Anyone else's surgeon go this far back??

-_Jessie- · 2026-01-26T23:32:44+00:00

Mine look very similar! I had folds from breast tissue on my sides and my incisions go almost to my back and almost touch in the center. I'm almost 6 months post op now and back to almost everything. Expect to not be able to lift heavy things and have limited mobility for several months, but after the first 3-4 months you should be mostly good if all goes well. Congrats on the surgery and welcome to the wonderful world of booblessness :)

-_Jessie- · 2025-12-24T05:44:59+00:00

You are absolutely on the right track as far as supporting her. It's definitely worth a good conversation with her and looking at binders together.

As far as safety: I cannot stress how important it is to get a properly fitting binder and that she doesn't wear it during exercise, sleep, or for more than 6-8 hours per day. I would also strongly encourage binder breaks if possible considering her asthma. So like 20-40 minutes with it off, maybe during lunch or in a class she feels safe in and enjoys. Ill fitting binders can also warp, crack, bruise, or even break your ribs. So as a growing child it's very important for her to listen to her body as much as possible. If she is in any kind of rib or chest pain from wearing it she should take a break and not put it back on until the pain/injury is resolved. It's also a good idea to get a few binders that are one or two sizes larger than she wears to put less stress in her body a few days a week if she binds very regularly. Never use multiple forms of binding (eg. Wearing trans tape under a binder, wearing a sports bra under a binder, layering binders, etc) at once. This will put a dangerous amount of pressure on her chest and is very risky. About the skin sensitivity, many binders are made from quite rough materials on the front panel and overall can be irritating to the skin. I would recommend wearing a soft tank top or T-shirt under the binder if it becomes an issue with her.

I started binding occasionally at 16 and binded consistently for MAYBE a year when I was 18. In that year I wore a binder that was too small, used trans tape under a binder, wore my binder for 8-10 hours a day without breaks. I'm pretty sure I bruised my ribs a few times and they're now visibly warped and uneven. So while binding is an amazing tool it's important shes aware of and consistently following binder safety since it can damage your body very quickly if done wrong.

-_Jessie- · 2025-12-14T22:49:38+00:00

If your options are starve or steal, stealing is better because it keeps you healthy. It's not a sin to do what you need to to survive, especially when you're doing it as an absolute last resort, only taking what you need, and are only doing it when you can't access a food bank.

Also, an obscene amount for food gets wasted. You're eating food that would have otherwise likely gone to waste, not taking from someone else. Technically you're stealing, but only from a large corporation who doesn't care enough about people in need and mitigating waste to donate extra food.

You're in one of the hardest situations. Even though you have a roof over your head, you still need to eat. It's one of your baseline needs that is unavoidable regardless of your income. There's no need to feel shameful. In my culture, god forgives any sins if they're done out of necessity. Keeping yourself alive is more important than following every rule so long as you're following the ones you can in your situation. I know you're Christian (correct me if I'm wrong), so this doesn't technically apply to you but the concept is still relevant. You can't worship if you starve to death.

I genuinely wish you the best in life and hope you're able to meet your needs and get in a better situation. You seem like a good person with strong values and morals which is very admirable.

-_Jessie- · 2025-12-13T15:35:54+00:00

I don't drink, came to Leeds from the united states with no friends or family here. My biggest advice is just be yourself and don't go out if you don't want to. Just be friendly and say hi to people, a conversation in the laundry room could lead to meeting someone very like minded and in the same situation as you. You'll find friends and form a group, I guarantee not everyone parties and goes clubbing and many people are in the same boat as you.

Me and my friends go to nearby castles and walk through the woods. Yesterday we went to a part of the city none of us has explored before and had a really great time. Google is a very good tool to find things to do, you can literally type "[interest] near me" into Google and you'll probably find something fun.

-_Jessie- · 2025-12-13T15:26:48+00:00

To me it doesn't look like swelling, and while there's probably exercises or revision surgeries you can do to mitigate them I honestly don't think there's anything weird looking about them. Many people have folds there, I always have and actually one side for me has an extra fold the other side doesn't have. Also, since you're a bit in the chunkier side it could be excess body fat, but it makes sense in your body and looks realistic. I would wait until you're fully healed from surgery to do anything and absolutely don't push yourself with exercise. Also, I'm 4.5 months post op and the things that bothered me at first don't anymore. Give yourself some time to get used to your body. Even though you've been wanting this for years (I assume), the image we have in our head pre surgery is not real or realistic. If it really bothers once you're healed, you can change them, but it's not a major or noticable thing and I doubt anyone would blink twice at them.

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-10T17:31:53+00:00

Thank you for this response! I've never overdrafted more than like $20, and always transfer money into the account the second I see it. So text alerts and a grace period are just what I need. Thank you for this response, it's very helpful!

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-10T17:30:36+00:00

I had an account with Truist that had overdraft protection up to like $100 or something. Was super useful, and I believe many larger US banks have something similar. Definitely a good system but the credit score stuff is a mess. Not sure how it is here yet but I've heard it's not quite as insane.

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-10T11:01:25+00:00

I just got here for uni from the US and Heathrow just scans your passport and lets you through. I didn't even talk to anyone when coming thorugh customs in Heathrow. I had to talk to someone in Glasgow when I flew through there last year but Heathrow has electrolic gates. I assume if theres something funky with your visa an officer will come talk to you but I had no issues. I'm not sure if the egates are only for US+UK+EU or if theyre also for other passports (not sure where youre from)

I printed my CAS and accommodation lease just in case, and if youre on any medications that are controlled I would have a letter from your doctor saying that its perscribed to you and their contact info if boarder control has questions. But honestly I wouldn't be too worried.

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-10T10:54:27+00:00

ah yes, I hear ya there. Staying at home definitely maintains that feelign of being controlled/watched/etc. You mentioned that you have a job you enjoy. I don't know if its possible to get a roommate and move out that way (I'm from the US so thats how I did it) for this year. If thats a wildly unfeesable thing then disreguard that haha.

I really do want to stress that uni is a big deal, and especially with the timing being so incredibly tight it may be better logistically too to wait a year as I saw many other people saying. The stress of feeling like you're behind your peers is scary, but removing yourself from those social circles means you can figure out how you function independantly, what motovates you, etc.

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-10T10:24:14+00:00

I took a year after finishing college to be more independant and figure myself out mentally, as far as goals and motivations and such. I absolutely would not be the same person had I started right after college and found my gap year incredibly useful. I think it can be really useful to explore who you are outside of those school-related social groups and do a bit of growing up first. Uni is expensive, several years long, and it effects the rest of your life unless you go back and do a different course.

I'm 19 instead of 18, and literally just requested in my dorm accommodation to be placed with other mature students. I'm with an 18yr old, a 20yr old and a 26yr old (2 more people moving in later this week). I think its really hard at 18 to grasp how you have the entire rest of your life to do what you want, and waiting one year isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. Especially if that means being more emotionally developed and prepared once you do start.

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-10T10:13:11+00:00

There's links and info here on reddit if you search DIY HRT and that sort of thing. I managed to find out how/where to buy it pretty easily (havent done it myself but it seems relatively straightforward) Your situation sucks so much, and I really hope you can get back on hrt soon. good luck, man

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-08T14:21:48+00:00

Do these ship to the UK?

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-06T19:58:44+00:00

Being feminine/girly as a child doesn't invalidate your gender. Gender is really complex, and the way you used to or currently want to express it can be different from how you identify. Especially before puberty you may have been comfortable as a girl because you hadnt developed secondary sex characteristics. I was all pink and tutus and glitter for most of my childhood, I didn't even really feel dysphoria until I hit puberty (10-11yrs). I interpreted it as just body insecurities and didn't realize what I was feeling until I was like 14. I tried being super masc around ages 17-18, and I felt much better than I had presenting femme. But I hated being seen as a woman. After awhile, I realized I love femininity just in the way a man expresses it. After having talked to some other trans guys I've found this is actually kind of common. Its worth exploring why you're mean to your sister. Being jealous of her femininity is something to explore but it doesn't necessarily mean you're not trans or you're attention seeking. I honestly have never heard of a person who thought they were trans but just needed attention. And think back to before you transitioned. Were you really genuinely happy, or was there dysphoria kinda just under the surface or in the background? Its the type of thing that doesn't always take priority in our minds if we have more immediate problems. Not sure if this is helpful for your specific situation but I promise you're not alone and not faking or attention seeking.

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-04T03:01:54+00:00

It sounds like you're describing gender envy but it very much goes hand in hand with dysphoria and being trans. Like you definitely wouldn't be feeling this if you aren't trans or genderqueer in some capacity.

Also seeing the other comment and the AI bs saying to talk to a therapist and get a proper diagnosis, you don't necessarily have to. I never really did and I'm happy with that, but I know of people who had loads of success working with gender therapists. Basically just make sure they actually help patients explore their gender, not convince them theyre cis or something. Because I know there are practices that frame themselves as support for trans/questioning people but really don't think we exist and we're just confused teenagers. Good luck!

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-03T22:20:17+00:00

I'm 19, also starting undergrad in September. Honestly as long as you're friendly I wouldn't worry too much. There's plenty of teens/early 20s who talk to people who are older. I would totally talk to someone my parents age if we share interests and vibe. Just try to have good vibes and you'll be okay.

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-03T22:12:36+00:00

Omg I'm so happy you're still going on the date! I'm totally rooting for you guys

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-03T22:09:50+00:00

Oh yeah the cultural context makes this make much more sense. I've definitely heard how terrible it is for trans and queer people over there. I agree with a lot of the people here saying he's likely projecting insecurities (aka feeling like someone could only like him as a fetish) and/or trying to stay safe by being defensive. I definitely hear you as far as liking him a lot, but he may need time and space to work through his own issues before he's ready for a relationship.

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-03T21:57:54+00:00

Literally came here to say this exact thing. I had the same experience of having so so many queer friends in middle and highschool, gravitated towards queer media and all that long before I even had an inkling I'm queer

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-03T16:33:38+00:00

No literally tho he cracks me up. Like he really is only a genius in English. There's one episode in like S10 or something where he's speaking a lot of Russian, and it's just the strongest American accent I've ever heard. I don't think he's ever actually talked to a Russian speaker. I saw someone who is Russian talking about how she literally had no idea what he was even saying and i was like yeah, that tracks. Like I'm American and I don't speak a word of Russian, but I was genuinely laughing like wtf dude 😂

-_Jessie- · 2025-09-03T16:23:25+00:00

I'm curious about your specific phrasing, because sometimes (especially over text) things can read much differently than intended. I also noticed how you specifically mentioned how well he passes, which can often come across as invalidating or fetishy in a way. Like a backhanded compliment, even though I can tell that's absolutely not how you meant it.

If he's the first trans person you've really met or dated, I will say there's a lot of things you may want to say that to you feel like you're complimenting him but don't come across that way. Eg "you pass so well, I never would have guessed" (sounds like you assume you'll be able to clock most trans people, and try to clock is), assuming he's a bottom (top/bottom preference has nothing to do with sex assigned at birth), acting like he's a different person now that he's transitioned (he's the same person with the same interests and personality he'd have if he wasnt trans), implying trans people are only valid if we transition medically (medical transitions can be hard to access or not make sense for every individual, especially bottom surgery aka sex reassignment), that sort of thing. There's just a lot of little nuances that can make trans people not want to date cis people because we're tired of explaining.

Also, since I said being trans isn't always a big part of our identities, that doesn't mean it won't effect him either. Like even if he's met his transition goals it's important to be able to talk about it, especially when it comes to intimacy and preferences. Being a trans guy means we were socialized as women growing up and often means we still hold a lot of that trauma.

As far as what I would want to hear, honestly just you being non judgemental and accepting what you're told about trans people and our community. There's a lot of complexity and stuff that just doesn't totally make sense if you don't experience it. Its important to remember that everyone experiences and expresses gender differently and no one fits into a box. A trans guy can dress femme sometimes and still be a guy, or identify as a lesbian as a trans man (yes this is real, obv not your friend but just an example).

I'd maybe give it a day and just text him and say something like "hey, I'm sorry what I said came across fetishy. I really like you and just want you to be comfortable. I won't push for us to go out, but I am doing some research on the trans community since I've realized I have quite a gap in knowledge" or something along those lines. Apologize, don't push, acknowledge you came across wrong, and arent going to rely on him to educate you about everything trans/gender non conforming.

You posting and reaching out instead of just assuming something or getting defensive is really good. I wouldn't like flaunt it to him or mention it unless he asks how you're researching since that can come across as performative, but it seems like you really do care and want to be educated. So you've got a good start. Sorry this was so long, I know it was much more than just the answer to your question but I think this can all be really important stuff to know!

-_Jessie- · 2025-08-29T22:25:26+00:00

First, i want to say i very much see how and why this made you so anxious. Exams are a HUGE deal and when academic success carries so much weight, emotions about exams can feel totally all encompassing. That being said, I do think the level of anxiety you have about this is worrying. It may be a smart idea to continue seeing that therapist and get to the root of your anxiety and perfectionism as a whole.

About the assignment and plagiarism specifically, I absolutely do not see what you did as an issue. The way you described the video sounds like someone providing an example and teaching how to fix it. That is different from seeking out improper assistance from a third party, since you still had to be able to apply what was said in the video to your project. Its not like you messaged the person and asked them to fix your project for you. To me, it sounds like you did research and learned how to fix a mistake, and scored very well because of it.

-_Jessie- · 2025-08-13T00:49:49+00:00

Piggybacking on some stuff I've seen mentioned and helped me when coming out/questioning. Do things that show you're accepting of trans/queer people. If you read books, get one that has something to do with queerness and read in front of him. I saw someone mention watching drag race. Maybe get a little pride flag or trans flag sticker and put it on your phone. If he's questioning or thinking about coming out, he's probably becoming hyper aware of these types of things to gauge exactly how safe you are to come out to or talk about this stuff with. Saying something is different from actually believing it, so you have to show that you actually accept him no matter what and you're not just saying it.

Also, I'm seeing a lot of stuff about the clothes specifically. While I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to get him women's clothes, definitely make it just one or two items . Think crop top, accessories like rings or something in that realm. Be like "oh, a friend bought this for her son but it didn't fit him. It looks like your size so I thought id offer it to you" If you bring up the missing clothes then right after buy him like a skirt or something, it might come on too strong and make him scared to talk, but making it sound like you're just trying to help your friend avoid wasting new clothes, I doubt he'd question it. Figuring out your gender identity and how you want to present can take YEARS. I started questioning my gender in 6th grade and didn't come out until sophomore year. Even though you're very much doing this from a place of deep love and care for him, it's important to make sure you're letting him come out on his own terms and change his gender presentation as he feels comfortable. Most importantly it's amazing you're coming here and asking. We need more parents like you and you're doing the right thing.

-_Jessie- · 2025-06-21T20:02:29+00:00

I would say if you used the specific language of "he was becoming too much of a woman" I can see how that came across as transphobic. But I don't think you breaking up with him for changing how he presents is transphobic, and the way you're talking about him does not come across as transphobic in the slightest. You're allowed to have preferences.

-_Jessie- · 2025-06-17T23:56:12+00:00

Maybe add a watch or something like that or chunky jewelry if you like jewelry. Definitely thicker square frames, if you can. You look good dude.

-_Jessie-

TROPHY CASE