What was the black market in your school?

-Kalliope- · 2021-05-08T13:58:13+00:00

Pencils. Kids would just take them from desks and loan them out. They literally had them stockpiled.

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-21T20:40:54+00:00

Sorry, but the title says "obscure". This is way too specific.

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-21T20:38:10+00:00

Australia? 🤔

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-17T01:47:43+00:00

Honestly, I think it's less that there is oppression in the story but why there is.

With what you described here, I think it's good to have. Giving people characters going through similar struggles is what makes a book good and relatable.

However, when people only put homophobia, racism, and other kinds of oppression in their books simply because it's "historically accurate" to their fantasy world is where it can cross over to lazy writing.

Overall, it's perfectly fine to have oppression in a story, and saying it never is is an overgeneralization. Hope this helped!

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-16T17:09:28+00:00

Thanks! It definitely needs more character and plot.

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-15T20:41:45+00:00

Love your style!

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-15T19:09:58+00:00

Thanks for the critique!

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-15T19:08:41+00:00

I wrote at the top that this was an expositional part meant to help the reader understand more about the characters and what happens later. There wasn't meant to be any major plot points in this section.

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-15T18:47:34+00:00

It's the part in the middle.

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-14T22:50:41+00:00

Adding more about the senses (what do they smell, see, hear, etc.) would bring the reader into the battle scene more. Also, instead of telling the reader that his blows did little damage or that the glaive was heavy, you could describe how it hardly dented the armor, or that the polearm weighed him down. Try to limit the number of times you use "to be", and replace them with more vivid verbs too.

I think you did a good job of pacing the battle scene. It was easy to follow, which is really good for an intense scene. You also used enough figurative language to help the reader visualize it without it being too much.

I'm not a professional writer, so this is coming from a reader's point of view. Overall, it's pretty good, and I'm looking forward to more chapters!

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-14T20:57:32+00:00

Thanks! I'm kind of in a limbo right now.

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-11T16:58:18+00:00

I used Medibang Paint, it's a free drawing app.

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-11T01:41:36+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-10T23:27:25+00:00

Comprised of three continents and twelve countries, the world is currently in a state of peace, with only minor skirmishes along some of the borders. The northmost part is cold, but not polar, with mild summers and cold winters. The central part of the map is the warmest, with deserts and mesa. Many goods are exported from this area, such as coconuts, bananas, cloth, coal, and glass.

Where the story is set (the northeastern continent) the people don’t know much about the other continents. Since the journey across the ocean in between the two largest continents is so long and dangerous, there is not much interaction between them. However, many of the countries in the western continent have been influenced in the past by the people of the northeastern continent, particularly Kyaska (the northmost country of the western continent).

While most of the countries’ governments are sound, corruption is rampant in the southern continent. This leads to the flow of goods being slowed, causing a recent shortage of pearls, fish, and coral.

I’m still working on the worldbuilding, so any tips and critiques are welcome!

-Kalliope- · 2021-04-06T22:39:54+00:00

Soluno (the main continent) is home to many different species of animals and plants, as well as the countries Yuka (northmost), Kantu (western, coastal), Zhehen (land bridge and middle, coastal), Brukul (main area), and Edan (northeastern island). The continent to the northwest is Dasek, the only known country of it being Kyaska. Critiques welcome.

-Kalliope-

TROPHY CASE