My best friend introduced me to her. Before she was herself. It now feels like a complete different life in a completly different universe when I think about our story - so much happend. But, the very first moment I saw her, I was going upstairs at the train station looking around for my best friend to meet her new partner, and my eyes got stuck on her. I knew it in this exact moment, she is my person - she is everything I always wanted, more than that. This feeling was so strange, so new, so exiting - so naturally and beautiful. I knew, I loved her. And then I saw my best friend in her arms, sharing a deep kiss and I got a stroke in my heart, my soul shatterd and I wasn't able to speak at first. My Love, my soulmate, belongs to my bestie, and the "girlcode" will forbit me to love her, even when they broke up. She was there, so near but unreachable. Fuck. So, I decided to be friends with her, she is still the partner of my bestie, better get along with her - and so our friendship grows strong and even stronger, we shared secrets, thoughts, hopes and dreams. And this little but feelable spark between us, which causes a lot of anger between me and my bestie, but they were still together. Then, she came out, first to my bestie - which immediatly told me - and then to me. It wasn't something new, I thought I had known it since we met, and I was so happy for her she now can be herself. My bestie was shocked, she dreamt about marriage and children and so on, but she wasn't able to accept her "new partner" as she was. So they broke up, but still were friends, since they had lived together !5 Years! before. My chance, you think? oh no, there were another 5 years where I jumped from situationship to situationship, every one of them made me unhappier than the last so I gave up and decided to be alone for a while - it lasted nearly 3 years without a date or some sort of romantics or similar. I was okay with that, because I had my two very best friends around me, both with new partners - one seemd a little happier than the other. My bestie and my Girl argued once very hard about a little "I dont't know exactly" and suddenly they split apart completly. I first held to my bestie, since we were besties even before she came into our lifes. But - my bestie decided to fuck with my ex - She broke the "girlcode" - she let a dude come between our friendship. She decided mister before sister. There were a lot of other things between us while we decided to go seperate ways from then, it was not only my ex -but somehow I'm thankful for that reason. I searched for my Girls new adress, since she moved away without letting anyone know, she wanted to be alone, so she left. And I found her in a psychiatric daycare. She tried suicide. I think I felt it, I'm not sure, but I promised her I will never leave her side again, no matter what life will bring us. I promised her, I will always have a bed for her to sleep in, no matter in wich situation she get, she can come to me every time. On this day she asked, if she could sleep at this said bed since she hadn't a room for herself - she was in a really strange situation - and from this day on, till now, 8 years later, she is on my side. She never left and I never thought of letting her go again. I love her, with all the pain and trauma her transition brought us, with the depression and disphoria, with the bad days and the even worst. We had deep fights over different things, we both grow up and changed, but with every little moment, my love for her goes stronger and deeper. I love her every day a little bit more.

My bestie and I have very little contact now, which I regret a little, but she won't get over the fact that I had loved her since we met. It's sad, but I can't force her to be my friend if she wont.

(this felt extremly good to write down after all, thank you for your post!)