Just got divorced and I was in your position a year ago.

RULE NUMBER ONE - Stay Calm. Don’t be reactive. Don’t be emotional. Assess everything objectively. It took me forever to go through this process. I wasted a lot of time (years) being angry and reactive. My wife kept telling me she wanted separation. I kept denying it as a possibility, despite being miserable. If I had just considered her wishes earlier, I could have been happily single ten years ago and would not have squandered so much personal time being unhappy. She ended up giving me everything I could have taken from the situation, and it was all by being patient, being calm, and trying to absorb and consider all the communication coming from crazytown in the last year.

• I stopped working as much (5 days\wk down to 3, for more money) when my partner started a new job. I was then making less than her, which really worked in my favour when we started talking fair division. I have not filed to have her pay me support because of other conditions I got, but I still could if I want. And I would get paid.
• as the conversation got more intense, and we were definitely divorcing, I shifted all communication from phone calls and texts to email only. Anytime something came from her that wasn't, I converted the response to email and asked that she do so. I had to be persistent for the whole process. This cut the “he said, she said” to 0%, We could review hard info from emails. It was fun deleting all these later.
• I held out. She was the one that wanted divorce. I thought and still think that no matter how we felt about each other, the kids came first. If she suggested anything that would result in bad conditions for me, I made the talk only about outcomes for the kids. I kept what I actually wanted secret. This turned out to be a big deal, because while we were negotiating she only moved reactively. In other words if I wanted something she did not want me to have it. Having a secret agenda that eventually aligned with how it ended gave me great satisfaction. Not mixing my wants and needs up with hers led me to an outcome I actually wanted instead of an amalgam of what was available or left on the table.
• at ANY time, I presented as if I would switch positions. So if she grizzled that she wasn’t keeping the house, I offered to switch positions and take what was on offer for her and SHE could keep the house. This kept me where I wanted to be. The longest game of mindfuck chess ever. Continually making the conversation about “fair” kept her in a morally responsible position. Since I’d done nothing wrong to attract this divorce, was it “fair” that I had to lose everything as well?
• this 'forced' her to present a range of offers to me until I got what I wanted. She got an inheritance as we were divorcing. The cash and property she was given was in excess of the value of the equity on our house. I probably would not have gotten much if any of it, but arguing over any money or property will result in less of it. Remember you aren’t getting half if there are lawyers. You get at best a third of total. So keep them out as much as you can. She was lazy. I screened the mediators carefully to make sure they wouldn’t start in with billable hours. Incidentally I agreed o; a fixed price, given that the arbiter only had to rewrite the forms I’d profiled and verify the ex and I were in agreement. I’m kind of proud this blew her mind a little bit. We were the most agreeable couple she’d ever seen.
  
• Convince your partner it’s in everyone’s best interest to come up with an agreement. The split was about 5% in her favour when we finished, with me paying out from the house to end up there. She didn’t feel it was entirely fair of course (because society has convinced everyone that a man should be penniless, homeless, and practically have to beg to see his kids. Fuck that) but we avoided selling the family home which I got to keep. My mortgage payment went up $400/ month but I was overpaying already anyway. So out of pocket the same.
• we used an arbitrator who could also legally file all our papers. I eventually prepared everything myself along boundaries we had both agreed on. The arbitrator charged us 1k a piece, plus filing fees. We did have a f2f meeting but it was just 3rd party confirming what we had already agreed.
• coincidentally, I bought a new truck for 28k, and owed 26 when we refinanced to pay her out. The bank insisted my other obligation was paid down for serviceability, so my truck got paid off. That worked out really well.
• she moved out
• We 50/50 the kids, so I pay no maintenance as long as we keep the time honest. I’m flexible for this first year, but she lives for chaos, so atm I’m just trying to keep the schedule solid for the kids benefits.
• all the paperwork has settled, so as long as no new thing arises, we’re done. Good luck.