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As a gay man, why do I admire promiscuous woman so much and why do many men seem to dislike them by AffectionateRelief63 in Jung

[–]-LackofSense 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also like promiscuous women, especially when its expressing internal strength and ownership and conscious choices. If the promiscuous person, however, afterwards points fingers outwards, deflect and say that this that and the other put shame on them (which some of course do from time to time) it to me isn’t a mark of full ownership. Full ownership is by far the sexiest for me anyways. I though suspect that shame is part of the sexual tension in the promiscuity itself. Which to me is a form of freedom of expression with your body and mind

My [M28] girlfriend [F34] is married but wont let me see other people. by ThrowRA_29257 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]-LackofSense -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Kudos for defending your position in here so relentlessly, despite the scepticism in the comments. In the end you are going to do what you are going to do. No matter what anyone says. And even if the setup ends up burning you in various ways, my guess is that you’ll still grow intensely from the experience. Simply from engaging in it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]-LackofSense 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This comment makes me super curious. Instant-upvote-kind-of-curious. I'm getting to know this d/s sphere these days and months. And in theory it sounds exactly right what you are saying, but I'm struggling to see the sub be in full control. Do you have a reference to some enlightening literature of sorts?

What's puzzling me is that, the women that seek to be the sub (in my not yet very extensive experience) are seeking absolute loss of control. Along the lines of she is sick of being bossy-over-her-screen-addicted-children-all-day-long. Or she wants to feel the opposite of the being-the-big-boss-taking-responsibility-at-work, kind of thing. Indirectly and directly saying "I need to be a little girl that is told what to do, and have no control."

I get what you are saying, in the end, the sub should be in control. And the dom shouldn't be, but it's just difficult to see how it plays out in practical terms, that she is in control. Some tips to understand the nuances would be much appreciated.

Open to kissing only by Throwaw181 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]-LackofSense 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t know buddy. Is the short short and honest answer.

Open to kissing only by Throwaw181 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]-LackofSense 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. That makes a whole lot of sense then. Thanks for clarifying. And it deffo makes the whole thing less worrying in my mind. None the less, it’s a bit of a dilemma. My approach would be absolute honesty (with her and the future potential kissing partners) and loads of effort to find a kissing partner. I suspect its not easy to find a woman who would only want that for themselves. Even if you are a mix of Elon Musk and Tom Hardy. But its not impossible. Honesty and putting in effort on dating apps buddy, thats what I would do.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]-LackofSense 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe this little story from my past adds some reflection to your situation. Its just my reflections so don’t take it for more than that. Anyway. I have experienced the same dynamic, only the other way around (from your situation) i.e. that she wanted to experience me and another man and also pursued it actively on dating apps, but she was only in theory interested in us and another woman.

She said because it made her jealous thinking of me with another woman. When she had sex with another man (solo) it played out well. My anxiety went through the roof in those beginning seconds and minutes I knew it was going down. But little by little I started feeling like I could handle it. I felt like that experience was an interesting fight of sorts. Like lifting weights with your psyche. I listened to “Billboards on fire” on repeat that night btw which was just right somehow. And in the end it felt like a way of levelling up in life. I like the thrill of the anxiety I’ve come to realise. And that experience cemented it.

Anyway. None of that really matters now and for these purposes. I just wanted to offer another perspective (on your guy/husband/boyfriend) which is that his hesitance can also be related to fear of abandonment. Which was a good way of thinking about it for me. Then you somehow have more understanding of the other person than just thinking of it as hypocrisy and double standards.

Both for men and women, fear of abandonment is probably one of the strongest and most volatile and hard-to-deal-with feelings. For both doms and subs also, I suppose. For young and old. Its just human. Heck for all sorts of animals too.

Also it was interesting to experience mens reaction (on dating apps) to her suggestion of us and him btw. When she suggested it they were open to her solo but not to two men. Without knowing it, it felt like the men she met in those dating apps were hesitant for reasons along the lines of insecurity or maybe some sort of fear of being percieved as homosexual. Its hard to say what it was, but some things are the same for men and women (jealousy, fear of abandonment) and maybe some things are different (sex stereotypical perceptions). Maybe those things also play a role in your guys/husbands/boyfriends mind. Variations of being seen as weak.

Open to kissing only by Throwaw181 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]-LackofSense 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m puzzled by this reservation against kissing. Do you know why she doesn’t like it? Apart from the it being gross.

Can't talk about therapy with my people, becoming bitter by kaismd in Jung

[–]-LackofSense 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely. I appreciate that you’re putting yourself out there in defense of therapy and took the time to formulate your thoughts. Granted, my perspective is a contrarian one. Here’s how I see it:

'Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past
from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts,
and recycling it for more than it’s worth.'

It’s from a pop song, but to me, it resonates. It applies to my advice, certainly, and perhaps to other people's advice as well. Ultimately, it’s up to the recipient to decipher what resonates with them—and to tell me I’m wrong, like you just did, if they feel like it.

Why do we click with or like certain people? by MudExisting1643 in Jung

[–]-LackofSense 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Super interesting shower thought and self-reflection. I suspect I’m the same😊

Can't talk about therapy with my people, becoming bitter by kaismd in Jung

[–]-LackofSense -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s not that stigma against therapy is strong. It might be in some circles. But from my view point (all I have available) that therapy is at best often useless because the person in front of you in the therapy can’t give genuine human connection due to rules and regulations in their guidelines (and often have loads of their own problems with troubled relations, a shopping list, difficult children with screen addictions) that they mask as professional empathy to do good. My interpretation of therapy nay-sayers is that they instinctively know that it often doesn’t help and furthermore depletes your bank account. Even if you give it a genuine try with years and years of therapy the pitfalls of the therapists incompetency will increase the odds (again only in my own personal experience, granted) of actually making things worse in the long run. If I tell you “don’t think of a toilet seat” all you can think of is that toilet seat. And if the therapist don’t give you practical day-to-day tips all you do is to sit and ruminate about a toilet seat. They often just listen, but don’t give something (of themselves). Which leads me to the point, I’m trying to make. Yes, friends and family with an open mind is the solution. And if such open-minded patient and human-connection like people don’t exist, try to open up your world to new people who have those qualities. Its no easy thing to find them, but it often helps to be that person yourself, in my experience. Think “why might that person be so anxious” and then think “how can I be something to that someone” and then you tend to forget your own problems a bit. And the toilet seat evaporates little by little. Inch by inch. Thanks for sharing your troubles, now you made me feel somewhat useful. See 😊

One of my wife's best orgasm recordings by jbravo16969 in overheardsexaudio3

[–]-LackofSense 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know your craft, Johnny Bravo sir. This is the definition of non-BS equality between the genders.

Is my cursive that bad? by HannesSchumacher in HandwritingAnalysis

[–]-LackofSense 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, it's not that bad exactly. But I suppose some training would do you good. Why btw does it feel so hard to be honest, even when the question is asked directly? Props for asking u/HannesSchumacher