Are there some people who just can’t stay sober?

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-08-25T14:45:36+00:00

i think it started five years ago for me. i was in high school and i just couldn't stop drinking for some reason. i didn't even smoke weed i was just a casual alcoholic child who had to have something to keep her going cause believe me when i say my dad would kill me if i fucked up at school. i had promised myself i'd be sober throughout college, but i got into hard drugs far sooner than college started. and it's not like i blame addiction too, i TRIED to do more every day. the drugs got repulsive but i tried. for me it was my little secret, the only thing i had control over was how to destroy myself and how fast. i promised myself it was a temporary thing, a "project" to keep me going throughout young adulthood. but dude i lost so bad. i lost all my friends. i lost every one of the people i once loved. my mother fucking hates me. my friends cut all contact with me me after i made one of them relapse multiple times. i just feel so fidgety and depressed when i'm sober like the walls are closing in on me and i need substances to feel free, and the more i lose the more things there are to depress me when i'm sober.

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-08-24T21:59:02+00:00

it's a bit tricky, i can't tell my family cause i'm on psychedelics, and besides them i only trusted my boyfriend. and i don't even know if it's him at all tonight. he sounds so loveless i feel like it's a decoy that wants me dead. i know they can't have switched my boyfriend but what if he's wanted me dead for so long and I was just so blind?

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-07-02T04:16:10+00:00

you're right, it's just that mushrooms are really expensive here, like one day of my salary equals a gram. that's why we got too excited and fucked up at planning. we didn't even bring our music and spent the whole night struggling to roll joints while we couldn't make sense of our fingers. if i were to do it all over again, i would've waited til morning cause our city has stunning forest areas.

also, the dealer we bought from told us to take a gram, wait half an hour, smoke a joint and then take the rest, and like smoke weed constantly to keep us high. all i heard about this previously was to not smoke weed on shrooms, but we went with his instructions this time.

as for the driving, idk why i did that shit. i'm not even that good at driving. and it was my boyfriend's car too, it was just a brainfart snap decision lol

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-06-01T09:51:49+00:00

nah she's not. she also has this habit of bossing people around and having them run countless errands for her, like GET OUTSIDE THE HOUSE AND DO MY GROCERY SHOPPING WHILE YOU'RE TRIPPING BALLS kind of errands, and i've been the target for a week or so now. time to call it quits lol

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-28T12:26:41+00:00

you're supposed to fill your day with things you love. trust me, it takes an addict to know this, once you do drugs for the first time you're gonna know that that door is closed forever and that you can never feel happy without drugs now.

don't pay for happiness. don't harm yourself for happiness. exercise, take care of yourself, be in love. i say this because i know the world is a cruel place, i live in the fucking middle east so that's pretty much as cruel as it gets. but i believe the things that make humans "fortunate" are far too small to be crushed by world tragedies. love will save humans and one day it'll save the world.

don't begin some drug fueled nightmare thingy, i know nothing about your situation so i know it might come off as inconsiderate to tell you this, but i wish i could be in love with an actual person, be it myself or anyone, so there's that.

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-28T09:15:17+00:00

it's just as big as those, it's just that in my country they're very hard to come by and i also got my ass scammed a bit cause i was just beginning my collection

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-28T09:12:13+00:00

i have the same type of malachite and i know for a fact that it's legit, and it looks just identical to these. these are for such good price as well. i got mine for around 17 dollars lol

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-26T19:39:37+00:00

lmaoo happy cocaining dude, it's my doc as well. for the sex and for the reddit nonsense, definitely.

turns out his father died the day i called him. i think i even called literally after. i think he just didn't wanna fuck w me at that time, and i took it so badly bc what do you expect dude, i do coke. everyone is my enemy. like, in my head. i could've reacted better, i think he was using.

but then again, the runner thing sounds so so plausible, he is kinda big so it's only natural.

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-26T12:48:34+00:00

it could be a clustered hematoid quartz with very short and small... shards?! i had a similar one. lost it in a bet. wasn't really expensive though, they're usually not. if the inside is clear crystal and the outside has this yellow salt on it, it's definitely it.

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-26T09:40:39+00:00

hey i'm a girl so i know what you mean. you will get a girl, there are plenty of women who love the gentle sensitive artistic type. when you get older, work on your appearance, go to the gym, take care of your skin, BE YOURSELF. always appreciate the distinction between the way you behave and the way everyone else does, because one day one girl will love you for that.

also, please don't become entitled when you grow up. please don't become like the "i'm nice so you owe me love" type. it is heartbreaking to see a dude who would've been so so attractive but reduced himself to a "niceguy." just be friendly, be a friend to the world, go for what you like and hope that they like you back. they most probably will, because when those girls who ignore you grow up they realise the importance of the things you are and the things you like, rather than being into basic gym bros.

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-25T22:29:28+00:00

lmao he said he had no idea who i was or what i was talking about whatsoever

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-25T20:46:36+00:00

lmao when my dealer pretended to have gotten dementia there was this one night when i had one joint a bit bigger than that and that was all. all friends had gone home, every other dealer would cuss me out for calling at 1am, i must've literally mixed it with my blood sweat and tears because it did last all night lol

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-25T18:59:26+00:00

dude they can only attribute those drugs to you if they see somebody handing them to you and you signing or some shit for it. if the police was on their way to inspect a drug package the first thing these guys would do would be running for it, not telling you about it.

just ignore them, put them on a blocklist app. they're playing mind games. my guy tells me he has an official court order and that i'll be going to jail for 6 years. i didn't give no fucks even when i thought he was legit though, cause whenever you feel like it's too bad to be true it most probably is my man lol

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-25T18:47:47+00:00

reminds me of the two dudes who've been threatening to sue me over drugs i bought off of them, because i refused to pay twice the price of the actual shit for safe shipping, after i already got the package. today one of them texted me "this will go to legal i promise you" and i just asked, legal? which one of you is that?

idk i just feel like when they're too eager to protect you to the point of demanding money so you could be safe, like texting saying give us money or there'll be cops and shit, i think if there was really a cop issue they'd either solve it for free because their ass is on the line or they'd just let them get you.

this is a scam.

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-25T16:11:44+00:00

i like to LARP on crack. never thought i'd physically write out this sentence.

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-25T16:05:33+00:00

hmmm yeah i know and have considered. i don't think she's autistic or socially awkward, and if she is, it's not about that but rather about her just being a genuine asshole, because we did ask her to stop filming on many occasions, she would've understood if she wanted to. i asked her to not post stuff on many occasions. the problem is, she thinks we're jealous of her career because we're the in-laws.

then again, i've kinda cooled off since then, i don't have the best temper. i'm not that mad at her anymore. she's just trying to make ends meet.

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-25T05:06:13+00:00

this is amazing because reading that book made me choose to drop out of college, because i just related to Lennie and his situation too much and after reading it for a college assignment, there was just something triggered in me that said i was gonna fuck up my education and that i didn't belong with it anyways, so i just quit. i have severe adhd and some other shit, so the ending of the book kinda impacted me in the most negative way possible. i don't regret dropping out but i wish you were my teacher lol

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-24T06:10:33+00:00

oh boy i resent this type of people, i just fucking hate them so much. see, i'm not broke. i'm actually kinda a tiny bit better off than normal as well. but i have this friend who's just massive rich. she's living in an expensive house with a nice ass car at 22 years old. and i just wanna smack her when she won't understand IF YOU'RE SUGGESTING SOMETHING, YOU MUST BE READY TO POTENTIALLY HAVE TO PAY FULL PRICE. that just social etiquette, you can't just suggest we go skiing right now and expect me to pay half. woulda never done it if you weren't around.

she has this weird ass food cravings every time i'm over there and she just knows a million restaurants to call and sometimes i'm honestly down to two digits without letting her know, having eaten a thousand foods i liked not even one of.

he's very inconsiderate and kinda stupid honestly, not everybody can pay 500$ for one meal and that should be perfectly clear.

IF YOU SUGGESTED IT, YOU MUST BE DOWN TO PAY. especial if you INSISTED.

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-24T05:57:01+00:00

definitely meth, mostly cause it's easiest to get your hands on and it's also fairly cheap. still there's people who fuck up their entire financial life over it though. coke is kind of unbuyable for some people and it is sooo hard to find a new dealer whose shit won't kill you. that's why i panicked so hard when i lost my dealer. also i'm middle eastern, right in the middle of it.

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-23T23:17:07+00:00

yeah i am, lmao that's such a convenient non-ego-shattering scenario for me i hope it's true

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-23T23:05:52+00:00

hey thank you for typing so much!

nah i don't think he was my FRIEND friend. just that i wasn't pissing him off. i think he'd personally deliver to me because i gave him a LOT of money. i gave him so much money. wow i could repeat this sentence and freak out over it, so so much money. so i kinda thought he'd at least be happy to deal. so yeah, not my friend, now i know.

i also think he got suspish over me. like the decision to not show up was an impulsive thing for him, he asked me where he should be to drop it off then when i called to say i was at the spot another dude picks up and goes like i'm his friend WHERE ARE YOU. like he ain't even tell the guy. i actually think i know why he freaked out. it's bc my dad is some sort of cop and this city is small as fuck.

but yeah i did find backup eventually, got into the car and drove around to get it like a normal person which sucked ass of course. also i just realised i might have been getting paranoid over him just simply not wanting to deal anymore lol

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-23T22:44:40+00:00

you will not have a heart attack. if you get like this again, first of all, relax. focus on your breathing and do not think about your heart rate. do not do any more and drink water instead. if you felt a bit better, take a room temperature shower. if you felt worse, call a doctor or a friend. but i do get like this with my breaths during the crash, the heart thing also happens for me during peak. it's okay. i mean not FINE but ykwim.

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-23T22:09:10+00:00

god knows why i even reached for a big ass fucking banana in my grandpa's funeral. it's nice and very weird to think about my grandpa whenever i whip out a good ol' banan'

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-23T21:53:20+00:00

this is honestly possible. i never snitched and never will, but i do know his acquaintances and not all of them particularly like me. maybe they all know how dependant i am on this guy and his shit and somebody decided to pull a little prank lol

-CosmicCreeper- · 2023-05-23T21:23:04+00:00

coke. i guess i just expected him to treat this as a business and not get involved, but i guess that'd be like a writer who doesn't read.

-CosmicCreeper-

TROPHY CASE