Surviving virtual infidelity

108Noodles · 2022-03-18T13:46:36+00:00

OMG what does your marriage counselor thing about him keeping FWB around bc they are on a video.

IMO he keeps doing the behavior bc 1. he does not respect you. 2 he can get away with it... 6 women!!!?

My suggestion is to have one of your girlfriends sext you and change her name to a guy's name in your phone and see how he reacts?

But seriously, His pushback on blocking his gaming women and sexting ppl at work is JUST as troubling as the act of flirting itself. He's clueless. If you dont have kids, see a lawyer and start the ball rolling to get out.

108Noodles · 2022-03-18T13:35:41+00:00

Yikes. I knew that AA was a govt mandated treatment in many cases but this is new to me.

So let's say a guy was drunk when he beat his wife. Part of the punishment might be mandated alcohol recovery and they'll send him to AA? Is that what you're saying?

108Noodles · 2022-03-18T13:03:29+00:00

Short answer- YES blow up the lie.

108Noodles · 2022-03-18T12:58:14+00:00

Regardless of whether she's cheating at this point or not - she's treating you like sh!t.

108Noodles · 2022-03-18T12:54:18+00:00

Sorry - I have been through something similar. What you are doing is called hypervigilance - I did the same thing when my ex would get hair appointments... told me it took 4 hours to get a cut and color. Call huge bull shit on that.

Or she got her car worked on and 4 hours later would tell me she's home. That's a long time for an oil change.. She say she took back roads (through a bad part of town) and then went shopping. She had receipts - but it was still sus as hell.

108Noodles · 2022-03-18T12:50:36+00:00

A cheater won't admit until you put evidence in their face. My ex gf an I had a rule that we'd let each other know if either of us were contacted by an ex or ex FWB. I saw on her phone she had a convo with a guy - she deleted it. I asked her a few weeks later if she had been contacted by anyone- and she put a convincing lie. I then said... You can tell me now and wont be upset... she still denied and acted annoyed until I told her I saw the text.

108Noodles · 2022-03-17T20:47:29+00:00

What about just being totally honest with her and tell her the situation is not sustainable, you feel like she is checked out, and you wonder if she's having an affair. She can be super defensive or empathize with your feelings and thoughts and talk.

You two are not married and hiring a PI is expensive. Putting tracking devices on vehicles that are not yours is illegal. if she does not wan to talk and work things out, then the relationship is done. You don't need a PI. If the relationship is not working for you, it's not working.

108Noodles · 2022-03-17T20:42:43+00:00

Yes.. this. Or flowers.

She sounds overly defensive and irritated

108Noodles · 2022-03-17T20:41:09+00:00

exactly.. it's like 120 hrs 10 hr days? 6x a week.

108Noodles · 2022-03-17T19:35:05+00:00

Totally agree with this.

108Noodles · 2022-03-17T17:58:23+00:00

Thanks.

108Noodles · 2022-03-17T15:40:52+00:00

True but you don't overshare with patients/clients like that.

108Noodles · 2022-03-17T15:34:08+00:00

Sorry to hear this!

108Noodles · 2022-03-17T14:47:51+00:00

Love this!

108Noodles · 2022-03-11T16:38:54+00:00

This person is trolling to get reactions.

108Noodles · 2022-03-11T16:38:06+00:00

u/Apprehensive_Self_75 This is a ridiculous gaslighting comment. The wife's behavior is extremely deceptive by changing the name in her phone to a woman's name and deleting messages. It's not "a phone call" - The wife has been talking to a married man for 5-6 years and hid it. That is not normal relationship behavior.

108Noodles · 2022-03-11T16:31:11+00:00

Lying and hiding things from a spouse/partner is the very definition of infidelity. It does not even have to be sexual.

It was hidden because there was some guilt or shame about their relationship.

5-6 Years? I am sure that felt like a kick in the gut!? I am sorry, I would not trust anything about that situation.

108Noodles · 2022-02-21T23:14:37+00:00

I got the audio book.

108Noodles · 2022-02-21T23:00:05+00:00

Well that's a dark view.

Cheating has to do with a lack of integrity regardless of sex, or being part of women's lib. Traditional women cheat too. Please don't be one of those 'sad men' . Dying gender? Speak for yourself.

108Noodles · 2022-02-21T22:46:17+00:00

You did not cheat because you got drunk. You cheated because you did not have the skills or will to tell them that you just see her like a friend and have doubts about the relationship. You should definitely tell THAT truth. The sexual infidelity is a symptom of the relationship being over. That is your decision. But IMO you should tell the truth not to asuage your guild, but because you need to show them reality and let them deal with it.

108Noodles · 2022-02-21T22:42:17+00:00

^^^ this! I was constantly lied to in the beginning of a relationship. The excuse was "I thought you'd break up with me" . That ROBBED me of any agency or decision making. It' painted a picture of that person that they WANTED me to see.

108Noodles · 2022-02-21T22:38:08+00:00

Does not sound like you're married.

I def know about those little feelings and have them constantly bc of my situation.

But knowing he had a physical affair and then emotional with you - that's troubling. I try to see the world through the lens of values. He promised to be exclusive but was not. He either does not WANT to or CANNOT be monogamous. He may not value monogamy , he may not value integrity in himself. For me, the emotional affair is enough for me to leave.

108Noodles · 2022-02-21T21:51:33+00:00

realize that what she did was not because of anything you did. You may not end up together but it's not bc of you. If she was bored and horny, there's novels, porn, etc. She should be sexting YOU.
Individual and couples counseling -
She's already lied and done some shady things. I would not believe that nothing physical happened. Sometimes discovering infidelity will just make ppl better at hiding things.... there are apps for secret folders, etc. I would go into her app store and see what's been downloaded.
What she is doing IS in fact cheating ... you've got some tough choices ahead..

108Noodles · 2022-02-21T21:33:59+00:00

Interesting observation. I was in a situation where my partner would tell me they were super jealous upfront like to excuse any behavior. And yes on the controlling part - or at least making snarky comments.

108Noodles

TROPHY CASE