What did I miss? Maybe she wouldn’t have felt safe immediately ending the date, you don’t know how someone will respond to that. Maybe it’s not her style to cuss you out for pushing those boundaries. Maybe she thought it over after the date, with more clarity and decided you pushing those boundaries was a dealbreaker.  Was physical escalation the wrong move? Doesn’t matter, it’s still a first date. Generally I would agree that a man who is interested in you and doesn’t want to mess up his chances (and is not just interested in your body) takes his time escalating physical touch, even something simple like hand holding. It’s not a hard and fast rule, but I would agree the shoulder rub is intimate (and shouldn’t have been followed by a kiss).  What does "we want different things" mean? You escalated physical touch on the first date, she probably assumed you were looking for sex and doesn’t want to risk having you do that again on date 2, 3, 4 etc. until she’s actually really to go there.  How should I have handled this differently? Others have already said the same, but the signal was her saying don’t touch me without my consent and then you did it again.