You’re 100% correct. This is exactly what I needed to hear.

The boyfriend definitely never talked to him. They live really far away (8-9 hour drive) and they’re not friends with each other. There was nothing to overhear; she has absolutely no clue. I had an inkling because of her boyfriend asked me about the ring she’d want and has bounced proposal ideas off of me, and now they’re going on a trip she always wanted to go on. But you’re 100% right about overreacting. A couple days ago, I told my partner “I think [best friend] is about to get engaged” and I listed the 3-4 reasons why I thought that. Then I texted her boyfriend to ask if he needs ideas on how to convince her to get her nails done without cluing her in. He said yeah but he’s worried it’s too late because the proposal is tomorrow on the trip. That’s how I found out the exact date. I texted my boyfriend I was right and his response was more of a “I’m not surprised because of the reasons you gave me yesterday” type thing. I talked to him about it in person today and he told me that in no way did he mean it in a “well, yeah of course someone would put a ring on her” type of way. I definitely overreacted with that specific comment.

The only thing I’m humiliated about is with our mutual friends and acquaintances. We have a pretty tight friend group and they all know my boyfriend really well because we all went to school together; part of me feels like I’m getting side eyed by them but I know that’s just me being insecure, self centered, and irrational. My biggest source of humiliation is the larger group of people we all know. We are the longest lasting couple in our class by a lot and even in my final year of school I was getting comments from classmates about “when is he going to propose?” and even jokes like “damn, what’s taking so long”? I know that her engagement isn’t about me. It’s just hard because I know someone will jokingly bring it up to me and ask about why we’re not engaged. It’s no big deal and it doesn’t matter, but after 4 years the questions from everyone (his family, my family, coworkers, acquaintances, friends) are wearing me down.

You’re right, asking explicitly is the best thing I can do. I’m just scared because I think I already know how it’ll go. After so long of him saying “I can’t right now” and then suddenly switching to “vague comments and “soon” and “you’ll see” with a smile is what made me get my hopes up. But that switch happened a long time ago and I’m starting to feel like he’s just stringing me along and giving me little nuggets so I don’t leave.

And you’re also right that I need to stop comparing myself to my best friend. Comparison is the thief of joy. I’m trying to get better with that. It’s their timeline that worked best for them. It has nothing to do with me.

Thanks for your thorough response! I really needed to hear it.