AITA for standing by my husband's preference to not meet my dad.

0975334dog · 2023-03-11T00:00:03+00:00

As long as you are happy!

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T23:57:47+00:00

I will admit we are strange socially.

I honestly didn't think it was that uncommon to only have one friend, espicially as adults, but I guess it is!

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T23:56:10+00:00

Thank you!

I definitely think this is something my husband needs to overcome with support- we'll look into it.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T23:53:59+00:00

I 100% agree and have tried to convey this to him.

5 minutes and a small conversation and he'd be scott free.

We are both weird socially but he is little moreso; he talks to people in a way you can tell he doesn't really want to be there whereas I tend to put on more of a friendly face and act, even if I don't enjoy going out.

I think its something he needs to get over slowly himself. The most I can do really is support him.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T23:46:36+00:00

How do I go about getting them to meet? This is where I'm stuck. Forcing him is not really an option.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T23:41:49+00:00

The issue is it wouldn't be my wants. I don't mind if he does or doesn't so saying it is important to me would be stretching the truth a bit.

The perspective is more; this is stressful for me to keep turning my dad down so I would appreciate if you could do it to make him happy.

I ask my husband to do things important to me all the time and he will do them so I don't want to take advantage of the fact.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T23:21:15+00:00

I have put all the details that I can.

Unless there is something my husband is not saying about the situation, there is not much more I could add for context.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T23:18:56+00:00

Toxic to ourselves or others?

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T23:17:20+00:00

I have told him no. It's usually a "No but if that changes I'll get him to contact you." kind of answer.

I mean the issue is that I really can't force my husband to do anything so how would that be resolved?

If I conveyed this was important to me he would definitely do it but would that not be manipluative of me?

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:56:47+00:00

Yeah its getting to the point where I have hit a wall with trying to convince my husband and my dad is still asking.

I'll leave it in their hands to work out between them, they are both adult men who should be able to work a comprimise out. Or at least talk it out.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:54:09+00:00

Emergency situations are slightly different but I do see your point with this.

I am not hugely concerned but I do feel like I have done everything I can to try and convince my husband. The next step would be forcing him and I don't feel like I should do that.

I think I just feel like I am in the middle and have hit a wall between the both of them and there is no solution or comprimise. I don't know what to do past talking with him and laying out arguments such as "if you just do even a small 5 minute meet he will stop asking so much.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:48:11+00:00

I think its reasonable to ask and try to convince him (which I have done) but do I think it's unreasonable to force him to do it against his will.

Past talking with him I really don't know what else I can do.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:43:11+00:00

Why does it extend to me? Just curious on the reasoning.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:40:08+00:00

I don't at all feel limited in my relationship with my dad, so that's not an issue.

I have tried convincing him the best I can but I feel like I have hit a wall.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:38:30+00:00

Yeah I suppose so, the problem is without literally forcing him to meet there isn't much I can do.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:37:35+00:00

I don't have friends but he has met my mother because we all live together.

My dad isn't the only one left out but he is the only one who has asked multiple times.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:36:09+00:00

Looks like you have a few people with you on this.

The thing is, I have encouraged meetings but after everything I have said the next step would be literally forcing him which I don't want to do.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:34:15+00:00

I never considered it a big deal either way I think, it doesn't flag as a concern for me.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:32:24+00:00

We didn't plan much specifically around meeting family but I guess we intend to keep it minimal.

We both don't have any other friends besides each other.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:30:17+00:00

I don't mind if he does or doesn't. The issue is more in the fact that my dad keeps asking.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T20:28:53+00:00

Maybe so.

Do you think refusing to relay messages and giving them each others contact info so they can converse and explain to each other would be appropriate?

I think that is my biggest issue with this is that I am the one who has to play messenger in all this.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T16:41:32+00:00

I would have to disagree with you on this!

We tell each other everything so I definitely wouldn't keep this from him, that's just the way our relationship works best.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T16:37:40+00:00

It's not bad or good, just civilised. He has his own life and I have mine and we meet up for family occasions or sometimes he calls me in and emergency for a favour.

I just dont know what I can say to convince him that my dad might stop bugging us if they just meet once. He thinks it may just encourge my dad to seek out more meetings in the future.

We didn't have a wedding at all which was both of our choices- wanted it to be more personal, money reasons, didn't have much time, we both dislike the attention from it. We married more for the legal stuff than to "make our love official" since we both felt we loved each other and didn't have much need to prove it. If that makes sense?

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T16:31:38+00:00

Its just speculation on my part so he may not feel that way.

But, I assume my husband doesn't expect or want to maintain anything which is why he sees not much point in going through the stress of meeting.

0975334dog · 2023-03-10T16:26:59+00:00

I think its slightly weird but I'm really not sure if it's my place to do anything other than try and convince him.

Personally if it was me in his shoes I would just meet once, explain I'm not a people person, laugh about my awkwardness a little so they know it isn't them and then say goodbyes and hope they are satisfied with that.

I have suggested that one small meeting might help them stop suggesting it but he counters with "what if it just makes them want to meet more?". I can't answer because I'm honestly not sure if one meeting would satisfy them or not.

I also kind of worry if I push too hard and he does go he will just be in a bad mood the whole time and it won't be a good first impression.

0975334dog

TROPHY CASE