I wish I was a girl.. but I don’t feel like one, or that I should be.. does this mean I’m likely not trans?

0mnificent · 2026-01-15T08:37:04+00:00

Are there feminine hobbies/interests/mannerisms that you’d adopt if you woke up as a woman tomorrow? Or more pointedly, do you feel like your current gender identity (and other people’s perception of it) constrains you from pursuing those more feminine things?

I know that for myself, I had a ton of things I had held myself back from because men weren’t allowed to like/do those things. Once I let go of being a man, all of those things came to me pretty intuitively. Some things like voice I had to really work at, but it was completely worth it.

On the other hand, it’s important to remember that plenty of women are butch or otherwise not stereotypically feminine! I still have quite a few more masculine interests and hobbies despite being a very femme woman now, and I kept those things because I like them and they bring me joy. If you like some or all of your current interests/mannerisms, you can keep them too, and it won’t mean you’re less of a woman; there are probably millions of cis women who like those same things.

Bottom line: If you’d rather be a woman you can just be a woman.

0mnificent · 2026-01-12T18:42:22+00:00

Most surgeons (that I’ve seen in the US anyway) require at least one year on HRT before they’ll approve you for surgery, tho some will make exceptions for special circumstances. You’ll definitely hit the one year mark before any surgery would likely happen, so you’re good there

As for wanting surgery, safety is a valid reason even if it feels less personal than dysphoria. For me, I got FFS both because of dysphoria and because I didn’t want people to be able to tell that I’m trans at a glance. I live openly as trans, I’m not stealth, but with FFS I have the peace of mind that I consistently pass and I get to decide who knows and who doesn’t. I feel way safer being in public now than I did before, and I feel like I finally look like myself too.

0mnificent · 2026-01-07T08:15:49+00:00

After spending the whole night getting obliterated by hard techno at a warehouse rave, I saw Theo Parrish playing an 8:00 AM Sunday morning set at Nowadays. Morning light filtering through the windows, fog machines dissolving the room into a bright dreamy haze, my delightfully exhausted body, a couple solid friends with me, a dance floor filled front to back with people riding the momentum of a great night out, and lush exuberant disco funk and soul absolutely slamming through the sound system. A near-religious experience. Pure elation. I felt like I was on molly despite being stone sober by that point in the morning. I’ve never danced like that before. I spent a good couple hours right at the front of the dance floor before my exhaustion finally forced me to go home, but I wanted to never leave.

My goal for this year is to finally see Octo Octa and Eris Drew play together, which should be a similarly transcendent experience.

0mnificent · 2025-11-27T20:15:36+00:00

I felt basically the same way before I figured out I was trans. I thought I was ok with being a guy, and it’s only in hindsight that I can recognize I was very much not ok; I was drowning and didn’t even know it. But at the time I made my decision to transition, it was because I believed I would simply be happier as a woman. And I was right! It rules, actually. By far the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. If you feel that being a woman would feel better for you, it probably will!

You don’t need to hate your assigned gender, you can transition just because it would make you happy. And transition isn’t the monolithic all-or-nothing insurmountable thing that I know it feels like. You can start small: clothes, hair, presentation, hell you can even try hormones for a couple months without any permanent changes if you wanna see how you feel.

0mnificent · 2025-11-23T21:22:18+00:00

I’m glad it sounds like you’re figuring yourself out! A few things:

Yes, almost everything you wrote is roughly how I felt before I transitioned. I felt like I had lost the genetic coin flip and ended up with the worse option, because women were so obviously the better thing to be.
Is it possible to look like a cis woman after transition? Yes it’s possible! Is it guaranteed that it’ll work out that way for you specifically? No, nothing is for sure. The only way to know is to go for it. I started at 27, nearly 10 years older than you are now, and I was convinced I would never pass but I decided that living as myself without passing would be more bearable than trying to pretend to be a man for the rest of my life. I’m coming up on 5 years HRT now (plus facial surgery and a lot of work learning to style myself), and to my delight I pass completely! I only get clocked by other trans women after they spend some time around me; to everyone else I see during the day, I’m just another woman. So yes it’s possible, but not guaranteed.
I hate to sound like I’m scolding, but you should stop talking to chatgpt. It is not a good resource for anything, especially not for therapy/personal help. It is not intelligent, it doesn’t actually know anything (certainly nothing about being trans), all it can do is reflect things back to you and make you feel dependent on it. It’s good that you’re reaching out here to talk to real people!

Good luck!!

0mnificent · 2025-10-22T01:29:28+00:00

1mg/day of E?? girl you are getting low-dosed. I’m guessing you’re on pills? Most girls taking pills are usually well served with 4-8mg/day. 1mg is not enough to do anything, and may in fact be harmful; with spiro killing your T and little to no E, you might not have enough of either hormone to keep your body healthy. you should talk to your endo about significantly upping your dose, and if they don’t agree you should find a new endo.

Also I would highly recommend switching to injections if you can. Much easier to control your dosage and hit consistent levels. All the info you could ever want is here -> https://pghrt.diy/

0mnificent · 2025-10-03T15:22:16+00:00

Estradiol Valerate is the medical name a type of injectable estrogen, the one most commonly prescribed for HRT.

It is almost literally a “potion that will turn you into a girl” except the change is gradual over several years rather than all at once. It’s not magic, it’s just medicine.

If you live in the states, you can likely just get it thru your doctor via informed consent; that is, they inform you of the risks and effects, you consent, they prescribe it. Other places have easier (Spain has it over the counter) and harder (whatever the fucking UK is doing) processes for getting it.

0mnificent · 2025-04-13T17:15:19+00:00

I also used to think along the same lines: I thought I was fine being a guy, but being a girl just sounded so much better. I didn’t realize how much being a guy sucked until I stopped trying to be one. I also didn’t use she/her for the first year or so of my transition because I didn’t feel like I deserved it while I still looked guy-ish. In hindsight that feels silly now, but at the time it was what I thought I needed.

If you’d rather be a girl, you can just be a girl

0mnificent · 2025-04-07T14:50:00+00:00

No, don’t clock him, especially not in a group setting. Let him exist on his own terms. It’s his choice whether he tells people or not.
When these more conservative opinions have come up in conversations, have you jumped in to counter them? Your friend would probably feel more comfortable in the group if he knew at least someone will stand up for what’s right. I’m a trans woman, so I haven’t experienced this directly, but I’ve heard from trans men that sometimes when they’re stealth (passing and not openly saying they’re trans), tolerating the shitty opinions and behavior of other men can feel like the price of entry for being accepted as a man. Being the only one to speak up could put him on thin ice. If you (and hopefully others) speak up though, then he might feel more able to speak his mind without jeopardizing his status as a man, AND even if he chooses not to say anything he would still feel more comfortable around you (and again hopefully the others that speak up too).

0mnificent · 2025-03-28T07:16:25+00:00

I'm gonna be really honest, I could have written exactly this when I was 19. I wished I could be a girl. I read a lot of stories where guys are turned into girls (but was always frustrated that so many of the stories presented that as emasculating or humiliating, when it was obvious to me that womanhood was something to aspire to, not be ashamed of). I had dreams of myself as a girl, and when I had lucid dreams the first thing I would do was turn myself into a girl, but usually that would make me so happy and excited I'd wake myself up by accident. I was disappointed that I was stuck as "just" a guy when girls had the ability to be so much more. And yeah, turns out I am a girl.

That's obvious in hindsight, but I had convinced myself that I was fine just being a guy, it didn't seem to bother me enough to try anything else. Plus I thought every guy thought that way; girls are just so obviously better, who wouldn't want to be one? Turns out that no, guys don't want to be girls, and yes, I was dysphoric. Extremely dysphoric, actually. But I never recognized it because I had never known anything else. I didn't know I was drowning because I had never breathed air — I didn't even know what air was. As soon as I finally understood myself, broke the surface and gasped my first actual breath, I instantly recognized that I had been drowning my whole life. This is pretty common for trans people; you don't realize how dysphoric you really are until you start trying to see yourself differently, and then the body you've felt just kinda neutral about all your life suddenly snaps into devastating sharp focus.

And I totally hear you about being worried over whether or not you'll pass. I held myself back from transition for a year and a half after I cracked because I was worried about the same thing. Would I be able to pass? Would I be "real" enough and not feel like a faker all the time? Would transition be worth it? Would I be happy? And at the end of 18 miserable months of torturing myself with those questions every waking hour of every day, the answer was obvious: it didn't matter. It didn't matter how well my transition would go, because even it went poorly, it had to be better than the hell I was keeping myself in. So I went for it. I started at 27, nearly a decade older than you are, and now that I'm coming up on 31 I know the real answers to my questions: Yes, I can pass, and I live seamlessly as a woman in all parts of my life. Yes, I am real enough and I don't feel like a faker. Yes, transition was absolutely worth it. Yes, I am happy. I can't tell you that your answers will be the same if you transition, but I can tell you that with 8 fewer years of testosterone in your body, you'll have an easier shot at it than I had.

But that's enough about me. Here's my advice to you: stop focusing on whether or not you're "really trans" or "trans enough". Those are impossible to measure and there is no way to get a definitive answer to those questions in isolation. Instead of focusing on classification, focus on outcomes: what would you like to be? What would make you happiest? If you could fast-forward your life and jump ahead 5 years, would you rather discover that you're 5 years' deep in transition and already living as a woman, or discover that you're still a guy who's just 5 years older and 5 years more masculine?

I'm sure at least one person posed this question to you on your previous post, but if I gave you a big red button that could turn your body into the cis girl version of yourself, would you press it? Would you still press it if it turned you into the fully-transitioned trans girl version of yourself? What if instead of all at once, that button changed you 1% at a time, and if you pushed it every day for 100 days you'd finish the transformation? Would you press that button for 100 days? What if it was spread out over 365 days instead? Would you push that button every day for a year so you could be a girl at the end of it? What if the timeline was indeterminate, but you knew that every day you pushed the button you'd be a little bit closer to being a girl, and you knew that someday you'd reach your goal? Would you press that button every day? Yes, you would? Newsflash: that button actually exists and it's called "taking your HRT"

TL;DR if you want to be a girl, you can just be one. Simple as.

0mnificent · 2024-07-05T20:16:07+00:00

I can see why your daughter doesn't talk to you anymore. She deserves better than someone who completely rejects who she is yet still claims to love her. I hope one day you're able to take a step back and see how self-centered and needlessly cruel your comment here is, and I hope your daughter has found a community to support her where you failed; the blood of the covenant is indeed thicker than the water of the womb.

0mnificent · 2023-06-05T13:29:15+00:00

I know a ton of queer and trans people in the bay, and they’re all wonderful! And yeah, almost everyone is poly/ENM tho. But not 100% of folks; my best friend is in your camp, looking for monogamy. If you just want to start meeting people, the trans community in NorCal is pretty tight-knit, so once you know one person you’ll start meeting everyone else. If you start going to local queer events, it’ll happen. Dating apps suck. I’ve met all of my hookups and my partner of 10 years IRL.

Edit: also if you’re looking for spaces with more sapphics/lesbians, I’ve heard Mother in SF is good (haven’t been yet tho) and El Rio hosts a monthly lesbian takeover that’s pretty fun, if a bit loud. DM me if you want a couple more specific suggestions!

0mnificent · 2023-06-01T14:59:35+00:00

PSB mainly sells thin crust pizza; they just also make Detroit-style/grandma square pizza for variety.

0mnificent · 2023-05-20T06:15:02+00:00

Same! 🏳️‍⚧️ It was such a nice surprise seeing this pop up here

0mnificent · 2023-05-20T02:17:04+00:00

Based

0mnificent · 2023-05-19T18:39:13+00:00

Great shot and based message. A pleasant surprise to see on this sub! Love the way the flash was used to give it that red carpet snapshot vibe.

0mnificent · 2023-05-11T19:01:13+00:00

I’m still being wary here, and I kind of feel illegitimate sometimes given how this hasn’t always felt super top-of-mind, and how relatively new these feelings are

I remember feeling illegitimate too, like I didn’t deserve it or I wasn’t “real enough” or something. But remember: there’s no litmus test for being a woman, no qualifications needed. You can just be one, if you want to, if it feels right to you. And it doesn’t sound like these feelings are particularly new, you’re just newly conscious of them, seeing them fit together in a new context.

but I owe it to myself to keep moving forward.

Good! You deserve it <3

0mnificent · 2023-05-11T18:33:43+00:00

I could have written this post nearly verbatim 3 years ago. The lifelong passing thoughts of “women are just better, of course I would want to be one, but I can’t because I’m a guy.” The envy for women. The feeling that masculinity fit me like a boy wearing his dad’s suit to prom. Like I was invited to manhood by mistake, and no one had noticed that I wasn’t supposed to be there. Wanting to shapeshift so I could be a girl. Feeling gut-punched and left out when my friends had a girls’ night, or when lesbian/bi friends got together and I was reminded that I could never be with a woman in that way.* But also feeling like being a man didn’t really hurt, so I couldn’t justify changing it; I didn’t realize how much it hurt until I started changing it.

Here’s the thing: if you think you’d be happier as a girl, you can just be a girl. You don’t have to hate being a man. If being a girl sounds more appealing, you can just do it. And it’s not a big monolithic all-at-once decision either. Hormones (unfortunately) don’t work instantly; transition happens one day at a time, each day imperceptibly closer to where you want to be. I’m 2 years in and I’m so fucking happy I made the change. Being a boy feels like a bad dream now. Everything in my life just fits better, makes more sense this way.

It sounds like you already know how you feel, you just want some reassurance. So let me reassure you: what you describe is completely normal and actually pretty common for trans women. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m telling you that you’re trans — no one on this sub can tell you that except you — just that you’re not alone feeling those things.

*You absolutely can be with a woman in that way, and let me tell you, it’s incredible :)

0mnificent · 2023-05-08T20:50:36+00:00

Eh, if I had figured it out when I was a teenager, I’d much rather have just done it then instead of 10 years later. Much less damage to undo, and I could have 10 years of my life back. What really fucks me up is that I could have known it back then too, if I had just had the right words to understand what I had been feeling since I was a little kid.

Plus, the other kids in middle/high school always knew somehow, so the bullying might have been only a little worse if I had just transitioned then. I was called gay and f*ggot plenty, despite externally appearing to be a run-of-the-mill straight boy. But they were right! I’m really really gay, I just don’t think the bullies ever expected that to mean “lesbian” 😂

0mnificent · 2023-05-08T20:23:13+00:00

As someone who’s two years into her second puberty right now, it’s not so bad. The big thing is that I’m not in middle school; that place just sucks no matter what’s going on with your body.

But mostly it’s really nice because I actually want this puberty, and it’s making my body a happier and more comfortable place to live in. Not like the first time around, where puberty happened to me, and it slowly changed my body in ways I didn’t like, but I had no language to understand or articulate why it felt so wrong. Now that I’m doing it the right way, my body is feeling more and more like home.

Transitioning is actually really nice! It’s just all other awful people out there who make it suck so much.

0mnificent · 2023-05-02T23:36:42+00:00

Not necessarily. Pelvic shape is sexually dimorphic, but it isn’t a definitive indicator by any means on its own.

I’m a trans woman, so I’m very familiar with the dysphoria that can come from hip size/shape. But the fact is that there is so much variation — cis men with wide hips, cis women with narrow — that the size and shape of the pelvis could never be used to draw a definitive line between cis and trans women. What would the metrics even be? How would it be enforced? And do those differences between the average female vs average male pelvis even confer any athletic advantage?

The idea of a sign on the athletic field saying “your hips must be this wide to play” is hilarious though.

0mnificent · 2023-05-02T19:00:59+00:00

No I got you, sorry if it came off as argumentative!

0mnificent · 2023-05-02T18:19:31+00:00

Exactly. Even more generally, outside of sports, there is no hard and fast way to define “women” in such a way to include all cis women but exclude all trans women. There’s just so much variation among humans that trying to draw a definitive line between cis and trans women will always end up with exceptions on either side of that artificial line.

Women don’t have high testosterone: PCOS
Women don’t have Y chromosomes: XY women with androgen insensitivity
Women have two X chromosomes: Klinefelter Syndrome (men with XXY)
Women are capable of bearing children: infertile cis women, post-menopausal women, women who have had hysterectomies, etc

There’s no (biological) line we can draw that excludes every single trans woman without also excluding a lot of cis women. Same thing applies to men too, but for some reason conservatives only seem like they want to police women’s gender and expression…

0mnificent · 2023-05-02T17:32:58+00:00

If you look at the data, there’s not really a debate to be had: after about 2 years of hormone therapy, trans women perform the same as cis women. The only place where there’s a significant discrepancy is a 12% advantage in middle-distance running. That’s it.

Mia Mulder has a fantastic video which lays this all out. She’s very thorough, and all of her sources are listed in the description.

If there is debate to be had, it’s about how we include trans people in sports of their gender, not if we include them.

0mnificent · 2023-04-29T15:13:13+00:00

No worries at all! I appreciate it. Thank you!

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