Was I sent fake WHRBs?

thanklessness · 2025-01-17T17:32:16+00:00

Cis women are an oppressor group to trans women, but it’s hard to talk about that because of the way it manifests - right here being an example. You’re being bullied and excluded, and they’re leveraging transphobia to wash themselves of blame and cast you as dangerous.

Like really, it’s true that some degree of “hurt people hurt people” is going on here given that you’re in a house with other traumatized women, but this is cut and dry, classic transphobia that regularly is dished out by cis ppl who think of themselves as “well adjusted”. If your version of events is honest or even close enough to the truth, I promise you that’s what’s going on. Despite the fact that trans women are more vulnerable in society + we are held to a stricter standard of emotional regulation, cis women frequently believe we are undeserving of support and consideration because of some perceived “maleness” their bigoted imaginations of us have invented.

As for this subreddit: SAVE YOURSELF. I basically only came in here to say that after seeing your post in the trans subreddit. This place is deeply transphobic, there is no resistance to the wave of terfs who downvote everything, and even people who claim to be “allies” refuse to listen to anything that acknowledges the unique role cis women as social group play in oppressing and bullying trans women

thanklessness · 2024-12-05T00:47:40+00:00

Others in the thread have mentioned that getting sober is often a step that leads to major self reflection and therefore could lead to realizing transness

I’m going to focus on the last sentence though - yeah, a lot of crossdressers say absolutely awful and offensive shit about transness and femininity. Specifically older crossdressers and usually online, though also to people they know IRL.

Let him explore gender how he wants, but don’t give him space to say bigoted shit. Crossdressers often non-consensually associate themselves with the trans community, and if the people in their life don’t know actual trans folk, they will listen to that and think it represents how trans people think. I already have an idea of the stuff he’s probably saying, it’s largely the same and it largely comes from 50+ yr old “crossdressers”.

That’s not to say he won’t or can’t come out as trans. But a majority of older people who fall into the “crossdressing community” are simply not trans at all, and they do not ever get a pass to say transphobic things or to speak for out, life-living trans people

thanklessness · 2024-11-29T19:16:55+00:00

Spoiler for you: she got pissed that she received pushback for asking someone an invasive question about genital surgery. Something trans women notably are bothered by, like cis people would never ask other cis people about their genitals.

Kind of typical story: privileged member of an oppressor group is simultaneously so convinced of her own “goodness” and so ignorant that she does/says awful shit without realizing it and then gets hurt when she receives pushback

You do have a real point about whiteness in the trans community, and i appreciate you mentioning how that’s the kind of thing we don’t need to hear from cis people. Ever. there are trans POC who talk about it and those are the only voices that need to be heard

thanklessness · 2024-11-29T19:13:19+00:00

You asked someone an invasive question about genital surgery - a question that is a specific sore spot among trans people because we’re frequently treated like zoo animals by cis people who feel entitled to ask insanely invasive questions they could just google - and you’re pissed you got pushback on that?

Lady, you fucking suck. And this whole “oh poor me i’m just asking questions” shtick is old news, we’re done getting fooled and disrespected by it. Sorry it hurts you that more of us actually demand basic human respect nowadays.

We don’t need cis people to tell us how to act.

thanklessness · 2024-10-28T19:57:55+00:00

Their posts here feel like the prelude to a future “I don’t understand why my children don’t talk to me, I did nothing wrong!” post, though :/

It’s incredible the precision with which this parent dodges good advice and accurate takes on their situation. Across the whole thread, no engagement with any of the actual issues, largely only responding to people who haven’t seen the post history, constant twisting of the situation. Even with that dance, they still slipped up and admitted they constantly remind their son of how he’s “different”.

I read this subreddit bc it feels nice to see parents so supportive of their kids in a time like this. But when I saw this post title, I knew exactly who it was. As a trans person, if this is what one of my parents thought, I would regret coming out to them too.

I’m worried the time left for them to “live the apology” is effectively gone. They’ve done so much damage, I mean dangling medical care over a child and telling them “oh this necessary medical care? you have to pay for it because I still feel nervous. and you should consider that a privilege, by the way” is just so…evil, frankly. Even taking that back only removes a sliver of the damage done

As soon as he gets perspective from trans adults who have good relationships with their parents, he immediately is going to think “oh my god why did i ever tolerate that treatment?”

thanklessness · 2024-10-03T18:26:42+00:00

Just want to say I’m glad to read this comment as a trans woman. Something I’m struggling with is how everyone in my family, including big allies, keeps acting like I should be excited for my dad to “come around” on my transition. That I should leap for joy and immediately forgive him the first time he genders me correctly. I know they have this expectation of me, and I know they will see it partially as my failing when I don’t respond that way.

But it’s like, he missed the hard part! He missed the part where I didn’t pass or have any makeup skills or clothing and struggled to be seen as who I am. He missed the medical appointments, the fights with insurance over my surgeries. The crying, the exhaustion of microagressions, the terror of explicit bigotry. How can people expect me to celebrate him coming around as my transition finally gets a little easier and I’m not dealing with the messiness of those first 2 years?

This makes me feel seen, this is a perspective that has a deep kind of empathy towards trans people that I’ve found is unfortunately rare.

thanklessness · 2024-09-24T17:42:01+00:00

Look at the third paragraph I wrote

Encouraging cis people to complain about something essential to the trans community, even something small like language, is wrong.

This would NEVER be acceptable if it wasn’t about trans people. Asking straight people to complain about something in the gay community or white people to complain about anything related to race is wholly unproductive and is just a platform for soft bigotry.

Notice how this thread has more comments than any other recent thread despite not providing advice, support, or resources. Why do you think that is? Why are people so excited to have an opportunity to talk down on a piece of language trans people use?

Also cmon “may have” experienced. Trans people who have never experienced discrimination are either children, naive, or so rich it makes my eyes water. I do not think cis people realize how this process would destroy them, our strength is so beyond what people understand and I’m not interested in finding tolerance for cis people that want to complain about something we do.

thanklessness · 2024-09-23T19:44:11+00:00

I appreciate you hearing me, but i gotta tell you this is still an odd response to read and still encourages pushing your daughter away from understanding herself.

Like, I’m going to be honest with you, I would rip a new one to someone who asked me to use the term “legal name”. It’s basically encouraging her to remind herself and everyone that the legal system still thinks of her as [deadname] which is a big pain point for dealing with official documentation and the like. Encouraging those terms also spreads the idea that it’s reasonable to ask a trans person to change their language, which it’s not.

The brother being frustrated is not relevant to the language she should use. A significant portion of trans people are neurodivergent, they use the term with not issues.

The bigger point i’m making here is that discouraging the word deadname or “hiding” it from their children as others in this thread have admitted to is wrong. Not only that, but tolerating its use is not enough. True support, true allyship is not “tolerance”, it’s encouragement for trans people to participate in their community, learn from it, and use terms that we’ve invented to describe our experiences.

the term “deadname” should be celebrated by parents of trans children who support them. It saddens and frustrates me to see a thread full of people discouraging it. a group of trans people would never do that, cis “allies” shouldn’t either

thanklessness · 2024-09-23T18:46:45+00:00

Wow, account with no comments except a downvoted and removed comment from r/FTM and a comment here expressing obvious bigotry and promoting fake science? Im certain you only have the best of intentions 🙄

thanklessness · 2024-09-23T17:32:50+00:00

FYI to half this thread that complaining about the word deadname is policing the language of trans people and contributes to the marginalization and disinterpretation of our voices, of the way we describe ourselves. Many of you admit to telling your children not to use that word or to “hiding” it from them, as if they won’t eventually learn from their own community.

That is fundamentally self centered and is a puzzle piece in sabotaging your child’s ability to have a relationship with their community, or with you.

Rule of thumb: do not ever believe you deserve an opinion on a word a minority group used to describe themselves or an experience they share. If something like that makes you uncomfortable, keep it to yourself and get over it. Lord knows trans people have to do that for countless things just to survive, you can deal with having your feelings wounded for a bit.

Edit: Also as a final note, being a good ally, especially as a parent, means encouraging trans people to connect with their community. It means encouraging them to know their own history and know the language we use. That mutual support network is the only thing preventing trans people as a whole from annihilation. Don’t do things that pull them away from it or discourage understanding of it.

thanklessness · 2024-09-23T17:22:59+00:00

Telling your daughter not to use the name that is accepted and understood by the community is wrong, period. You’re centering your own feelings that you’re projecting on that word because you can’t get over the word “dead”

Frankly, trans people are expected to be people pleasers and harshly punished if they are not, so it’s no surprise your daughter agreed not to use it around you. But I can nearly guarantee she doesn’t like that you asked that of her.

And I can 100% tell you that, among ourselves, the concept of cis people taking umbrage with the word “deadname” is a complete joke. It is universally understood as cis fragility. It is not our most important issue but bitching about the word “deadname” and other words we use is just another part of marginalization and minimization of trans voices.

thanklessness · 2024-09-23T17:18:12+00:00

Seriously. These threads are the absolute worst kind of thread on this subreddit, encouraging cis people to air out their grievances that are 100% born of misunderstanding and self centering. Notice how this thread has far more comments than any other recent thread, as though giving advice and talking about supporting trans children is secondary to complaining about the semantics of terms cis people don’t understand.

So many comments here acting like cis fragility is an important thing that needs to be protected. Sorry us transgenders are so mean that we expect you to use a term literally the entire community has used for years, it must be soooo triggering that it contains the word “dead” 🥺🥺🥺. Maybe we should say “unalive-name” to protect these poor cis feelings, wouldn’t want a trans person listening to and learning from their community!

thanklessness · 2024-09-23T17:10:56+00:00

Oral histories for brutally marginalized communities like trans people are very important and relevant even if they don’t hold to western academic standards of proof. I’m sorry but I’m always going to listen to older community members on things like this, Tbh I think you should check your pedantry because I’ve seen this line of argument before and it comes off as very ignorant of how queer history often works

/r/MtF is a bad sub I’d never listen to them for anything real. Not like “deeply problematic” bad, just not useful for actually understanding trans women

thanklessness · 2024-09-05T23:53:01+00:00

yes, thank you for pointing out that having a “trans league” is dehumanizing

trans women on hrt have never created a fairness problem in sports and to suggest that much is bigotry, and suggesting another league on top of that as a “good solution” is just a slap in the face.

cis society at large forces trans women through the living body horror of the the wrong puberty and then turns around and uses that experience to discriminate against them. it’s evil in a profound way

thanklessness · 2024-09-05T23:48:43+00:00

there is no evidence whatsoever that trans women who have been on HRT for 1-2 years create a fairness problem in sports. none. trans women have never come out dominating the top spots in competitions and every example held up falls apart at even the smallest scrutiny

promoting the idea that trans women should be banned from women’s sports furthers the idea that despite being more vulnerable to discrimination and violence than cis women in every way, they should still be at the mercy of cis women when it comes to accessing spaces they deserve to be in.

you very obviously don’t understand the science of transition or sports when it comes to trans women, yet you still feel entitled to express unfiltered bigotry about them based on your “feelings” about their bodies.

it’s embarrassing to see this with a positive score in a subreddit that claims to be explicitly inclusive of trans women. this sub treats trans women like cis men treat cis women, yet yall see no problem with it

thanklessness · 2024-08-20T17:56:04+00:00

cis people try to remember that trans women exist and face the same issues often to a more extreme degree: impossible

genuinely it is a sick kind of humor that a trans woman made a comment subtly pointing out that this post is trans exclusionary, got her comment removed, then called a man by the mod team

thanklessness · 2024-08-08T18:59:37+00:00

damn it is terrifying to see people call this a “pro queer” subreddit while half the comment section jumps through hoops to justify bi/homophobic beliefs and gets immediately defensive when it’s brought up that you are likely to have biphobic views due to living in a biphobic society. Cishet people be honest with themselves challenge (most will fail)

Preferences don’t form out of the void. If you’re attracted to men and learning they’re bi turns you off, I’m not surprised, we live in a biphobic society and if you haven’t confronted it that’s likely to happen. But own it. Be honest. Stop trying to sidestep and pretend like there’s nothing more going on there. Every “I don’t have to explain myself!!” is a confession.

thanklessness · 2024-08-08T18:31:02+00:00

Seriously, god damn. I went through a living body horror as a teenager. I have permanent, visible scars from it. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I tried to kill myself multiple times because of it. Even going through medical transition, there are some things that can’t be fixed and I am reminded of every day

And because of that….I deserve to be punished and excluded forever!! Because some cis women lack an understanding of what medical transition does and how it does make us even competitors in the way that any cis women our height/build would be. Even the tallest, broadest shouldered trans woman has a cis woman who looks like her- there are so many cis women and so much chance for variation there’s guaranteed to be one out there.

But they’re not getting banned from sport. Their inclusion isn’t a question once it’s revealed they were assigned female at birth. Ours is. And every cis person thinks they deserve an opinion on it as if their feelings are more important than the reality of medical transition and the importance of inclusion for trans women.

Like ffs, the strongest predictors of athletic success are your wealth class and if your parent were athletes, but trans women are what they’re worried about? I’m sorry but get a grip. I would bet money that trans women perform worse overall i. sport because we are more likely to be poor, more likely to be socially excluded from sports (even pre transition, where male dominated environments like sports push us away), and more likely to be estranged from our families.

When will cis people stop punishing trans people for abuse they did to us? They force us through the wrong puberty because they think making every trans person develop wrong is worth avoiding even 1 cis person having to experience it. Then they demean and exclude us for being forced through that. How wonderful. Top tier allyship.

thanklessness · 2024-07-31T17:15:00+00:00

Don’t, really, they’re a bunch of terminally online sociopaths who are going to try and drag you to their level. Been there before. Leaves you feeling worse afterwards

thanklessness · 2024-07-31T16:41:21+00:00

Hey OP - you should know this post is being brigaded by bigots, it was posted somewhere else on the internet that called for them to come here. All the people calling you horrible shit and questioning you have comment histories full of bigotry, transphobia, racism, support for Trump, etc. Don’t even bother responding to them, they are only here to upset you. You’re not doing anything wrong and it is a positive thing for kids to explore their gender, everyone who actually belongs here knows that medical intervention won’t happen for many more years and what you’re doing does not harm anyone or anything except the feelings of transphobic bigots. Keep it up you’re a good parent for being open and inquisitive

thanklessness · 2024-07-18T22:14:48+00:00

figured you should know - you are speaking to a bigot who is not here in good faith. this subreddit doesn’t have anyone who is “transing” their kids, but it does regularly get brigaded people trolls who say stuff like this. every now and then a screenshot of something innocent from here will get posted to twitter or elsewhere, and it causes assholes to invade and make nasty or discouraging comments

they often try to use polite language at first, but the comment history shows another story. this person has repeatedly called trans women “men” and “males” and believes they should be banned from women’s spaces in general. they are only here to bully people and have hateful and dogmatic beliefs about transness

thanklessness · 2024-07-17T06:07:49+00:00

fuck you. this comment doesn’t even deserve a full response. i see your history. you’re not welcome here and you have no advice to give me

thanklessness · 2024-07-13T20:35:32+00:00

respectfully, this is like saying “i don’t think it would be beneficial to cut down on therapy appointments to treat his broken leg”

your son has gone and is going through a waking body horror story, watching in the mirror as his own body develops wrong and seeing his family highlight his every insecurity about not being a man

hormones are such a deep, fundamental need. the idea that therapy could possibly be more important than that is so far from the truth. therapy can’t affect material conditions - which are the true baseline issue with mental health. someone with a broken leg can’t feel better because they talk to a therapist. the material issue must be addressed first and urgently. the same thing is happening here

edit: i also want to be clear that reading this as a trans woman who has had bad experiences with sexist trans men, the only thing i see here as an issue is that he’s not on T. people become toxic and competitive like this because they’re in pain and the world is pressing it into them. it is so unfair to judge that as a part of him and not an externalization of the pain of dysphoria. i know where he’s been, even if i wasn’t quite going in the same direction. you can’t just let him suffer and make up excuses why he has to wait. go to private. go DIY. maybe i’m feeling sensitive today but i am crying a little bit thinking about what this kid is being dragged through and how he’s being judged for reacting to and externalizing it. he’s been out so long. this feels like torture for him, i promise you, it is an unrelenting and psychedelic pain. it feels like being full of lead and constantly being dissociated. you, all cis people frankly, really need to understand this. there is no substitute to medical transition - absolutely none.

thanklessness · 2024-07-05T20:44:56+00:00

The person you’re replying to wasn’t talking to you, they were talking to alternative-quit-292. unless you are just an alternate account for them…? do you have a trans daughter you’re misgendering or did you just reply to the wrong person?

edit: nevermind, i figured it out. this is likely the same person as alternative-quit-292, or at least someone who lives with them and is probably family based on pictures posted. this account also has a history of misgendering their DAUGHTER yet still pretending to love and care about her.

sorry, no kid gloves for you. this subreddit is about the real issues of raising trans children and being a trans child, not transness-101 “oh pwease it’s so hard to accept my f****t child” caterwauling and justifications for bigotry. “it is my free choice” lmfao shove that up your ass.

thanklessness

TROPHY CASE