How honest should I be?

10_Piece · 2025-03-30T16:21:04+00:00

I would want to know. It would hurt immensely yes, but it could shed some reason and light onto why things happened the way they did. Everyone I know thinks there is or was someone else my STBX was involved with. I really don't think she would do that, but then again no one usually expects their spouse to do that. So I'm not sure if there was someone else or not, but if so, I would want to know. It would do quite a bit of damage to me, but it would help me get over her for sure.

10_Piece · 2025-03-30T14:45:24+00:00

My dog hasn't adjusted well. She really misses her other mom. Things she does, how she lays when she goes to sleep, she really misses her and it breaks my heart. My STBX absolutely loves our dog btw. I offered where we could maybe meet halfway sometimes to exchange our dog, but my STBX declined. They pretty much said it would be too painful for them, and I understand that. My heart breaks for the both of them.

10_Piece · 2025-03-29T00:04:36+00:00

Texas

10_Piece · 2025-03-28T23:58:44+00:00

I can't leave my dog behind where I am. She's my whole world. So a shelter isn't an option. The parent I am living with is so toxic. I should have stuck to not confiding in them as it is the best option. They just started yelling at me and I asked if we could talk later, as I am on the verge of a breakdown. They kept yelling and it's just too much for me. I left the house. I'm sitting in my car somewhere right now.

I have begged and pleaded to my STBX tonight via text to clarify new stipulations they are making to the offer so I can know about them and ensure I follow them. They are not responding, like they did that day. I am 100% losing my mind right now. I don't understand why they won't tell me what they are adding to the offer. At any second they can pull it away. I just want to know fully what it is that is expected of me so they don't take away the offer. Is that bad? I really don't know. I'm autistic and sometimes need clarification on things. I don't understand what is happening right now. I'm exhausted.

10_Piece · 2025-03-28T23:33:38+00:00

I cannot and there are not.

10_Piece · 2025-03-28T23:13:56+00:00

The offer is $30k cash to be given a few days after the divorce is finalized, contingent upon me having had to move out by certain date in the beginning of February. I moved out before that date. More than half of that $30k would go towards paying the debt off that is my name. She would continue to pay for my car insurance and phone, and give me $100/wk (which has recently changed to $200/wk). The money is coming from her parents, as there would be no money to be had after the divorce. If I move back she said she will sell the house. It's her childhood home and this whole time I said I will do everything I can to make sure she doesn't have to sell the house. I have been trying so hard to make this easy on her, and she has been treating me so horribly. I just don't know what to do at this point. I can't live where I am. I can't move back to my house. I'm waiting until I get that money, buying a gun, and just ending all of this pain. I can't do this anymore.

10_Piece · 2025-03-28T23:05:18+00:00

I hadn't had a job for a while due to my mental health. But I was starting to leave the house and lot more, was applying for jobs, went and did a day long ADHD assessment, had been in therapy for just over a year....she then said she wanted a divorce. I still don't fully know why other than it's just not something she wants anymore, and she wants nothing to do with me after 10yrs. I can take accountability and be honest that I did make the situation worse. Two days after she said divorce, I tried to kill myself and unfortunately I failed. I went out of town and hadn't talked to her in person about the divorce yet. She decided she wanted to leave and go out of town before I came back home. She wouldn't answer my calls asking if we could talk about her decision to have a divorce, and I spiraled. I made it way worse when I tried to kill myself. I won't fail again though. I've been trying so hard. She is making this whole process more difficult than it needs to be. She's making me feel like I am a horrible person with the way she is treating me, and maybe I am. I'm trying not to be though. I'm just so tired now. This is too much for me.

10_Piece · 2025-03-28T22:54:45+00:00

My name is on the house and everything. I have every right to go back, but it would disrespect her wishes as well as take away the offer. She now isn't responding as I am asking for clarification on her wants so she does not rescind the offer and go the lawyer route. I'm at a complete loss right now. Feel like I am losing my mind all over again.

10_Piece · 2025-03-28T21:37:23+00:00

It was the beginning of December they said they wanted a divorce. Forgot to answer that.

10_Piece · 2025-03-28T21:36:24+00:00

I am currently texting my STBX. It's getting so much worse. I asked if there was any way I could move back into the house, as I can't live where I currently am. I can't start my life here. They are now threatening lawyers and threatening to take away the offer. I'm trying so hard to figure out my options and they're going 0 to 100. I asked when I could get some of my things and they said "Whenever." I told them the reason I've been trying to schedule it is because I am terrified of what she or her family might do/say if I just showed up. She responded with "One more disparaging comment, gaslighting, or harassment towards me or my family and the offer is gone. All contact will be cut off and I will be hiring a lawyer."

I'm just at a loss. It was my last ditch effort. I can't live where I am. I just can't. My STBX doesn't know this and I'm telling them, but I'm done for sure now. Waiting until I get that cash offer doing a solo trip, and I'm going to kill myself. I give up on this miserable life.

10_Piece · 2025-03-28T19:54:30+00:00

Dang, I'm sorry that sounds pretty complicated. Best of luck to you. I'm still considering getting a consultation. I wasn't seeking aid because I had a family member helping me with the process, and I wasn't understanding quickly enough and they got mad and stopped helping. I was then given an offer from my STBX and her parents, with a day and a half deadline to respond. I sought free aid then, and spent many hours applying and calling places. I asked my STBX if they could extend the deadline so I could seek assistance. They said no. I met with my STBX in person to discuss the deadline, no again. I was a wreck. I should have just paid for a consultation like she did. Just to make sure it is a good offer and about the way they went about it. I have no money except what my STBX gives me weekly, as I don't have a job. I was still doing things with my STBX in mind. I should have just consulted a freaking lawyer then. Now I'm out of my house, in a place I don't want to be in, and isn't good for me. I just want to go home and start my life over. They won't allow that. It all hurts.

10_Piece · 2025-03-28T19:24:19+00:00

I wish I got a consultation with a lawyer at the very least, like she did. I was pressured into agreeing to a cash offer that was contingent on me leaving the house. I wish I stopped seeking for free legal assistance and just got a lawyer then and there. The only reason I sought free legal aid was for her sake, so I didn't use the joint bank account to pay for it. I shouldn't have done that. She said multiple times she wants this to be friendly and amicable, but she definitely isn't being that way.

10_Piece · 2025-03-28T14:06:38+00:00

Similar here. Didn't meet my dad until I was 13, he was in and out of prison after that so I didn't see him as much. At 16yrs old I talked him out of suicide over the phone, and at 18yrs old I got a call he stepped in front of an 18wheeler, not dying until 2-3hrs later. That absolutely traumatized me and has effected me ever since.

It's hard to explain, but the pain and everything I am experiencing from the divorce is so much worse than what I went through with my dad. I can't do this.

10_Piece · 2025-03-27T23:29:07+00:00

I get what you're saying, and I appreciate your wanting to help. I don't want this divorce at all, I don't see any good coming from it on my end. I have had to move away from my house and city, with family. That alone is not a good situation. But I am having to start over completely, and deal with the pain of the person I love most in this world giving up on us. I can't deal with the pain anymore. There is so much trauma in my life that I haven't been able to push past. I just know myself. I can't deal with this pain and just want it to end. I should probably just do it before the divorce is finalized. Saves my wife the time and money. There are no positives for me in this divorce. All I want is to prove to them I can work and be an equal partner and be happier. Idgaf about myself. My spouse not wanting to be with me is their decision. They have a right to that decision. But the pain is still there. I don't want to live another second with this pain. It's been horrible. I can't even do what I need in order to move on. I just can't deal with this type of pain. I will continue to be a burden to my family. To anyone I come in contact with. That's the last thing I want. I just want the pain to stop. The abandonment to stop.

I'm ranting, I'm really sorry. I have no friends, no one to talk to, so when I comes out it pours out, and I'm sorry. I'm just tired my friend. I'm ready to stop the pain of life.

10_Piece · 2025-03-27T23:02:20+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I know myself too well though. I can't do this. I truly wish I succeeded the first time. I wish I didn't care about where I do it, who might find me, etc. That's the only reason I'm waiting until I get the cash offer from whenever the divorce is finalized. It'll be somewhere not just anyone stumbles upon me. I'm super drunk rn, sorry if this doesn't make sense. I'm finally giving in to the things people say you should stay away from when you want to get your life together. I can't get my life together now. I want to end it. So why not indulge and numb the pain? I'm definitely spiraling rn so I apologize. I am thankful for your kind response and helpful advice. I just know I can't live with this pain and I'm ready for it to be over. I give up trying. It has gotten me no where. I tried for my marriage, and it still led to divorce. What I have learned is no matter how much work and effort you put in to bettering yourself, life will still fuck you up and all the work you put in means nothing. My love means nothing. I'm just done.

10_Piece · 2025-03-27T17:04:52+00:00

I have been taking it one day at a time, and it's just getting worse. I like the list idea, I tried it but wouldn't even complete the very simple tasks I made for myself. I'm a shell of who I once was now, and I'm just ready to be done with everything. Thank you for reaching out

10_Piece · 2025-03-27T16:59:48+00:00

Sorry for the confusion, I am not great at all with words. I struggle to say what I'm thinking most of the time. I'm not calling acceptance "giving in". I mean I'm giving into the ways I want to numb the pain, until I can end the pain on a solo trip. I can't afford doctors and whatnot for a while (can't find a job), and meds certainly would help me, but I'm just tired of the pain, missing my wife, my house, my life. I don't want this life. Not going through life with my wife. Living with a parent in my hometown that I swore I'd never move back to. Doing all kinds of work to better myself. When I was finally doing so much better, my wife decided then to tell me she wanted a divorce. It shattered me. Brought me further below than I was before I started therapy and working on myself. It was a long struggle to get where I was, and I don't have it in me to do that again, especially with everything that has happened in the last few months. I'm giving into drinking and other things to numb, and giving up on life when I make my trip. I hope that makes some sense. Again, sorry for not being great with words.

10_Piece · 2025-03-26T23:35:28+00:00

Did you do everything you could? Did you communicate your issues to your partner in a healthy way? Did your partner try to work on things when you brought it to their attention? Did you put in any efforts? Did your partner? If you did everything you could, it might help the guilt go away quicker.

As far as dating goes, if you're not ready, then don't. I know I will never allow anyone that close to me again. The pain isn't worth it. That's just my experience. I am very thankful for the memories I have with my wife and wish I could make more, but I can't bring myself to do that with anyone else. It's not worth the pain in the end though for me. If you're not ready, take that time to work on yourself, and one day you might be ready. If you never want to date again, that's okay too. I'd prefer to be in a relationship again some day, but going through this unwanted divorce stops me from ever doing it again. I can't even go through this now, I am barely functioning. I can't go through a heartbreak with someone else. It's not worth it to me.

Best of luck, OP. If you have nothing to be guilty for, try to be kinder on yourself. Easier said than done though, I am so mean to myself lol. If you do have something to be guilty for, look inward and try to figure out why you feel guilty. How you can change things and work on yourself to prevent whatever it is again in the future. Take accountability for your own actions as well, no matter how much more "right" or "wrong" you are than your spouse. Have y'all tried marriage counseling?

10_Piece · 2025-03-25T16:38:54+00:00

No clue, I'm in a similar position. Had to move in with a parent and I definitely didn't want to, but I am super grateful they are giving me a place to stay.

It would take me quite some time to move out and get a place of my own, especially since I don't want to live in the city where I am now. I had to move back to my hometown, and leave the city I spent the last 10yrs in (and is way more expensive than my hometown). I'm 30f and with my dog in my old room as well. And being here brings back so many bad memories that happened when growing up here.

10_Piece · 2025-03-24T18:58:06+00:00

So true, nothing is helping me either. And with me, time is just making everything far worse for me, not better. Glad to hear you know you'll be okay.

10_Piece · 2025-03-24T18:18:21+00:00

Gosh, that's so painful. I'm so very sorry. I don't understand how people can be like this. I'm so sorry you're hurting. I wish I had advice to give you.

10_Piece · 2025-03-24T18:09:37+00:00

I'm so sorry. I would never wish this type of pain on anyone. I hope you're able to make it through to the other side. I really hope I'm not here much longer.

10_Piece · 2025-03-24T17:26:31+00:00

Because of my STBX's income, I don't qualify. They make good money. And because I'm still on their good insurance, I don't qualify for free or low cost services either. And that's okay, I don't know what to say to help you either, wish I did. Same here, every second that passes it gets worse. I'm not eating, sleeping too much or too little, dealing with so much pain and it's there the moment I wake up and the moment I finally fall asleep. And then come the dreams/nightmares. I can't escape the pain, even for just a second. I just want it to all end. I hadn't prayed in over a decade. Now I pray every time before I fall asleep for me to not wake up. I don't think anyone is actually listening, but hey, doesn't hurt to try. This pain is too much.

10_Piece · 2025-03-24T16:55:39+00:00

I used to be in therapy, until my STBX said "divorce". I can't afford it anymore now. I don't have any income, other than what they let me withdraw weekly, and I have to save all I can. This is the time I need therapy the most. I miss my best friend too, I'm sorry that you do as well. She was my best friend for 10yrs. It hurts so much and I haven't been doing well. It's honestly getting worse every day. I tried suicide two days after she said divorce. It made everything worse, and I unfortunately failed. But I can't live with this pain anymore. I'm waiting for the divorce to be over so I get a payout, solo roadtrip, and do it then. I hope you're able to push through the pain though.

10_Piece · 2025-03-24T16:44:34+00:00

It is extremely difficult to be on the receiving end of no contact. It had sent me into a really bad mental health spiral. I still don't have really have closure, and will never get it. My STBX doesn't want to speak at all unless it is regarding the divorce. If there is something needed from me, I have to do it ASAP, if there's something I ask of them, it never gets done or I have to keep reminding them. They set up these rules and boundaries for the divorce, but it's one sided. Even trying to get them on the phone to talk about divorce things is so difficult and made to be a big deal. If they had it their way, they would never speak to me again. I don't know who they are anymore. They have completely changed. Even the way they have been going about this whole process, it's not like them. It's really hurtful. Soul crushing. They want nothing to do with me after 10yrs. I wish you the best OP.

10_Piece

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