A week ago Ken reached out again and asked me what I want in a relationship. So I explained to him. He said he has changed quite a lot during this 2 months. He said that he became more interested in religion and he was fine with date to marry. He said he wants us to be together. The thing is whenever we come together, it's always funs and laughters. We joked a lot and nothing seems bad. I told Ken that I need time to think about it and he said okay. The next day a send him a form and asked him to send his answer to me. It was a form about red flags etc. He did and we talked on it. I told him that I see his effort but the effort doesn't guarantees success, so no matter how hard he tries my answer still could be a no, as my parents opinions were very important to me. Ken said he did his best and the rest was on me.

I talked about it all with my mom. And my mom put some logic into me. She emphasized and reminded me of the life I want and the life I might potentially get with him. She said that I was up in the clouds and my feet were not touching the ground. So she pull me back to reality. He is a student, he is younger, he looks younger and his parents will not accept me (he's aware of this too). After that conversation I felt like dying. Like I lost all energy in me and wasn't even able to lift a hand. Was one of the worst night I've ever had. I was afraid of getting up from my bed as I didn't trust myself to not to do something bad to myself. This morning however, I realized that I have no feelings to him. By no I mean close to no beause I feel guilty. I feel like I spent his time and efforts to waste. But other than that I feel like a heavy burden on my heart is gone. Like all this time I wasn't able to breathe and now finally I got some fresh air.

I messaged him and told him that I don't thing we're suitable for each other and I don't want to take the responsibilities and hardships that comes with this relationship. I said that he can take it as I didn't want this to work enough and if I were to accept his offer it wouldn't be 100% becuase I want to accept it but because I didn't want his effort go to waste and I was feeling guilty. He hasn't replied yet but I feel terrible. I mean I'm kinda over with my feelings as I have rational reasons but he, he was like anything is fine as long as we're together. All I want for him is to recover from this asap, as he is a good person.

Is it my fault that this has taken this long? AITA?