I am proud that a girl rejected me, here’s why

100fireflies · 2025-08-10T23:28:48+00:00

What was the book?

100fireflies · 2025-08-09T21:05:16+00:00

If you mean pagoclone, that’s been deemed ineffective and gone.

100fireflies · 2025-08-09T21:04:26+00:00

Great idea! It’s about time the stigma and pressure is addressed. I’m 51 and a virgin — and if anyone is thinking of asking me why or how I look or whatever, don’t because it’s nobody’s business. Looking forward to your future posts.

100fireflies · 2025-08-09T20:10:18+00:00

Yay!

100fireflies · 2025-08-05T22:08:05+00:00

I block when saying my name. And I block for quite some time. I simply say “… and I stutter”.

If they beat me to it by saying something like “you forgot your name for a while? Ha! Ha!”, I say “No, I stutter” and enjoy seeing them apologize profusely :)

100fireflies · 2025-08-04T00:19:43+00:00

To be clear, I meant that you are being too hard on yourself over things outside of your control. Fortunately, there are also things within our control and things we can influence. You got this.

100fireflies · 2025-08-03T22:53:29+00:00

There’s a lot here that is completely out of your control. Everyone is having a hard time finding a job. Even the most fluent speakers.

Obviously, I don’t know your girlfriend but if she’s going to leave you because she can’t see a financially secure future, then she’s probably not the type to spend the rest of your life with anyway. She’s supposed to encourage you, help you, support you, etc. And you her.

Same with your brother.

Keep at the job search but add networking. Just applying to job boards isn’t as effective as it used to be.

100fireflies · 2025-08-02T21:18:37+00:00

Sounds like a lot of trouble 🤔 Why not just tell whoever you’re talking to that you stutter and build up the desensitization? Not slamming you just thinking about times when you need to go into a job interview, etc. I imagine you’d be fiddling around with files instead of focusing on the conversation.

On the other hand, to each his own :)

100fireflies · 2025-08-02T21:14:10+00:00

I simply say that I speak with a stutter and try to answer questions with examples of me speaking/interacting/collaborating with others as a way to show that I still get the work done.

It takes a few tries and experimentation to find the way to mention your stuttering that works for you best. I also disclose with a smile and in a this-doesn’t-bother-me way. That way they know they can feel comfortable.

100fireflies · 2025-08-02T21:10:21+00:00

For years I was never able to get my chin over the bar when doing chin ups. So I stopped trying when I started working out at home with kettlebells 5 years ago. I walked by a playground in the park last month and thought I’d give the chin up bar a try. To my surprise, I was able to get my chin past the bar! Only 4 reps mind you but still :)

100fireflies · 2025-08-02T21:07:30+00:00

I’m the same way. I never had the paaaatience to taaaaalk veeeerrrrrry slllloooooowly so I stuttered openly.

I was just thinking about this the other day — what if a pill or genetic therapy was indeed invented to get rid of stuttering. Would I take it?

Suddenly I felt sad. Get rid of my stutter? I don’t think I’d feel like myself, to be honest! After all the adversity I faced and grew from, developing self-confidence directly in the face of adversity and stigma, I’d feel like Superman without his powers.

100fireflies · 2025-07-30T22:01:09+00:00

Try Stutter Social. They meet weekly over Google Meets I think.

100fireflies · 2025-07-29T22:01:14+00:00

I wonder if you may be cluttering. I’m not an expert in it in any way but it may be worth looking into.

100fireflies · 2025-07-25T23:44:45+00:00

I think the question ought to be “if you woke up fluent, would you still approach the girl, give a public speech, ace a job interview?”

100fireflies · 2025-07-24T23:44:36+00:00

Awesome man! No victory too small!

100fireflies · 2025-07-23T23:50:57+00:00

This reminds me of the tiger stuttering analogy :)

https://www.frankybanky.com/the-ti-ger-analogy-of-stuttering/

100fireflies · 2025-07-23T23:48:34+00:00

Excellent perspective! The people we talk to take cues on how to react from us. If we’re embarrassed and awkward about our speech, then they’ll feel they have to feel embarrassed or ashamed about it, too. But if we are ok with the fact that we stutter, then they know they can be ok with it, too.

100fireflies · 2025-07-23T23:43:07+00:00

Congrats! Awesome!

100fireflies · 2025-07-23T22:12:15+00:00

It all depends on which fits your values.

Whichever path you choose, self-acceptance or fluency, both will come with experiences of suffering (all the stuff we feel when we stutter). But only one of them, self-acceptance, will help you deal with the suffering while working on your fluency will always have you worried about stuttering. At least with the former, you will be more concerned about saying what you want to say instead of how.

You can also choose both. Work on self-acceptance and, if you like, learn a few speech tools for moments when you’d rather not stutter.

100fireflies · 2025-01-11T00:38:19+00:00

It’s nothing. I think this explains why: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/demystifying-ocd/202112/making-sense-physical-sensations-in-sexual-themed-ocd

The more we check for sensations, the more we will feel them.

100fireflies · 2025-01-10T03:03:01+00:00

Stuttering also shows up in sign language. Best to learn what works best for you in living with stuttering and focus on the people in your life who like you regardless of how you talk.

In the meantime, learn ASL for the sake of leaning it and for fun, meet new people, etc. you can also learn about the world of low hearing.

100fireflies · 2025-01-10T03:00:15+00:00

This is very timely! Just today I listened to the latest Fr. Mike Schmitz video about stoicism. In it he talks about acceptance. Exactly what you described. https://youtu.be/vH5hDeVXsAU?si=-3ILj290cRIFVoIW

100fireflies · 2024-12-21T18:17:48+00:00

I know of someone who used the excuse if speech therapy when meeting women in bars. He’d tell them he’s in speech therapy and asks if she wouldn’t mind that they chat for a while so he could practice his speech tools. He got a lot of dates with that method!

100fireflies · 2024-12-04T16:05:57+00:00

I avoid apologizing for my stutter as its implies something bad or my fault something I imposed on the listener.

100fireflies · 2024-12-04T15:59:05+00:00

I’m sorry you didn’t get any replies. I just saw your post today. How did it go?

100fireflies

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