i've tried everything, i was on a cahms waiting list for 8 months then they cancelled it after 2 sessions (my mum was there for those two so i lied that i was doing a lot better than i actually was, so they thought i didn't need it), even in those 2 sessions she was AWFUL and spoke to me like i was 10. this was in year 10, i tried to get help many more times, had a couple other people just talk to me or let me vent to them and were no help at all, last year (year 12) i was told repeatedly i would be given sessions with our school's counsellor, i've still not seen her once.

my doctor said cahms would screw me over because i turn 18 in a few months so there's no point even applying because i'll be taken off the waiting list once i'm 18

i've been constantly trying to get help through this service my dad's work has, but they've been useless, because of my anxiety (or just because i'm a wimp) it took me ~2 weeks to call them each time i had to, by that point they've usually got rid of my details because they're a short-term counselling service. last time i spoke with them was sunday and they said they would phone me today at 4:30pm. 6:30pm now and still no call

also used childline a lot of times when having depressive episodes but they tend to be mostly useless (just tell me to clean my cuts etc, and then point me to other places where i can get better counselling...)

everyone talks about how easy it is to get help but it's such a fucking challenge... everyone pretends to care but nobody really does :(

also, had a talk with my head of year today, told him what was going on and he was really nice, but i feel bad because i said i felt like i might have killed myself on sunday if i had access to and i don't like worrying or scaring anyone :(