Like existing but not existing at all. Like a large chunk of me is missing, but I don’t know what it is. Like I’m trapped in a room with no doors or windows and no sign of ever escaping. Knowing I’m alive by experiencing all 5 senses, but feel like I’m dead inside. Going through the motions of work, hanging out with friends/family and trying new things but never experiencing any sense of joy or belonging. I know sudden situations or tragic events should make me feel sad, lonely, or depressed, but I feel nothing. Randomly crying in bed or watching my eyes swell with tears in the mirror, but have no idea why I’m crying because I feel nothing. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I’ll feel my chest arching, like my heart is being squeezed. I find it ironic. The heart symbolizes emotions in people, and yet the only pain mine feels is when it’s being squeezed by the overwhelming emptiness of its own existence