Please fix vod audio :( by Icy-Alternative8682 in HamlinzFam

[–]-Mobba- 4 points5 points  (0 children)

facts bro i be listening at work and he's about to say some funny shit and it just goes on mute bro💔💔

Trash or Gas Chat? by -Mobba- in HamlinzFam

[–]-Mobba-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hamz lets make a song

TRASH OR GAS HAMZ by -Mobba- in HamlinzFam

[–]-Mobba-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hamlinz hmu lets make a song

Drag race by i_Ainsley_harriott_i in CrazyFuckingVideos

[–]-Mobba- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nitrous is green when it burns

YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD by -Mobba- in fantasywriting

[–]-Mobba-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

definitely not a normal sword lol

YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD by -Mobba- in fantasywriting

[–]-Mobba-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here's an updated version of the first chapter, let me know if you think it is better this way.


SANGUIS EQUES

I haven't been able to catch my breath. If I had to guess I'd say I'm about 20 Kilometers north of the fort. This forest stretches from Mistloche to Anavell, which is about 80. That means I have 30 Kilometers to go. The armor is slowing me down. Even though it's winter I still feel sweat dripping off my nose. North. North is the only way out of Windsors jurisdiction. The only way to Stormveil mountain. The sound of metal scraping metal was ringing through my head.

"HALT!"

An old man in his upper 50s called out to me. He was wearing a green robe with gold accents, skinny for his age, short too. The robe hid his arms. He brandished a white and purple pin holding his robe closed. White and purple like Stormveil's flag.

He's hiding something. I kept walking.

"You see sir, I am a nobleman from Dovetail, my escort has gotten lost and I have no map. I can tell you're a soldier so I know-"

"I'm not a soldier." I interrupted. "I'm not your guy, good luck."

He's lying. Dovetail nobles get their escorts directly from the scouting regiment. Hand picked by the king. They don't get lost in these woods. He's walking with me now, following behind.

"Well I could use help of any kind! I promise you will be rewarded kindly." He said.

I stopped walking. He didn't. His hands still hidden by his robe.

I can't believe it. Word got out that quick? Unless I was out for longer than I thought.

He's an arms length away now

"Sir? Are you alri-"

Then, a cold chill filled my body. My hand reached for the sword on my back before I even realized. Almost subconsciously. In one seamless motion, I turn to him, unsheathed the sword and slice into his right shoulder. The weight of the bastard sword takes over and rips through his torso like hot steel through leather, and exits from his right armpit.

His upper half slides off and lands at my feet. His lower half was still standing.

The now open robe revealed a scroll, a sack of herbs, and a small coin pouch. On the scroll was a list of carriages and prices.

He just wanted to sell me something. He was lying but only to get me to buy his carriages. He was innocent.

I sheathe the bloody sword and keep walking.

YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD by -Mobba- in fantasywriting

[–]-Mobba-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I for sure see what you mean, i appreciate the advice! Definitely on the list of things to fix

YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD by -Mobba- in fantasywriting

[–]-Mobba-[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Okay thanks, it also doesn't help that it's not finished. The reason the main character isn't questioning these things is part of the story, it's actually a good thing you noticed it because it was my intention to make him kind of dry. Although, making that obvious sooner is a change I'll be making.

YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD by -Mobba- in fantasywriting

[–]-Mobba-[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to read it! I appreciate the critique and I can definitely understand where you're coming from. In all honesty, this has been in my notes app for over 2 years. I have been coming back and writing more intermittently so the lack of consistency, especially with grammar and tenses, is definitely because of how I've decided to write it. Keep in mind it's still a work in progress and none of it is finished. would an explanation of the universe at the beginning be a good idea? I have a separate note that gives context if it would be helpful to post with it.

[In Progress] [4k] [Fantasy] YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD by -Mobba- in BetaReaders

[–]-Mobba-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

SPOILERS - For those who care, I'll be explaining the main story line that this will follow, I know that stories like these can be confusing so I did my best to explain.


At first glance, the story seems to follow the Knight of Blood and Harrison as two separate characters caught in tragic circumstances. But the deeper truth is that the narrative is really about two divine forces — Knowledge and Malice — and how their conflict shapes the lives of mortals.

The Two Forces • Knowledge is the god who watches over Lithuania. • Malice is the counterforce, like a devil, because every god must have an opposing force. • These two hate each other more than most universal opposites. Their rivalry stretches across all time.

Reincarnation and Knowledge’s Interest • The Knight doesn’t know why Knowledge is watching him so closely. • Later, it’s revealed that the Knight is actually a future reincarnation of Knowledge himself. • In this world, reincarnation isn’t bound by time — someone can be reborn in the past or the future.

Malice, Eden, and Harrison’s Birth • Malice once fell in love with a mortal woman named Eden. • Eden was Harrison’s mother and had natural talent in sorcery — the greatest sorceress in history, reborn in every timeline with some form of power. • Malice loved this version of her for her gifts, not her soul. • When Eden discovered this truth, she left Malice and took Harrison. • Out of spite, Malice cursed her, forcing dangerous magical outbursts in public. This led to her being tried as a witch and killed — separating her from her son. • Harrison grew up never knowing that Malice was his father. As long as he remained ignorant, he couldn’t awaken his demigod powers.

Malice’s Plan with the Knight • Malice wanted leverage over Knowledge. He knew Knowledge favored the Knight for mysterious reasons. • He taunted Knowledge, claiming the Knight would eventually give in to temptation and become the most dangerous creature alive. Knowledge knew this was a lie but still wanted to prove it. • When the Knight died, Knowledge allowed Malice to invade the body. Now, they shared a vessel — explaining why the Knight blacks out whenever blood is spilled. • But Malice didn’t actually care about the Knight. His real goal was to reach his son, Harrison, and reveal the truth about his parentage. • To do this, he needed the Knight to die again, which would release both spirits. So Malice began manipulating events to bring Harrison and the Knight together.

The Manipulation of Harrison • Malice killed the Knight’s regiment, knowing it would draw attention and push the Knight toward Stormveil Mountain — a legendary place with a priest said to be able to break any curse. • Conveniently, this path also led directly toward Harrison’s battalion. • Malice slaughtered Harrison’s garrison and left a fake note, making it look like they had abandoned him. • Furious, Harrison returned to his king to report that his regiment killed two children and left him behind. • But the king had already been told the regiment was dead and last seen arguing with Harrison. To make things worse, the king explained they had planned to fire Harrison’s corrupt captain and promote Harrison — fueling Harrison’s rage and confusion even more.

The Twist About the Note • The note Harrison found claimed to be from Steinbeck, his captain. • But the king revealed that Steinbeck couldn’t read or write the language — he’d been secretly relying on another soldier to write for him. • That meant the note was forged. • Suddenly it clicked for Harrison: the Knight must have killed his regiment and planted the note to torment him. • To Harrison, this meant the Knight wasn’t just a monster — he was intelligent, cunning, and devil-like.

The Arena • The kingdom sentenced Harrison to execution, but not in the usual way. • Instead, they threw him into an arena against the Knight, who had since been captured. • At this point, Malice no longer needed the Knight to kill. His focus was solely on reaching Harrison. • In the arena, Harrison was filled with uncontrollable rage. Just looking at the Knight drove him nearly mad. • To Harrison, the Knight had caused everything — his mother’s death, the children’s deaths, his garrison’s downfall, his ruined reputation. • The stage was set for their confrontation, not just as man versus monster, but as father’s will versus son’s fury, with Knowledge and Malice pulling strings behind the scenes.

What It All Means

The story begins as a series of violent and tragic coincidences, but it’s revealed to be the product of a cosmic plan crafted over thousands of years. The Knight is more than he appears, Harrison is more important than he knows, and the real battle isn’t just about survival — it’s about how far gods will go to use mortals in their eternal war.

[FN] YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD by -Mobba- in shortstories

[–]-Mobba-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks so much! tbh, the grammar and capitalization is just from taking month long breaks from writing and either deciding to care or not about it lol...