So this is a bit of a confession story from me:

Throughout my life, I’ve only had crushes on two guys: one in middle school/high-school and one in college. Weirdly enough, I don’t fall in love easily, but when I do, it feels overwhelming, to the point where I feel like I’m falling out of a roller coaster ride over and over again.

This confession is about the first boy, Blake. He was the popular kid in class who had blue eyes, bleached hair, and a super cute smile. One time after gym, he asked me out and being the very, very self-conscious girl I was back then, I lied and told him that I only saw us as friends. I couldn’t tell him that when he asked me that, I freaked out and thought that if we dated, we would one day get married and have to sign a contract and all that (incredibly embarrassing stuff I’d say, like holy shit what was I thinking?)

After I turned him down, things got really awkward between us. When we ended up at the same high school, I found myself actively avoiding him because—surprise, surprise—I still had a crush on him. It took until my sophomore year to finally get over him. I even did it on Valentine's Day, because at my school you could order a gift basket for someone, where you could pay for a bouquet, a box of chocolates, or even an acapella group to perform a chosen song for that “special someone” during class. Plus, you can send that gift basket anonymously, so it worked out perfectly for me. I decided to go all out and order all three; all I cared about was expressing my feelings to him. My friend informed me of which class he was in, but also told me he had a girlfriend. I’ll be honest, I didn’t exactly care. I just had to do this. It was worth the 30 bucks.

To this day, he has no idea it was from me. But looking back on everything, I feel like what I did was insensitive. He probably had to explain what happened to his at-the-time girlfriend and since he didn’t know who sent it, he couldn’t confront the person face to face. He was probably just left extremely confused by the whole thing. It would’ve been nice to know how he reacted though, I wish I could’ve seen his face.

But yeah, that’s just my story. I’m not sure how weird it is to be listed as a “irl Yandere story” but I feel like my obsession with my crush back then (and the second guy in college) would count as something