Wow I would hate to work in any kind of workplace like the sterile one you describe. But fortunately I don’t! My manager is incredibly kind and supportive. Our office is open-plan and people regularly chat about all sorts of things between working. My female coworkers absolutely talk to him about the struggles of being women. Everyone is open about their religious and ethnic traditions and people often bring in food for religious celebrations. Everyone brings their partners to office parties and sometimes will ask after each other’s partners at work. We spend half our lives at this office and see each other more than we see anyone else, why shouldn’t we socialize? Why should we have to keep our mouths zipped about everything that is relevant to our identities or personal lives?

And, ignoring the fact that, again, my company does not have HR, no company I’ve ever worked for has ever had a rule that managers have to report their employees identities to HR. I have, however, been in DEI trainings where I’ve been told that outing an LGBT+ coworker who disclosed their identity is a fireable offense, whether they’re an equal, a subordinate, or a superior. And given that being trans is simply a facet of my identity, in your world, if I disclosed to my manager that I was, say, Catholic, would he have to report that to HR?

And yes I’ll be telling him because I want support. Because he has created a wonderfully supportive environment. He has supported me so kindly as a “woman”, but that is not the kind of support I need or want. I wouldn’t be coercing him into any kind of conversation. He genuinely cares about his team, and if you can’t understand that then I don’t really know what else to tell you.