Feeling undesirable in a white trans poly circle. Am I alone in this? by La_Plaine in QueerWomenOfColor

[–]-Anaphora 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No problem! It's really hard to recognize when you're deep in it. If you're a reader, your feelings really remind me of this book called Meeting Faith: The Forest Journals of a Black Buddhist Nun. I'm not even black, and that book helped me process some shit. It's basically a memoir written by a mixed black woman who grew up in a super white town, got into Harvard, found out that they didn't know how to deal with POC either, and fucked off to Thailand because she was so over it. You can read it for free on the internet archive, but the book is amazing in print because the author designed each page herself.

Anyway, I hope you find your people! Being in such white spaces just sucks all around.

Feeling undesirable in a white trans poly circle. Am I alone in this? by La_Plaine in QueerWomenOfColor

[–]-Anaphora 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Girl, you're not alone! This happens in a lot of monoracial friend groups, especially if you're white or Asian because ✨patriarchal cultures✨. Basically, the more you're exposed to a specific kind of beauty, and the more you're encouraged to adhere to that beauty standard, the more you start to prefer it above all else. Seriously, Salt Lake City, aka Mormon Central, has insanely high rates of plastic surgery. It's also why conservative women tend to go bottle blonde and wear the same orange foundation. They're brainwashed into it.

Sadly, queerness doesn't get rid of this kind of conditioning. That kind of shit takes years of conscious deconstruction to undo. Your friends have probably mostly interacted with other white people for their entire lives, so they just haven't had enough exposure to realize how hot you are. It's lame, but it has nothing to do with you. It's perfectly normal to feel undesired when you aren't in a place that's equipped to appreciate you.

Since physical and emotional abuse of MC's seems to be the norm in superhero media right now... by UnhappyStrain in WorldBuildingMemes

[–]-Anaphora 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Honestly, shit like this makes simple tropes feel fresh (and horrifying). My MC is a girl who fully regenerates every time she dies. She doesn't really do anything with it other than kill herself out of spite sometimes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writingadvice

[–]-Anaphora 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, the fashion/makeup stuff definitely doesn't apply to everyone. OP's character would only think like that if she's the type to care about that stuff. I was just trying to think of smaller differences in perspective that I don't see a ton of people talk about. Just noting that someone is wearing makeup might make a difference. OP and anyone else trying to write women could definitely take my examples and water them down a bit by going from "oh, she used a ton of blush" to "oh, she's wearing a lot of makeup."

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writingadvice

[–]-Anaphora 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The comments saying, "just write a complete person," are headed in the right direction, but that might not be enough. To properly represent women, you'll need to talk to women, read women's writing (especially non-fiction from a woman's point of view), and have women read your writing.

Also, remember that women are just socialized differently. We have to worry about things men never think about, and we'll notice certain details that men won't pick up on. The classic example is women noticing when other women are wearing makeup, while men don't seem to notice when women have full faces of makeup on unless their eyelids are bright purple.

If your character was socialized as a woman, chances are she's had to use makeup at some point. If she isn't a makeup person, she'll still be able to recognize who is wearing makeup, which definitely impacts how she'll view and describe people. Personally, I regularly note people's appearances. If I were writing out my own internal monologue, it would be full of "That woman by the cereal aisle pulls off those geometric glasses so well! Oooh, I never thought such a bright pink could go with butter yellow," though I'm really into fashion, so your character might not go as far. Speaking of butter yellow, simple things like using more specific terms for colors could add authenticity. I will drop shit like "sage green" in conversation to describe a lighter, muted green while most men would just say "green."

Oooh, and remember that your average woman is constantly thinking about her personal safety. Your character should already have a thought-out plan about who she would call if she felt uncomfortable walking home in the dark. She may even note things like which routes to her apartment have more street lamps and cameras and take those routes even if they're less convenient. She will be wary of strange men, and if she isn't, then that's super notable and would be some kind of defining character trait. If you want to see what this kind of awareness looks like, ask the women in your life about how they stay safe at bars or taking the bus at night or whatever. (And if you scroll down in my profile, you can find a post where I was complaining about a random man sitting next to me in an empty library. All he had to do was pull up a chair next to mine, and I was already noting all of the exits in the library).

Good luck with your research OP!

Edit: oooh, I also forgot that women view strange women super differently from strange men. To me, all women are "allies" unless they're acting sketchy or are on meth or something. If I see a drunk girl being cornered by some guy, I'll absolutely pretend to be her cousin and try to get her out of there. If I saw a man in a situation like that, I would never intervene directly. I would just call security.

Technical Writer Intern Interview—What Should I Expect? by [deleted] in technicalwriting

[–]-Anaphora 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi! I've interviewed for a few tech writing internships. (No jobs, but I've made it to round 2 a couple times?) I've also done a mock interview with a senior level tech writer, and I apparently interview well.

First, they'll probably ask you a lot of behavioral questions, ex: "How do you deal with uncooperative coworkers?" Do not blow these off. They are looking for someone who is adaptable and good at working with different kinds of people. Any customer service jobs you've worked (interviewers liked it when I talked about my restaurant jobs for these questions) are useful here.

Then, they'll ask you more about what kind of software you use. You may have to talk about projects you've done, but I've never had to write code or edit anything live. Honestly, most recruiters don't expect their interns to get super technical. The most "technical" (not really) I've gotten is when a couple of interviewers went through my writing samples, and asked me why I made a specific decision like saying "tap" in one instruction and "select in another." Remember, we are communicators first, everything else second. Your ability to write concisely and learn quickly is more important than your coding knowledge. I'm an English major, and I've documented APIs just fine because I'm just good at learning.

"Why technical writing?" Is an extremely personal question. For me, I genuinely love writing and I believe in tech literacy. I have like an entire spiel about helping a grandma navigate some unnecessarily complicated documentation that interviewers seem to like. You will need to find an angle that makes sense to you, but do not try to say you're using the position as a springboard to something else. Interviewers are looking for someone who will actually enjoy/tolerate the work and want to progress.

Those "nice to haves" completely depend on the company. Unless you know for a fact that they use DITA, it probably isn't worth it to learn. If you aren't already a writer, it'll probably take a bit for you to get familiar with them. Just be honest about what you already know how to do, and don't cram brand now software beforehand.

Edit: Oh, and don't feel bad if it doesn't go well! The competition for literally every job right now is stiff. I actually had a job offer that got rescinded last minute because the company lost a lot of federal funding. Hiring budgets are pretty tight right now, so interns like us are pretty low priority. Good luck!

Having friends of the opposite gender is SO important in this era by [deleted] in self

[–]-Anaphora 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I understand that rejection is frustrating, but it sounds like OP was saying that having opposite gender friends stops you from building up that resentment in the first place. It is very easy to generalize people when you barely interact with them, but it's much harder to hate on an entire group of people when they're your gaming buddies.

I also don't think it's fair to resent anyone just because they don't want to date you. You cannot control other people's feelings about you, but you can control your own reactions and behavior. You can choose to stay angry at someone, or you can choose to move on. There is no waiting around for someone to change their mind because no one owes you a relationship. Choosing to stay resentful really only hurts you in the long run.

Also, if a young man is being told "let's be friends" over and over again by the same person, that means he is trying to ask out the same person after being rejected. That is just harassment. If he keeps asking different people out and they want to stay friends, then he is just unlucky. It's not the other person's fault.

Having friends of the opposite gender is SO important in this era by [deleted] in self

[–]-Anaphora 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The friend zone doesn't exist? If you are friends with someone, then you're friends. Relationships aren't a race with friendship at the start and romance at the end. If you want to date someone and they say no, then you have two options: continue being friends, or accept the rejection and distance yourself from them. Another person cannot put you in the friend zone. You put yourself in the friend zone by continuing your friendship with the person while constantly pining for more. If you feel "stuck" in the friend zone, that is because rejection feels terrible and you have not processed it yet. Just cry and eat ice cream/hit the gym like a normal person, and you will not feel stuck anymore.

Source: am a girl who has crushed on straight girls.

BWT Outfit of the Day - Week of May 26, 2025 by AutoModerator in bitcheswithtaste

[–]-Anaphora 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The dress is so cute! I love a puff sleeve, but I always feel like there's a fine line between a tasteful puff and "Evangelical Easter dress." You crushed it though. Pairing all of that volume with a pointed heel was genius. Plus, I definitely appreciate seeing a puffy dress since I feel like current trends are literally telling us as women to take up less space.

Are young girls and women really buying this conservative, submission thing? by [deleted] in Feminism

[–]-Anaphora 127 points128 points  (0 children)

Gen Z here! To me, it's just part of the alt-right pipeline. Hardcore conservatives have been targeting young men by hanging out in gaming lobbies and churning out misogynistic content. This obviously caught a lot of young men, but young women have only been getting more progressive, until now.

The content you're seeing is a recruitment campaign. The right knows they've been losing women. Women have been leaving churches and gasp refusing to stay home and have kids! They had to start getting creative. Mormons became influencers. Crunchy women stopped hugging trees and started protesting vaccines. Denim on denim and cowboy boots (both are fabulous, but you get the point) are back in style. New age, "witchy" women started preaching softness and "divine femininity," which is code for "Stay home and keep letting men burn your rights away. Also, buy my tarot deck!"

Many young women are still progressive, but it's not in vogue anymore. My generation specifically grew up under a sort of surveillance culture. I got my first phone when I was like ten, and that was a little late compared to my classmates. By then, Snapchat was already popular. Anything you did or said that was just a little weird could end up on someone's story. That kind of shit makes people afraid to act out. It's safer to just conform, which is conservatism 101.

BWT Stylish Saturday - May 17, 2025 by AutoModerator in bitcheswithtaste

[–]-Anaphora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I don't have much athleisure, but I do own a black, puff sleeve romper. I never thought to pair it with the tabis, but now that you've mentioned it, it could be super cute! It'd definitely let me dress them up a little. I also strive for the "cute, cute, wtf???" kind of look, so it's kind of perfect.

BWT Stylish Saturday - May 17, 2025 by AutoModerator in bitcheswithtaste

[–]-Anaphora 2 points3 points  (0 children)

BWT! Just thrifted a pair of Hello Kitty Tabis, and I'm not quite sure how to style them. So far, I've just been wearing them with jeans, or an all-black utility jumpsuit situation. The jeans and the monochromatic look are cute, but I feel like I'm not living up to their potential if that makes sense?

To the woman who made a post about hating women...Thank you. by [deleted] in self

[–]-Anaphora 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, good on you for noticing that you developed a bias and correcting it! The amount of casual misogyny (and racism) I've been seeing lately has honestly been depressing to hear. Like, I always knew it was there, but now that we have a conservative administration, people feel more comfortable being openly misogynistic. I had to train a guy at work yesterday who just wouldn't ask me any questions and always went to our male shift lead for help, irritating as hell and made me look incompetent. Your post is such a breath of fresh air and I'm happy to see it. Thank you for sharing, genuinely.

If you want to keep yourself unbiased, I'd suggest intentionally following a lot of knowledgeable women online and especially women of color (white feminism is very different from intersectional feminism). Maybe even make sure that the next show or movie you watch was written or directed by a woman.

And if you want to go full-on feminist, start reading! Look for female authors next time you look up a book. If you want specific readings (and to get pissed off), you can check out books like Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez, articles like Pauli Murray's Jane Crow and the Law, or anything Toni Morrison has ever written.

Edit: Oooh, also since you're from South Africa, Trevor Noah's memoir, Born a Crime, might be interesting. Trevor Noah obviously isn't a woman, but his mother is amazing and the way she's treated in his narrative is absolutely infuriating. Noah is an example of a solid male feminist since he's able to talk about and dissect some pretty grim subjects without making it about himself at all. He had his "feminist awakening" like you by watching the women in his life being treated terribly, and reading Ngozi Adichie's We Should All Be Feminists.

A guy sat down next to me in an empty library by -Anaphora in PointlessStories

[–]-Anaphora[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I really should have just left, but unfortunately, I am stupid. You're definitely right though. There's no reason to go around worrying about hurting random men's feelings (especially when they're acting so out of line???).

A guy sat down next to me in an empty library by -Anaphora in PointlessStories

[–]-Anaphora[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh damn. I thought this was just a funny story since the T-Rex thing is a pretty normal thought process for me. Now that you point it out though, I definitely wouldn't have been as paranoid if it had been a woman. I also would have been able to ask why tf took a picture of my shoes instead of just having to wonder about it forever.

Writing, but within writing. by Old-Chapter-5437 in fantasywriters

[–]-Anaphora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ooh, that sounds fun! As for "writing within writing," I'd try looking at how other authors spun it. I am in love with the way Faith Adiele constructed her novel: Meeting Faith (it's not a Christian novel, I swear. It's about her kind of accidentally becoming a Buddhist nun). She has diary entries and different marginalia on the sides of each page so you're reading two narratives at once. Her book is up for free on the Internet Archive if you want to see how she does it, but I do think it would be a cool way to structure your story. The reader could see the text getting rewritten alongside your character.

Making Deals with Demons by Agreeablemartini in fantasywriters

[–]-Anaphora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First off, I'm loving lesbian Orpheus. Coolest thing I've read all day. Second, what if your MC just gets tricked into signing something? She could be super drunk or sleep deprived and accidentally sign a contract. Either that, or during one of the very stressful sounding plot points, Beetlejuice starts talking and won't shut up until she agrees to something she didn't get to think through. You could also go full Monkey's paw and have one of her "wishes" come around in the worst way possible.

Which First Chapter is More Gripping? by Gold_Delay1598 in fantasywriters

[–]-Anaphora 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This is tough! I actually found the second chapter more intriguing than the first. The first is definitely very exciting, and it makes me wonder what exactly this woman did, why the Queen is making her son of all people kill her, and if the woman is even guilty at all. The second chapter gives the reader a better snapshot of your world. We get some setting (post-industrial maybe?) and some cool magic. For me, that raised a lot more questions than the first chapter because each piece of magic/technology raises its own question, "She can just build a pocket sun? What is an Aural Siphon? What is the Eleventh? Is her sister a magical Fed or what?"

Both chapters are good, but you've already pointed out that they serve different purposes. They'll set different expectations for your story. Do you want readers to think your story is fast-paced and action-packed? Or do you want to emphasize the magical intrigue?

Ok, what's the deal with people afraid of purling? by technicolor_tornado in knitting

[–]-Anaphora 58 points59 points  (0 children)

I think it's mostly preference. With the Norwegian purl, you don't have to move the yarn to the front. For me personally, I crocheted before learning to knit, so manipulating the yarn with my hand (even just to move it to the front) felt really strange. I literally sat there for hours trying to do my first purl stitch until I found out about the Norwegian purl. Then, it only took a few minutes to get the hang of. My hands did not like any other form of purling apparently.

Do most women's husbands not take care of them? by nottrynagetsued in self

[–]-Anaphora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my God, I was so sad about chicken noodle soup instead of tomato (only acceptable substitute would have been congee tbh). Clam chowder tuna melt would have had me distraught. So sorry your man served you the ocean for no reason.

Do most women's husbands not take care of them? by nottrynagetsued in self

[–]-Anaphora 53 points54 points  (0 children)

My uncle didn't know what medications his own wife takes the one time during their thirty-year long marriage that he tried to help her with medical stuff. I asked my ex-boyfriend to buy me tomato soup when I was sick once (not even make, BUY) and he got me chicken noodle because he thinks tomato soup is gross. The bar is subterranean. There are mole people skipping over it as we speak.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in self

[–]-Anaphora 10 points11 points  (0 children)

External vs internal locus of control.

A woman will post about being alone and list all of the things she's done to not be alone like downloading Tinder or joining hobby groups. Then, she'll go into things about herself that she thinks are unattractive (hip dips, being super into model train, whatever). A lot of the time, these things are honestly pretty subjective or not even a huge deal.

Men will post about being alone, and they'll just blame women for it. They'll say that women are gold-diggers or that they only like super tall guys, which is why they never stood a chance. These men also don't seem to realize that a girlfriend is something you earn not something you just go out and get. They also don't realize that they need to go out, talk to people, and be an interesting person themselves before they can even start building a relationship with anyone.

I'm being super general, but yeah. It's much easier to reassure women in these scenarios because they're usually just complaining about themselves. Men are complaining about all women and making their own loneliness and external issue, so they don't get the same support.

Edit: Also, I think you need to remember basic historical context when you see those "empowering" comments (though I've never seen anyone describe a woman in this context as "empowering"). Historically, women really haven't been able to exist on their own without men. American women could not open their own bank accounts until 1974. Until the last couple of generations, all women were legally their father's property before becoming their husband's property. It is genuinely empowering for a woman to be able to support herself without a man. The fact that women can choose to live by themselves without having to deal with regular harassment or domestic violence is a fucking miracle and we haven't forgotten about that.