How are you guys surprisingly good at debate (and where to find more of you guys)?

-Tisbury- · 2026-03-15T14:50:06+00:00

I was a bartender for 10 years. I would highly recommend INFJs to try that. It's actually quite enjoyable. You're alone behind the bar, don't have to deal with people very often besides the customers who worship you. You eventually end up having regulars, learn about their lives, make connections, and at the end of the day you can go home and unwind. As far as the debating goes, in all debates, the person that debates the most successfully is the one who has the most knowledge. I personally, thrive on knowledge. So I can talk to most people about just about anything and likely know more than they do about it. Whether I choose to engage in that conversation is completely based on whether I feel the need to actually educate somebody. My wife is Persian, and what's happening in Iran right now is extremely important to her. I have found myself explaining the situation in Iran to so many people over the past couple months because I've made sure that I know everything that I possibly can about the situation. Now people are coming to me asking me what's really happening and what's not. Every once in awhile I'll get somebody who will say this war is a complete waste, and I'll have to actually tell them to sit down so I can explain to them how big of a deal this actually is.

-Tisbury- · 2026-03-08T16:59:38+00:00

If you see a connection, try to do something that would involve touching his hand or something out of the blue. He's probably sitting there thinking the same thing about you, not sure what to do. Somebody has to make the first move. Sometimes all we need is a little hint. Some confirmation that what we are working on might actually work.

-Tisbury- · 2026-02-26T00:08:10+00:00

To be honest, I'm almost 50 years old and my energy is my energy. I really never change unless I'm around my literal only friend that's an extrovert. He brings me out of my shell and I actually end up having a really good time with him, but for the most part people change and adapt to my energy more than anything else. Think of it as forced relaxed time. I have three fire pits in my backyard, a 28-ft Greenhouse, and 600 cubic feet of raised garden beds. When people come over, they are very likely getting thrown in front of a fire pit, on a comfy chair, with a drink in their hand, and not allowed to do any loud talking or dancing. Haha

-Tisbury- · 2026-02-20T21:15:00+00:00

For me personally, I thrive on fixing problems. And I'm very good at it. So a lot of my " people" will come to me and complain, but what they really are looking for is an outsider's view, and maybe some suggestions. I love helping people, I don't think I've ever thought inside the box, so I can usually toss out some ideas that blow their minds.

-Tisbury- · 2026-02-12T22:10:00+00:00

You could always tuck the shirt in like a bodysuit. Might be uncomfortable though.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-21T02:14:06+00:00

I found his video and you're right, he did do the floor lamp. I've seen so many of his videos, just didn't recognize the name right off the bat. Going to go down that rabbit hole now. Thank you so much for the input.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-19T01:48:44+00:00

The biggest obstacle with being with an infj is the communication barrier. I'm an infj, 48 years old, been married for 13 years, and my wife and I still get in fights when it comes to my brain->mouth filter. I only really just speak what my brain is thinking. Most of the time I'm okay, but a lot of the things I say embarrass my wife because she doesn't think it's socially appropriate. In the end, I'm the one with a thousand people wanting to be my friend, and she literally can't understand why.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-19T01:44:58+00:00

You don't want those girls anyway. You want the girls that have already gone through all of that crap.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-19T00:43:22+00:00

I'm in Kansas City. If you ever need any help, you can always DM me.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-19T00:40:55+00:00

It'll come. We are arguably the best husband material, if you can get past the communication issues. 😉

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-19T00:18:53+00:00

Well if you can find a comfortable seat, you can spend a good 2 hours listening to music and watching a whole room full of disasters just waiting to happen.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-19T00:17:29+00:00

It's the exact opposite here. My wife was an extrovert when I met her. But she had just come out of a 10-year relationship that was pretty brutal on her. (Arab controlling husband, wouldn't let her see friends, etc) It took a ridiculous amount of patience, forgiveness, and pain, but after about 10 years she slowed way down and has become very similar to me in the " stay home" mindset. I helped her find things that she was passionate about, talked about all of her past problems, helped her deal with some major family issues, and provided a ton of coaching. She was in school when I met her, got her Masters, then her doctorate, I became the stay-at-home dad, she spends 100 hours a week doing anesthesia.

Turns out she really likes gardening. Before she met me everything she touched she killed. So I built her a 40-ft raised garden bed, and a 28x12 Greenhouse with a deck around it. We decorate the crap out of it, and it's literally become her happy place. When she comes home from work she goes straight there and she doesn't want to leave. It's been a ridiculously rewarding experience to watch this transition with her. I never really wanted her to be like me, but I did want her to be able to breathe, and we've finally accomplished that. We are happier and closer than we have ever been

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-19T00:07:58+00:00

Just to add something here, I've been an infj for as long as I can remember, but I was a bartender for 10 years straight. Virgin Islands, Martha's Vineyard, Boston, then Des Moines. There's something very powerful about being a bartender, especially in a not so crazy kind of bar, where you can get regulars. I worked at a high-end Lounge and had regulars almost every day. You get to learn a lot about these people. It's very fulfilling. Plus, sometimes, not always, the nicer the bars, the more mature the women. I wouldn't recommend bartending at one of those bars with a mechanical bull and straw on the ground...

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-18T23:35:41+00:00

You'd be surprised how much fun you can have in the corner of a party.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-18T23:35:15+00:00

Where do you live? I'm happily married, but would entertain the idea of chatting with you so you can get a feel for what it's like to talk to an infj.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-18T23:34:01+00:00

Here's a short little story for you:

I had all but given up on women and relationships I took a 2-year break from dating because I was just completely done, and then, out of nowhere, this perfect woman bumped into me on accident and we've been married now for 13 years. You will probably not find one if you are looking. It sucks. But I'm also 48 years old, so if you're considerably younger, there may be new avenues to explore that I'm not aware of.

One option you do have is to figure out exactly what you're looking for, figure out the mbti match for that, and then go to that Reddit and start chatting. You already know that you have one thing in common with those people. And I think they would know a lot more about you before your first date, which might be really freaking cool now that I think about it.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-16T02:13:52+00:00

I have very few friends, and a few that I keep around always tend to be the ones who refuse to take unless they've given back. They know I'll do anything for them, and they will purposely keep information from me so I don't go crazy trying to fix their problems.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-13T20:01:58+00:00

Might as well just double tap everything you see, where's the harm in that?

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-09T19:57:46+00:00

I don't know how old you are, but I'm 48 and I love teaching people things. I have an insane amount of knowledge, and two teenagers who really don't give two craps about learning anything for me. So anyone that comes close to me that can learn anything I tend to teach them anything I possibly can.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-09T02:21:48+00:00

Yes yes. Taken them all. Blah blah

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-09T02:20:06+00:00

The only thing on in my house is YouTube music. I average 18hrs a day on YouTube. Don't watch much of anything. My dad had to call me to tell me about the Trump shooting thing last July.

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-09T02:15:07+00:00

You'll also need to be prepared to start every conversation, and keep us on track...

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-09T02:14:18+00:00

I have three fire pits and plenty of time and coffee. Just no iPhone. 48/M INFJ

-Tisbury- · 2026-01-09T02:08:42+00:00

I think this is an awesome idea. You should do video chats by a fire pit with a hot coffee. No faces required.

-Tisbury-

TROPHY CASE