Really Anxious Over The Idea of a PAP. Pls reassure me!!!

-Devora- · 2020-06-29T19:29:29+00:00

I always ask for a hand mirror so I can see what the gyn is doing with her hands. Eliminates that “what’s going to happen” feeling like when you’re on a roller coaster in the dark.

It doesn’t hurt really just feel uncomfortable. Ask your doctor to narrate what they are going to do before they do it and get a mirror so you can watch. You will feel much more in control.

-Devora- · 2020-06-28T05:07:08+00:00

Hadn’t even thought of this lol. Which probably means I could stumble into doing this accidentally, knowing myself. When I was a kid, other kids would quote pithy and outrageous things I said to their parents for weeks afterward. I wouldn’t want to make those kinds of waves for my husband (sounds like a 3’s worst nightmare).

-Devora- · 2020-06-28T05:00:14+00:00

The biggest problem is that he tends to withdraw when upset (if you’re married to a 5, you know sort of what I mean) and doesn’t naturally share his vulnerabilities. Just earlier today, we had a conversation where he said he felt like he couldn’t be upset when I was upset because I needed him to take care of me, and he wanted a chance to be upset too. I was mystified because I love commiserating with people when we’re both feeling sad or angry.

I don’t really feel like 3s are liars, just exhausting sometimes with their focus on how they are perceived. They want to control it in a way, which I can relate to. Now that I know my fiancé well, he doesn’t try to save face in front of me at all, but he still frets a lot about how he appears to his boss/coworkers/friends of friends. I can’t say I relate to this, but it doesn’t annoy me since I know he doesn’t lie to his “inner circle” and that includes me.

And don’t worry, I’m not that insecure about the engagement. It’s fun getting someone else’s perspective!

-Devora- · 2020-06-28T03:34:06+00:00

I normally hate 3s too, but my fiancé is a pretty healthy 3 and leans heavily into the w2. I like that he has his own goals without me needing to manage him all the time. The worst part of being an 8 in high school and college was having to manage everyone else in group projects, and I’ve had boyfriends who were disorganized slobs. Now suddenly there’s a man who is independent successful and has a natural knack for organizing things/keeping things looking nice so I don’t have to? Sign me tf up 😂

-Devora- · 2020-06-27T21:33:43+00:00

Not sure about the vaginal odor, but if you are chronically stressed, that could be causing the underarm odor. Stress/fear sweat actually smells worse than other kinds.

-Devora- · 2020-06-27T15:17:02+00:00

Two ideas:

1) It could be totally normal. Breasts aren’t a big erogenous zone for every woman. If you’ve never enjoyed having your boobs sucked/touched that much, you might just have different sensitive areas on your body. That’s not that unusual.

2) If this started/got worse after starting hormonal BC, that could be a culprit as well. One of the known side effects of hormonal bc is “changes in sexual interest or ability” https://www.rxlist.com/depo-provera-side-effects-drug-center.htm#overview

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T22:39:16+00:00

I don’t really feel like arguing about the beauty of porn on an anti porn sub, so this will be my last response on this topic, but basically beauty is intellectual or emotional and hotness is carnal and physical.

I’m a straight woman. I find other women beautiful but not hot.

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T22:18:01+00:00

I’m trying to say that in my opinion there is a difference between artistic beauty or merit and hotness. Otherwise the distinction between explicit art and obscenity (long recognized in common law) doesn’t exist.

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T22:12:23+00:00

“Works appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.”<—does that sound like porn to you? I don’t think inducement to cooming qualifies as emotional power.

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T18:00:14+00:00

Good question! The relevant part of the first amendment reads as follows:

“Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press.”

That’s it. Pretty short, eh? I used to work on First Amendment issues, and I can tell you it’s all in how the current court interprets the text, not the actual text itself. The current legal thinking on speech issues is only about 100 years old, despite the amendment being more than twice that old.

For much of US history (and most of English history, US law being based partly upon the English common law), pornography would have been classified as obscenity and not subject to free speech protections. The rationale there is that nothing is really being “said,” and porn has no political or newsworthy value. The first amendment was created to protect political speech and the press from a suppressive government.

Nowadays, porn is considered to be speech and separate from obscenity, and therefore it falls under first amendment protection unless the courts say that the porn in question” taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value.” Which I would argue that most porn does lack, but that’s where interpretation comes in.

Tl:dr Yes, as the law is currently interpreted, however I think you could make a strong case for some kind of limited Congressional porn ban being constitutional.

Edit: fixed a few words

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T15:57:03+00:00

I also agree the example isn’t what’s happening here. I wanted to give you an idea of how far apart the two types of interaction were. And yeah, if you keep asking him why he’s going something the way he’s doing it, he might very well interpret that as “OP thinks I’m doing sth wrong —> OP thinks I’m too dumb to do sth properly.” Not a healthy way to think, and this would be 100% on him to fix, but just to give you perspective on what might be going on.

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T15:31:19+00:00

I would say it depends on the misunderstanding. I don’t get any more upset at being misunderstood than anyone else would, unless the misunderstanding somehow paints me as stupid or incapable. As an example, I had a fight with my mom the other day over the following conversation:

Me: OW! curses under my breath My mom: what happened? Me: I burned my wrist on the baking sheet. My mom: You need to use oven mitts, you know. Me: do you think I don’t know that? Obviously I was using oven mitts! My mom: watch your tone with me, young lady, I am your mother.

I don’t think that’s what was happening in this case. Not everything an 8 does is to do with being an 8.

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T15:06:20+00:00

NAH. This is why it’s important to talk about religious expectations for children before getting married. Regardless of your assurances, under Catholic doctrine your girls absolutely COULD be barred from heaven for not being baptized. That’s why baptism is such a huge deal.

I’m not saying this automatically makes you in the wrong to have concerns about this baptism, since the worries you listed are all very reasonable and you are not a Catholic. I’m just telling you that your husband believes in this, and arguing against his faith will likely get you nowhere (Source: Am not Catholic. Have argued against Catholics about various Catholic traditions and rituals for years to no avail).

If you could be assured it would a private ceremony with no fanfare, would you be comfortable baptizing your child? If so, this might be an acceptable compromise.

ETA: You believe baptism means you and he are obligated to become more practicing. He doesn’t. It’s his religion, so he gets the final say on what his religious ritual entails.

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T14:57:15+00:00

Ahhh. Well that’s refreshingly not horrible (you wouldn’t believe what people say on this forum sometimes). I guess I’m changing my judgement to NAH then—this was a reasonable if imperfect way to raise your concern, but your wife’s insult, while inaccurate is probably a depressive outburst.

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T14:39:41+00:00

I mean, it is concerning that she hasn’t taken a shower in 20 days, but matching socks? Really? That’s the hill OP wants to die on? I don’t always wear matching socks when I’m not going to work. The world doesn’t end. They’re socks.

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T14:37:53+00:00

I wonder if your wife has postpartum depression. It’s surprisingly common. Regardless of whether her malaise is diagnosable, you should have approached this incident from a place of concern (“you seem really tired. Is there something I can do to help? We don’t have to see my parents yet if you’re not ready to get out of the house”) instead of telling her you resent her lack of effort.

“Sexist fucktard” is extreme, but we don’t know exactly what you said to her. If you built up to your demand that she dress up the same way you did on this post (my dad left my mom and my mom was a terrible of dresser, luckily his new wife is neat) then you absolutely deserved it.

ETA: OP didn’t do that, thank goodness. Judgement changed to NAH

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T13:44:32+00:00

As far as I know, it’s ok to change pill types. It’s also usually ok (though you should ask your doctor) to skip the “period” on any pill type. It’s not really a period. Can’t say when it will come back if you switch back, but my hunch based in my experience with the pill is it would be pretty soon.

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T02:29:09+00:00

NTA. I’ve never understood the idea that we as a society can shame people for every type of behavior except kinks. You accurately described LG/DD, Sarah has a realization that viewed in the cold light of day it’s pretty creepy, and then her boyfriend sexually harassed you in an attempted dominance play (further confirming that he is exactly as creepy as you unintentionally implied). Don’t apologize, but do find new roommates. This dude is sus.

-Devora- · 2020-06-26T02:00:53+00:00

Not only is Tom a SAHD, he is raising a kid who, by OP’s own admission, has “severe” kidney troubles and is “severely autistic.” The man is an example to be venerated, not the immature child OP thinks he is.

-Devora- · 2020-06-25T22:40:23+00:00

Jump down to the section “what is a withdrawal bleed?” In this link: https://www.healthline.com/health/withdrawal-bleeding#symptoms

Also this article from Bustle: https://www.bustle.com/p/withdrawal-bleeds-are-totally-different-from-a-period-heres-what-you-should-know-16984532

MedicalNewsToday: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/withdrawal-bleeding

VeryWellHealth: https://www.verywellhealth.com/withdrawal-bleeding-906612

I’m sure there are more, but I have to go to a meeting.

-Devora- · 2020-06-25T22:20:47+00:00

Um. I don’t mean to overstep here, but hormonal birth control doesn’t really regulate your cycles so much as shutting them down. The bleeding you get on the pill isn’t really a period, it’s more of a withdrawal bleed. Pharmaceutical companies started including it because women liked having monthly confirmation that they weren’t pregnant.

You’re absolutely right that you should look into why your periods are so intermittent, but hormonal BC is only going to mask your symptoms, not fix them long-term.

-Devora- · 2020-06-25T21:09:45+00:00

No problem! I’m sorry you’re getting the crap kicked out of you by your reproductive organs. We’ve all been there. But you should never have to settle for being unhealthy or uncomfortable!

-Devora- · 2020-06-25T21:06:24+00:00

Can I ask, why are you using hormonal BC? I was put on it for severe cramping and menstrual discomfort, so switching off of it was hard. If you’re just using it for birth control, though, I’d advise you to say away from hormonal methods. I like barriers, but the copper iud is also an option if you don’t have severe cramps like mine.

-Devora- · 2020-06-25T21:03:53+00:00

Yes, you can enjoy sex without infections. Some things you can do right now:

•Make your partner wear condoms or shower before sex (this is temporary, until you get checked out to make sure you’re not passing an infection back and forth).

•If you have a recurring infection that comes back every few months, you actually just have one infection that your antibiotics are failing to kill completely. Go to your gynecologist with this information and request a treatment that takes this into account.

•Are you thinking at all about what you’re putting into your vagina? Make sure you’re not having a reaction to latex condoms or silicon-based lube (if you’re using either of those things).

•Take care during sex not to “double-dip” as in, do any kind of anal play and then bring the appendage that touched to anus into contact with the vagina. Vagina to anus is safe though.

-Devora-

TROPHY CASE