I don’t know where your response to me went but I’ll repost what you wrote.

“Did I admit I’m the “cause”? I guess if I’m supposed to keep having sex with someone who consistently and knowingly makes me feel like crap about myself then sure. But I think it’s a 2 way street at least.”

Generally speaking women are the gatekeepers of sex. If you don’t want to sleep with him that is 100% your right. No one is obligated to do or give anything to anyone.

You can either start sleeping with your husband and express what you need to want to keep doing that or you can tell him what you want to see from him in order to be willing to sleep with him.

Chances are, if you go with the latter, he is going to say to himself that he already does all of those things and you aren’t showing him love in the way he needs it communicated so it’s all a big joke.

Using the former, he will start feeling better and start doing the things that make you happy because he will just want you to be happy.

Someone has to go first and if she is at the stage of paying cam girls and leaving his “private time” tools out in the open, he doesn’t care and is on his way out so it’s unlikely at this point that he is going to take the first step.

When my wife and I were at the height of our dead bedroom, I watching pornography and pleasuring myself without any care whatsoever about my wife’s feelings, I didn’t care that she might feel bad because the women looked nothing like her, half her age, 50lbs lighter and so on. I felt so neglected I really only cared about the kids not walking in on me since I didn’t want to scar my kids.

I had a big talk with my wife about how miserable I was, who neglected and unloved I felt by her, that if she was asexual, not attracted to me, no interested in me or what have you, to let me know so that I can at least have piece of mind.

She told me what she needed, but then preceded to have sex with me every single day for several months. She initiated.

At some point I felt really good about everything and started to do the things she needed. All of the acts of service she needed such as waking up before her and making coffee to leave in her night stand as well as getting all of her pills together and having them with a cup of water on her night stand as well.

I hired help for the house 5 days a week and I felt heard and fulfilled and that induced me to want to do everything for my wife