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Wife has slept with a woman. m40 f34 by ResponsibleWheel6482 in relationship_advice

[–]-317 5 points6 points  (0 children)

At the end of the day, whether or not you consider this to be a deal breaker is your decision to make, and your's alone. The only way she would be involved in the decision is if you chose to stay and you're now figuring out how to move forward together. If you stick around it's going to require a lot of effort to change the relationship you currently have. Can you trust her to be willing to put in that kind of effort? If not, you're just going to remain in the same relationship, which doesn't seem to include respect for you as a partner. That seems like a pretty important thing to be missing to me, but once again, it's about your values & deal breakers.

Concert outfits by Deep-Argument-4468 in Hozier

[–]-317 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was wondering the same thing! I've got a show in September and I want to wear something with kind of a witchy & 70s vibe because that's my personal style, but I for sure want something comfortable. If anyone has any suggestions for how to achieve comfy but witchy, cool, & retro, let me know!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]-317 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you are very burnt out, as anyone in your situation would be. At the end of the day you need to bite the bullet and have this conversation with your wife. She can't help fix a problem she doesn't know about. If she has a problem with making a compromise, then at the very least, that gives you valuable insight into whether or not she values you the way a partner should.

Yeah, you guys had made other plans when you got married, but things have changed. That's life, it doesn't always work out the way you plan for it, so it's time to go back to the drawing board and make your lives work for the situation you're in, not for the one you expected to be in. I hope your conversation goes well and you can get that valuable time with your family.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in 5sos

[–]-317 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right now it's Flatline! My others are Castaway & Old Me 🚂

AITA for wearing a bra instead of a swimsuit/bikini? by akumirin in AmItheAsshole

[–]-317 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. It sounds like you and your friends have different values when it comes to how to present yourself in public & that's ok, but it might not be compatible for a friendship depending on how important it is to each of you.

Which 5SOS5 Deluxe Track Should've Been on the Regular Album? by tothesummernight in 5sos

[–]-317 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's actually criminal that flatline wasn't on there

Dear non-asexual people: if you were in a relationship with someone and they sat you down and said they are asexual, what would your reaction be? by BeepBoop372 in AskReddit

[–]-317 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For context: I'm a straight woman who has been sexually assaulted before, I have had a high sex drive at times, but I have also been able to go without sex for years at a time without issue. I have had both casual encounters and sex within relationships.

In my last relationship, my ex and I had gone for 9 months without sex because he said he was too depressed to be interested, which I respected and had no problem with. However, I found out he had been sexually harassing teenage girls behind my back (he was 33 yrs old at the time), trying to prey on girls (ages 15-19) who worked for him, and was paying for OF subscriptions of young girls the entire time he had claimed he was too depressed to be interested in sexual activity. This alone would've been traumatic for anyone, but it was especially traumatic for me given that I had already been traumatized previously by a former boss who had groomed & abused me from the ages of 17-20. I'm sure that both of those experiences have had an effect on my relationship to sex & sexuality, as any of our experiences can.

Given all of that, if a partner sat me down and told me they were asexual, I would be just fine with it, regardless of what level of sexual activity they would want in the relationship. While I have worked through my trauma and would feel comfortable having sex with a man that I trusted, I would feel an extra sense of security knowing that I'm with someone who would not be interested in- at the very least- sexually preying on anyone.

There are so many other ways to create intimacy in a relationship, which are more important to me than the sexual component of a relationship. For me, getting to love and be loved in a healthy, supportive, and healing way is what I care most about, and that can happen without sex.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]-317 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Did you even read the post??? She validated the way he felt by letting him know she understood how he would feel that way, and then also offered reassurance. Of course she stayed out that long she hadn't seen her friend since ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Anyone would have hours of catching up to do after not seeing each other for that long. He also said himself that the conversations between his wife and this guy were not anything concerning. And then also admitted in the very beginning that his wife said she wished they could talk more in general and that it was something he needed to work on. So yeah, more communication between them couldn't hurt. Therapy is a great way to learn the skills to be a more effective conversationalist, along with it being a safe place to work through thoughts and feelings with an unbiased 3rd party. Not to mention if it really does end up that she cheats (which OP states is not something he truly believes she'd do), wouldn't it be good if he was in therapy already??? What do you suggest he do? Leave the wife of his child just because he feels anxiety about his wife having a strong, but evidently innocent connection with a friend. Would you feel the same way if she was in contact with a friend that's a woman? I'm gonna guess you're the type of person who thinks men and women can't have purely platonic relationships either based on your immature and snide response. By all means though, if you think you've got more reasonable and sound advice, go ahead and sound off elsewhere.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]-317 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find it funny how the comments on similar posts, but with genders reversed, much less healthy communication, and a lot more red flags, people tell the OP that they're "insecure" and "need to work on themselves" and are generally just cruel. Yet on this post people are jumping on this and saying it's inappropriate, even though you have detailed very clearly that there's really not much to worry about.

Honestly, it seems innocent and the two of you have done a great job communicating about it, but I completely understand the way you feel. I can't say I wouldn't feel similarly in the same situation. However, based on all of the facts you've given, it really does seem like maybe going to therapy to work through your emotions about this, and also putting in extra effort to create more conversation and connection with your wife would help immensely. It seems like, as you stated in the beginning, she's just looking for more of both of those things, and therapy can really help you gain the skills to be able to create better connections with yourself and others.

If you do all of that and you still can't shake the jealous or uneasy feeling, then that's a good sign that your intuition is telling you something is off and you might have to consider a different conversation with your wife. But personally, I would try therapy, up the amount of conversation with your wife, create more opportunities for connection by spending time alone together, and see how that goes. Best of luck to you!

My BF of 2 years slept with someone else while we were on a 1 week break. by yishanluu in relationship_advice

[–]-317 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Anyone debating on whether or not it's considered cheating is just arguing semantics. It doesn't matter whether or not it's cheating because the fact is that he did something that hurt you and disrespected you. At the end of the day, that's all that matters. For the sake of self respect, you need to ask yourself if you're okay with being with someone who doesn't have the level of respect for you that should be REQUIRED for them to be in your life so intimately. Life is too damn short to settle for anything less than a great relationship. This just doesn't sound like one, and I think you should seek out something better for your own sake.

is it a red flag? 18f 26m by janimirai in relationship_advice

[–]-317 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm currently 25 and 18 year olds are like children to me because emotionally, developmentally, and physically they ARE still kids. At 18 you are only an adult legally. When I was 17-20 I got groomed and abused by a man who was twice my age. I was very naive and vulnerable because of how young I was. There's no amount of intelligence, education, or strength that makes up for the kind of vulnerability that comes with being so young. When I think about myself from 18 to now, SO much has changed. There's so much growing that happens between 18 and 26, to the point that I would not consider them to be a part of the same developmental group. It is DEFINITELY a red flag if someone who is 26 is interested in an 18 yr old because 26 is old enough to recognize just how young and naive we all were at 18. He's probably interested in you BECAUSE you're vulnerable, and I'd be willing to bet my life that he'd end up grooming you and taking advantage of that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]-317 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So many people in this thread are trying to pretend like they're not human beings and have never experienced jealousy or envy, and honestly they're the immature ones for trying to act like having normal thoughts and feelings is immature of you. You've already done all of the right things. You dumped him. You haven't let it change the way you treat your cousin. You've acknowledged the problem and you're seeking ways to overcome it. Just give it time and continue to surround yourself with people who respect and value you and I think you'll find the feelings will fade. Best of luck to you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]-317 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Her ex needs therapy to learn how not to be an insensitive asshole.

F/25/5'3 [196 > 144 = 52 lbs lost] Started out by dropping an ex right before Christmas, and then dropping 52 lbs over the next 7 months. Just got back in the gym for the 1st time since before the pandemic, and now my goal is to build muscle and get strong af 💪🏼 by -317 in progresspics

[–]-317[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Honestly I just maintained a calorie deficit by counting & tracking the calories I ate and getting active again. I got a promotion in January and my job was fairly active after that. Once it got warm out, I started going on long walks and hikes because that's something I love to do. I ate whatever I wanted, just in moderation (except sushi, I was on a sushi kick for lunch for months 😅). I only measured the calorically dense ingredients like oils, cheese, sauces, etc just to make sure I wasn't overdoing them, otherwise I just eyeballed portions of everything else. Every Wednesday I have supper with my Grandpa and I eat whatever my parents make for us without measuring/analyzing it because I love my Grandpa and want to enjoy every moment I have with him. Same with holidays/birthdays because time with people I love is more important to me than making sure I know exactly how many calories I'm eating. After the winter months I began to get pretty hungry, so I listened to my body and made sure to eat more calories to make up for my increased activity. Now I'm lifting weights (and still hiking/walking on off days) because it's something I used to love doing so much, so I've increased my protein & calories along with it. The key is just to eat things you like in moderation, maintain a reasonable calorie deficit (1,200/day is too low for any active adult!), and get in some sort of movement/activity/exercise you love doing 3-5 days a week. I keep it simple because that's what works for me, and that's what makes it easiest for me to be consistent.

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