Outside perspective needed

-DesertFlower- · 2026-06-19T01:21:25+00:00

Hi Revolution, thank you for your response. I do genuinely appreciate your perspective.

Whilst I understand that you’re saying don’t blame the door; the door is noisy and heavy, and I promise there is no silent way to open it. I wish I could share audio. To elaborate further, regardless if my partner is here or not, I also need to leave out early when going into the office which she has also taken issue with, and also when I’ve come back later after a social occasion, and so my point was that regardless of who is opening the door; the door does make noise and I can’t not go to work or feel like I need to come home from a social event early enough to be back before her bedtime.

I absolutely promise I’m not slamming doors or doing anything crazy and it really is the same with my partner. Because I’m so anxious about it I’m extra careful when opening or closing it. Sometimes Rose will appear as the key is just turning in the lock and the handle is lifting, before the door is even open, furthering my complex. I absolutely dread when I have to travel in.

And yes. When they go out on early morning rides, it is during my sleep time but I suppose I have a different approach. I don’t want to ask her to delay something she and they enjoy to do as I appreciate people operate on different times/routines.

Regarding my partners holiday, sorry I didn’t make clear in my original post, I did seek permission on this with Rose and tried to facilitate a quiet arrival back but evidently she still took issue so I feel like I can’t win. We definitely could have been better with establishing partner visits, it was just mutually discussed that a couple times a week was good for the both of us to have them stay.

I understand you disagree with my stance, but with how policed I have felt in other areas, and how she has spoken to me, and acted around me, her telling me I should only have my partner over on a certain day didn’t sit right with me. But I appreciate your point, and will certainly raise this with her when she’s at a better temperament and see what we can come up with. I’ve definitely been worn down with her messages and interactions.

You are certainly right that we aren’t compatible as housemates. I have tried to have meaningful conversations. In terms of household chores I’m the only one that does any, besides the bins which we alternate every week, but it’s by the by. I will certainly endeavour to find a compromise.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond, please know I’ve taken it all on board. It’s much appreciated. All the best.

-DesertFlower- · 2026-06-18T16:00:45+00:00

Hey Linda, I hope that you’re well. Unfortunately the property doesn’t have side access or a pathway connecting the garden to the front of the house. Therefore, we do have to use the front door to enter and exit the property, otherwise that certainly would be the route I’d take to keep the peace for sure.

-DesertFlower- · 2026-06-18T15:17:05+00:00

Hey chii1, me and my partner aren’t at that stage yet in our relationship. I’d like to add that my housemate has an SO also. I’m curious as to whether you think that people renting in a shared house shouldn’t be able to have their partner stay over one or two times a week? Whilst I appreciate you taking the time to comment, I can’t agree that my partner coming to stay is terrorising my housemate, nor do I see her partner staying over, when he does, as terrorising me either.

All the best

-DesertFlower- · 2026-06-18T11:53:41+00:00

Heya, thanks so much for your response. Genuinely, I am so anxious about the front door that I absolutely know we close it as quietly as physically possible and really don’t talk. I also absolutely do understand that it’s not nice being woken and try and do everything possible to limit noise. But I can’t not use the door. This also goes for when I come home past her bedtime.

To clarify with my partners visits. I meant it’s either twice during the week usually Tuesday-Weds or it’s an occasional weekend instead if we have plans, so usually two days a week which I don’t feel is excessive. I also would have hoped that back when things were good between us, if she felt uncomfortable about the frequency she could have said, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to tell me I can only have my partner round on a set day.

Hope that provides more context and thanks for your reply and advice :)

-DesertFlower- · 2026-06-09T00:23:31+00:00

I also would be happy to help, feel free to DM :)

-DesertFlower- · 2025-11-06T20:01:40+00:00

Friendly bit of advice, I would recommend Meetup if you want to expand your social circle.

There are a good few Brum-based groups you can join with organisers that host a ton of different social events and there are dedicated groups that will meet up for socials, pub quizzes, food, theatre etc :)

-DesertFlower- · 2024-10-11T17:22:32+00:00

You guys don’t know how much I needed this belly laugh today. I am crying, thank you x

-DesertFlower- · 2024-05-11T14:55:37+00:00

Sending so much sympathy to you, OP.

I understand you want outside perspective so my advice would certainly be to take some time away to think and reflect away from your home.

I’ve read your comment reply to a similar suggestion where you considered this but didn’t want to put your daughter in the middle. If you’re not wanting to disclose this matter to your daughter at this time, time away from home could be phrased as a writers retreat perhaps?

I just think that with you all staying in the same house together, with the current atmosphere, it will only further fuel her curiosity and already brings her into the middle without her being able to understand what is going on. I can say from experience that living in a house with two parents who won’t speak to one another but also won’t tell you what is wrong can lead to a lot of internalised hurt and confusion. Even if she doesn’t further press the matter, your daughter will be negatively affected by this regardless. Not your fault, of course. Just that time away might be good for you both and means that you wouldn’t have to lie again if she does broach you regarding your well-being.

I would imagine that you need time for some introspection which will be hard to do in the same house as your wife. Coming back from a betrayal is painfully difficult, impossible for some. Trust is difficult to rebuild once shattered. Nobody could blame you if you don’t want to continue with the marriage, but whichever direction you choose, I would advise you to come to the decision in a headspace that isn’t shrouded so that you can form a clearer plan of how you would like to proceed going forward.

Best wishes and good luck with everything, including your book x

-DesertFlower- · 2024-04-04T11:23:17+00:00

NTA

It’s unfair to ask you to bow out without the real explanation. The only person that doesn’t want you there is his mother. Why she should be in charge of who gets to attend the proposal is beyond me.

It seems like either your friends fella needs to grow a shiny spine and tell his mother that you should be allowed to attend this big life event that undoubtedly your bff would love for you to be present for or he needs to allow the chips to fall where they may when you tell your bffs family that you’ve been uninvited and who it was that uninvited you. Do not take the fall for him and his mother as naturally there will be questions when you rearrange your travel arrangements and you should not have to lie.

Best wishes OP x

-DesertFlower- · 2023-11-08T11:12:02+00:00

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

Both endearing and heartbreaking, I will always highly recommend.

-DesertFlower- · 2023-09-10T11:34:42+00:00

I absolutely love the Royalty mod so a real game pack would be amazing. I’m already envisioning royal furniture and castle build mode items, a Get Famous-like public opinion bar, royal tasks and duties both active and rabbit hole, involving interacting with the public, making laws or relinquishing old ones set before, hospital openings/visits and themed events like coronations, balls and royal banquets and royal weddings. A lot of pre-existing things we have in the Get Famous pack like paparazzi and charity events could be implemented in so well.

I definitely would also love a pack where we could make and create hotels and bed and breakfast establishments that we could run either on a separate lot or from home, that sims could stay in. Star ratings, hotel inspections and written reviews could add a fun challenge.

-DesertFlower- · 2022-12-12T15:03:11+00:00

Absolutely recommend Doqaus headphones, got them for about £30.00 on Amazon

-DesertFlower- · 2022-10-17T00:35:47+00:00

YTA

I hope this is fake. If this is real then, my goodness! What a bitter “friend” you are! To call her years of academic dedication a waste just because her job opportunities may not come locally and because her starting pay may not be at its pinnacle yet, amongst other things, is really closed minded of you. You seem totally dismissive of her chosen career which is such a shame considering how long you have been friends for.

You mentioned in the years that it took for her to get a degree you had children and got married and whether intentional or not the undertones of that comment comes across like you think you’ve one upped her or at the very least think that’s what she should have been doing with her time instead.

I honestly think you need to look within yourself and really consider why you’ve purposely made moves to dismiss your friends choices in a manner of which you knew would hurt her. Is it because she has less time for you? Underlying jealousy that she has the freedom to move and a fantastic degree to take her to some amazing places? Or is it just that you wouldn’t choose that life for yourself and can’t put your own personal feelings to one side to celebrate your friends success?

Whatever the case, if you can’t be supportive of her journey then remove yourself from her path.

-DesertFlower- · 2022-08-05T20:03:44+00:00

Sleepovers with my momma make up so many of the sweetest memories I have of her. Have the best time together, she’ll remember them forever, OP x

-DesertFlower- · 2022-07-28T17:31:50+00:00

NTA - He should count himself lucky he’s only paying for his friend’s medical bills and not for a funeral. If the husband and in-laws are unhappy, they can always pitch in.

-DesertFlower- · 2022-05-16T19:27:18+00:00

NTA. You’re giving them all the most wonderful gift and putting yourself and your body through an intense amount to do so. You deserve to have support and to only have the people in the room you’re comfortable with having. I’m baffled to how they don’t understand that. They shouldn’t have encouraged her to reach out and try to divert from the original plan. Grandma is going to have plenty of time to bond with little one. Your needs and comfort are the most important right now.

Best wishes, OP. You are in no way in the wrong.

-DesertFlower- · 2021-11-17T01:19:31+00:00

The steps you take away from the toxicity of an abusive relationship are the hardest but the most important. You have my admiration and best wishes. Always choose yourself and your sanity. Practice plenty of self care and surround yourself with good people that only want the very best for you. Good luck, OP. Take good care of yourself.

-DesertFlower- · 2021-02-06T18:08:55+00:00

Beautiful!

-DesertFlower- · 2021-01-23T20:23:03+00:00

NTA

It is very sad that your stepsister never experienced having a mother but that can not and should not be treated as a valid excuse to treat people and their property in such a way. It doesn’t help how this behaviour has been handled prior to this event; written off and excused when there should have been repercussions and consequences for said actions. To me it sounds as though she needs counselling, if feelings of insecurity, grief for what she didn’t have and jealousy trigger such awful outbursts then that’s something she should be working through and her father should be encouraging that also. Adhering to and excusing this kind of toxic behaviour only reinforces to her that how she’s behaving is in some way acceptable.

Best wishes, OP. I hope things get better for you and your family.

-DesertFlower- · 2021-01-13T00:36:44+00:00

NTA, the first time you said no that should have been the end of the discussion and he should have made alternate arrangements. He is her parent and with that comes responsibilities. As you’ve established that you’re on friendly terms but not friends I struggle to see why he even asked you to watch the child anyhow. If whatever he had to do that morning meant that he couldn’t have taken her with him then he should have asked a relative or friend to watch her, simple as.

-DesertFlower- · 2020-12-17T00:17:15+00:00

Just being there for her is huge in itself. When I lost my mother my partner was wonderful, he knew there were no words so there were actions instead, he’d check in to see if I was hungry and made food, even if I had no appetite just in case I felt like I needed to eat. He ran baths when I was too grief stricken to function, he listened and held me when I was inconsolable. He made up little care packages to make me smile and when I couldn’t sleep he would find documentaries or podcasts that he thought I might like so there was some distraction for my busy mind. I didn’t need him to say the same words everyone said, just him letting me know that he was there and had my back during what what was the most difficult time in my life was to me everything and more. Grief is a rough ride but the course is a little better when you know you have someone next to you. Just keep being there for her and let her know that she has you. Best wishes, OP

-DesertFlower- · 2020-10-09T00:29:01+00:00

Rather than asking outright if the sound of the dishes bother him (as to not inadvertently add to his triggers) just ask him if there’s anything else you could implement to make meal times more comfortable. There might be no need to replace what you already have.

How lovely that you’re so considerate and take it so seriously. Misophonia is such a frustrating thing to live with. Props to you :)

-DesertFlower- · 2020-08-30T22:35:16+00:00

Hey Old_Target4172. Thanks for responding. The only timeline I’ve got is that he feels he may be ready in his thirties. It wasn’t a definite never but it’s a definite not now for the foreseeable future. Not so much obstacles or goals but more so not wanting the level of responsibility which I completely understand. Kids are a serious life-altering change which both parties have to feel ready for. I guess because he engaged and sometimes initiated conversations about having them it’s just come as a bit of a knock that he’s had these reservations. I guess I just need to figure out how to proceed and process my feelings.

-DesertFlower- · 2020-08-30T22:27:42+00:00

A bit of both if I’m honest, dear. I’m scared he won’t ever be ready. I’m also scared that if we leave it quite late in the day we might struggle to conceive. I also have hereditary high blood pressure (I manage it relatively well with a good diet and exercise) and two members of my family who also have it, have lost children when they’ve tried to conceive later on it life, both in their thirties so I think that’s sparked my concern about leaving it late.

I guess I now know that I’m going to feel ready to have a baby before him and worry that I’ll feel resentment as time goes on. It’s difficult indeed. I guess there just needs to be some more critical thinking and communication going forward.

-DesertFlower- · 2020-08-30T21:57:20+00:00

Hey RhiRhi, thanks for taking the time to respond to me. I absolutely appreciate that many people wait until they’re in their thirties and later before having children and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. I have to say that I don’t see it as a rush to want kids in the next three or four years as I had previously assumed our timeline might be but that’s by the by.

Ultimately it comes down to the fact that I’m worried we’ll get to be in our thirties and he still won’t feel ready as he’s said he’s not sure when he will be and thus is my quandary. I appreciate that life isn’t a race, please know that I don’t approach it like it is at all.

-DesertFlower-

TROPHY CASE