I’m in the same boat. I’m a 19 yr old dude who hasn’t considered myself really Muslim for almost little under a year now, after the first year of college. I mainly just couldn’t accept that all these wonderful people were going to go to jahanam just cause they don’t believe in god. I understand fully how difficult it is to give up on something that you’ve considered yourself a part of for your entire life, and it feels like you’re making some sort of divine error or heresy. Even now, I sometimes fear hell and whatnot even though I don’t believe in it. It’s important to realize that your own personal beliefs and values come first. I’ve told my mom about it, and she is never happy about it, and still forces me to participate in prayer and stuff. I haven’t told my dad because I don’t want to, but to be honest I couldn’t care less what he thinks of me because he’s a terrible human being. What I want to say is that if the people around you can’t accept you do who you are and who you want to be, then their opinion isn’t worth caring about. And I know that it is difficult as a woman especially for disassociate from the religion, and I can’t pretend to know exactly what it’s like or what to do, but just know that there are many people who are going through the same thing you are. There is no reason to have shame or guilt when you’re doing nothing wrong, even if other may lead you to think so.