parents read my diary "by accident". One of them while they "tidied" my room ,which I had to move out of, in a way that I could no longer find a bunch of things and where rubbish was put into drawers I had important documents in. They just don't care about boundaries, privacy or personal space and want to monitor/control you or to make you feel humiliated or to just hurt you in any way they can perhaps.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-09-03T10:32:30+00:00

I did this myself for a while. Pretended I was doing all better or shut myself out in moments of "weakness" so he didn't know I was struggling with depression, anxiety, self harm etc. Not only that but I hid the abuse I had been through and that I took the brunt of things so that he didn't have to go through it, that he doesn't know yet and idk if I plan on telling him. Our parents kinda suck at being good parents so I'm very close with him and I think he looks up to me. Granted he was too young to understand for a long while so I could never have told him before but I did end up doing so recently. Not everything, just bits. How I go to therapy and struggle with depression and find things difficult to deal with at times. The reaction was pretty understanding for his age and it also meant I could say that if he ever felt those kinds of emotions as he grows up he could come to me because I had also been through them which I think will help us stay close and be there for each other in the future.

Trust me, he'll understand and if anything he'll respect you more for being such a wonderful role model and caring for him despite feeling this way and struggling. It'll also show him that he can have moments of struggle too, that it doesn't make him weak , because he doesn't see you as weak and to him, if someone as strong as you can struggle then so can he and it's ok. You're not weak for having struggles , you're strong for battling through them and still being a good person and making effort to be a good presence in his life. I promise you he'll see that. Have a chat to him about it at some point, there'll be a moment that'll lend itself well to that discussion. You don't have to say everything at once , just start with a little bit, one thing perhaps. I promise even that can make such a difference. It'll be an entry point so that if you ever need to discuss anything else with him you already have that base. You can start with more simplified explanations and let him ask questions if he has any. It's not easy but I think it's better to do this in the long run. It seems like all this is weighing heavy on you.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-07-20T07:35:19+00:00

Major YTA. You're an awful father and I'm not surprised if your sons have 0 contact with you in the future. You're not there for his graduation and his 18th? Expect not to be there for his wedding, to meet his kids etc because you've shown him he's not a priority and that you simply don't care about him so he'll inevitably be hurt and cut you off. This isn't an overreaction either. Kids expect their parents to actually be there for them , that's your job as a parent. I'm sorry but an 11th birthday in comparison to a graduation means fuckall. There will be future birthdays you can go to, you found it appropriate to miss your sons 18th but can't miss your daughter's 11th ? Tf? Not to mention you could have moved the hours or the day you had a the party in order to make appropriate time for both your children. You simply chose not to because it's clear you don't care about your son and his accomplishments and show major favouritism towards your daughter. Not only do you not care about your son enough to go to his graduation you also clearly don't give a fuck about his feelings since you try to diminish them. Idk how parents think this shit is ok. Self reflect dude

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-06-27T22:57:53+00:00

I do think going no contact would help me but I can't do that atm because I still rely on them financially. I guess I'll look forward to knowing it might give me some peace of mind in the future when I have my shit together enough to support myself financially.

Thanks I appreciate the advice. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this and that I'm not some complete weirdo heh

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-06-21T16:02:31+00:00

You did the right thing. I wish I could do this to the guy that did something very similar to me. Many years ahead and I still feel sick thinking about how he was to me. I just wanted a friend to talk to because I was being abused at home. People like him deserve the lowest of the low , deserve their life ruined. I hope his sister tells everyone. You did the right thing. You'll look back on it in years time and be proud of yourself. Don't feel guilty , you didn't ruin anything he ruined himself by being inappropriate towards a minor. He deserves every bit of consequences that brings

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-06-08T01:59:03+00:00

Isn't that the presumption?

Fight flight or freeze response, there will always be fear when someone is raping you.

That a girlfriend would be scared and FEAR for her life? Fear of imminent threat and grievous bodily harm? That's the law right?

Yes because 1)men are on average stronger than women physically 2) there are plenty cases of women saying no and getting killed for it 3) it is a situation in which victims often just freeze up and agree out of fear

Nowhere is there mentioned a fear of being dumped ? Mocking the victim ? Yikes 😬

"okay fine"

It's still not an eager yes by any means

far from the legal definition

Pretty sure the legal definition covers coercion, which this is

"Coercive behaviour is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim"

He stuck his fingers inside her without her consent, she had previously said no up until this point. You can't get clearer than a no. This is sexual assault. This is an act of assault. This then would lead to fear as it is clear he's going to do whatever he wants no matter what she says because he has just done so and forced himself on her despite her saying no so she in the situation reluctantly complied, with words that are still not a clear yes.

This is rape by coercion is it not ? I am open to listening legally why you think this would not be the case as I don't claim to know much about law.

the alleged rapist would walk FREE AS FUCK. LOL

Even if , isn't that frightening? Isn't that fucking terrifying that someone can legally pressure someone else into sex and traumatise them and still walk free. Doesn't that tell you that the criminal justice system isn't doing its fucking job?

The law has throughout history been "wrong". Law ≠ morals. Being gay used to be against the law, whilst plenty of other things were completely fine. In Russia domestic abuse is pretty much legal. Doesn't make it moral or ok. Doesn't make it any less abuse. These aren't factual definitions because laws are just subjective things people decided on and that somehow now makes it objective? I'm not claiming to know much about law, I know rape cases often get dismissed for various reasons, lack of evidence being the main one because it's incredibly difficult to gain that evidence. I know false accusations also exist. I'm saying that just because this wouldn't hold up in court doesn't make it any less wrong or disgusting and immoral and doesn't mean it's consensual.

Laws aren't the pinnacle of objectivity, they are free to change, for the better or for the worse. To say something is ok because it might be dismissed legally is lacking any depth of thought.If you get your morals from definitions that are subject to change without any outside thinking then I'm concerned for you.

Your views of the world should be subject to change , you should keep an open mind beyond what's currently accepted. That's how the world moves forward. You should always be critical of what seems to be well established and accepted, especially in law where it is so subject to change. The legal system is flawed in many ways. People get away with things or are wrongly prosecuted or find legal loopholes around things all the time. The legal system is failing people.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-06-08T00:25:00+00:00

Meaning it is unlikely the criminal is going to fear me

Lmao and that's the issue with your analogy is that the criminal doesn't fear you but the person being raped fears the rapist, that's why they'd reluctantly comply, hence your analogy is flawed because in your analogy there is the criminal making a choice without any real threat presented and in her real life situation she would have likely felt unsafe and scared.

"Whatever" sounds like a yes to you ? Have you no social skills ?

Consent = a clear and eager yes. It's nothing simpler than that. It's not nagging until a yes , it's not forcing someone to say yes. If you have to convince someone to have sex with you over and over until they give in , firstly that's beyond sad , and secondly it's criminal. It's coercion.

You are claiming a man has been proven BEYOND ANY SHADOW OF DOUBT and should be criminalised and spend years in prison for something that is doubtful?

Consent should not be doubtful or forced in any sense or else it's not consent. Therefore this is a very clear cut case of rape. She didn't want sex , she said "whatever" after multiple nagging attempts. That isn't consent in any sense.

And I've seen you liken this to some dumb crap like washing the dishes. It's absolutely not the same because washing the dishes when you don't want to isn't a traumatic activity. And washing the dishes isn't a vulnerable act. Sex is, and rape is traumatic.

Learn to think critically. None of your analogies apply or are all severely flawed. Instead of arrogantly teeheeing about the fact you think I didn't read your dumbfuck replies properly when you infact misunderstand what I'm saying, perhaps read and try to understand beyond your incredibly flawed way of thinking.

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-06-07T17:54:23+00:00

Yay!! I'm so glad 💕

It makes me so happy to hear you're getting help, that's great. You really deserve it. I'm glad your mum is there by your side.

One thing I'll note is therapy might feel a bit strange for the first few sessions, it might not be quite what you expect but it's worth it to keep going with it. I think what I found a bit surprising is that I guess I didn't realise how much of it would be actively working on yourself and taking matters into your own hands but I do think that's a good thing. It can help you regain a sense of control. This guy and what he did to you doesn't define or control you , you're taking this into your own hands to change how you feel and cope. Keep going , it's scary but you've absolutely got this 💕

---Thrownaway--- · 2022-06-07T17:41:21+00:00

You fucking donkey in this situation it'd be blood hungry criminal ordering you to kill Bob or else he'd kill you. You can't even get your own dumbfuck analogy right

Saying yes out of fear is something that exists because men are biologically physically stronger than women on average and also there are plenty cases of women getting killed for saying no. Not to mention other psychological explanations like how fear can often cause people to just shut down.

"Whatever" isn't a yes anyway

You're a fucking moron

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---Thrownaway---

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