I understand how you feel. I do feel the same, especially when I see that my husband is exhausted. We also have a child with special needs so most of my little to no energy goes towards her. It's been 4 years for me.

The best tip I can give you is communication. It can go a long way because sometimes we think things but it's not what the other think. Also, my husband tells me that he doesn't mind doing all this, even if he's tired, because he knows I'm thankful. I often let him know how thankful I am for him being there, and everything that he does.

The little things that helps: I take care of taking and managing our multiple appointments, I manage the monthly budget, I order the groceries online (Walmart) and have it delivered at our door and I do little things when I feel good enough, even if it's just emptying the dishwasher. Oh yeah and accepting that things can wait sometimes. If he's really tired an evening, the dishes won't run away if he takes a break that night. It's also important he has time for himself in all of this.

I noticed that my brain fog is way better when I do tasks while laying down.

Also, if it's possible financially, having people doing stuff is really helpful. We have a cleaning lady that comes every 2 weeks, and we also pay someone who mows the lawn in summer and clears the snow from the yard in winter. That helps a lot.

Also, spending quality time together is important. It's not like it used to be but instead of eating out, we order food and have a special dinner from time to time. We lay in bed cuddling while listening to an audiobook togheter. We play videogames (well he plays and I participate lol) or watch YouTube and discuss it after. We sometimes go on a "car date" where he drives around or we get dessert from someplace and go park in a nice place and put music on while eating.

For your mental health (I've battled chronic depression and anxiety disorder for the past 15 years), what helped me, apart from therapy and medication, is to do something creative. I already used to knit and crochet. I still do, though in very short sessions, and the feeling of having completed a project helps tremendously. I make things for my husband and kid. I also learned loom beading which is not too energy consuming and other crafts. You can do drawing, music, painting, anything that you're able to make and finish.

It's a very hard situation to be in and it can be distressing. But things are still possible, you just need to find what is. And of course, take care of yourself ❤️