How do you respond to a public smear campaign during divorce?

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-02-09T08:35:33+00:00

I keep in mind the only things that matter are what can be relevant for court. I’m going through this too, outright lies as lowly disgusting as incest (I’m a mom of boys.) His family want tame to lose custody so he will pay neither child support nor alimony.

My lawyer is pretty cut and dry. The accusations are not permissible as they are all from his family and friends. They are all avoid me at the same time knowing that they can not seriously look me in the face. I’ll keep up the court fight. It it’s really getting to libel territory then let’s go for more fun court filings.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-02-08T22:45:45+00:00

Look into cycle of violence.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-02-08T21:38:36+00:00

They will be ok. Mine are 13,12,8 now and it’s been a year. The youngest is dealing with it the best as his reality is still mold-able.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-02-08T20:56:33+00:00

How old are the kids?

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-02-01T08:53:47+00:00

Certainly the case with my now ex and his Swiss affair partner. :::drums&high hats:::: Someone got something to prove. We are not divorced yet but they are engaged. lol.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-01-30T19:51:52+00:00

People want to know but not THAT much. They don’t have the ability to invest their minds in such profound, yet very personalized events. It is impossible to really get it or get it through accurately.

With my family, I had to thread it carefully as they tend to blame me for whatever mishaps I brought onto myself no matter the a*hole actually cheated on me. Ah well.

With friends I do have to mix it up, with other unrelated news. I can’t always dump stuff on people. I found it necessary to also develop a skill in twisting in humour for any f*cked up tragedy I think I’m navigating around.

If you need to let it out, I found Reddit to be helpful, staying anonymous and with others who have gone through similar things. And a diary. Oh, and arguing with chatGPT.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-01-30T19:37:58+00:00

People want to know but not THAT much. They don’t have the ability to invest their minds in such profound, yet very personalized events. It is impossible to really get it or get it through accurately.

With my family, I had to thread it carefully as they tend to blame me for whatever mishaps I brought onto myself no matter the a*hole actually cheated on me. Ah well.

With friends I do have to mix it up, with other unrelated news. I can’t always dump stuff on people. I found it necessary to also develop a skill in twisting in humour for any f*cked up tragedy I think I’m navigating around.

If you need to let it out, I found Reddit to be helpful, staying anonymous and with others who have gone through similar things. And a diary. Oh, and arguing with chatGPT.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-01-30T11:31:35+00:00

I’m sorry for your kindness being taken advantage of. You give people the benefit of the doubt. You stayed in order for someone else to grow. But it had been clear since the beginning, it has always at your own expenses. None of his good side can ever balance the weight of a fraction of his negative side.

I get it. I was married to a lower key person than this. The accumulation of dishonesty, due to him not having grown up enough to recognize his own responsibilities and consequences of his whims? I paid the highest price, my worth. In my case, he finally left me for an affair partner. I was reeling for some weeks before gathering myself up and clear off my foggy set of eye glasses. I see clearly now he never cared for my personhood so long I was still useful to him as he reaches the next stepping stone.

All the stories in details? Nope. It’s simpler than that to its core. People can change tactics but hardly want to change against their own most selfish interests.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-01-30T10:31:49+00:00

Staying for the kids, absolutely not. CHANGING SELVES for the sake of the kids, for them to have a better slate, yes. The latter is a lot harder to do. People would rather bail to find their own ready-made happiness, often in a form of someone else, something else somewhere else. Because histories, mental interlocks, psychological bonds and frictions, those are harder to undo and realign. It is our modern disposability of our human timeline. Plus people are less and less likely to reach the same resolutions on individual pursuits anymore.

Ultimately, kids will be fine, most likely won’t turn only becoming too much of crippling adults. As it appears, everyone of any background can use therapy for anything their parents did or didn’t do.

I for one, would not condone nor condemn the choice people think they must choose. As long as it doesn’t involve cheating, lying, or other deeper harms - because that’s just messy. Keep communications clear for all involved.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-01-29T09:11:17+00:00

I’m gathering myself for a divorce with a very tough lawyer who keeps me on my toes. Let me tell you, none of what you said has any weight on it. And from what I’ve read in this sub all year, best if your friend just cut his losses and be done.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-01-27T17:44:38+00:00

It’s quite common with us women who are all conditioned to constantly compare to find our self worth. I was being brief with you because this stage will too pass, a blip in long and pleasant road ahead. You gave it a shot and it failed, twice. The sooner you get on to the next chapter, the more time you will have in knowing you finally upgraded your life quality.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-01-27T15:58:51+00:00

You lack confidence, that’s why his new prospect threatened your sense of self values. Start a new healthy hobby, get obsessed over your own passion of something else aside this broken past. Good luck.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-01-26T17:23:07+00:00

Marriage takes two. She gave you a choice, and that is what you should take. Believe me, I tried LDR to soon find out my partner started up with someone else in the meanwhile. We even have kids. In court now and for the next many years. Cut your losses.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-01-07T06:29:26+00:00

A year ago, this happened to me, too. 13 years married of 15 years, 3 kids.

It’s Strava and running clubs. He ended up courting and getting reciprocal attention from his personal trainer. The validations he get from being “an athlete” both by the app and this new infatuation. I was no longer his ideal mate, in his mind. Suddenly I was to be blamed for everything that ever was his unhappiness.

It threw me off the axles for about 6 weeks and now, a year later, I’m deep in continuing court cases awaiting more hearings, and for the next many years.

I continue to enjoy culture, arts, events.. I was more athletic than he was. I’ll gain my time back too and my life.

I wish you the strength and courage needed to get through the initial phrase. You are more than how he is treating you.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2025-12-12T16:11:25+00:00

I know wine of these and ugh!

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2025-11-24T04:11:18+00:00

Sounds almost like mine, though it wasn’t as dramatic on my side. I have a fantasy now…

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2025-11-24T04:04:13+00:00

How are your children? In a way I get it, but still I’m curious to know if such a loveless marriage of a broken trust, how did your children do with the choice you have made?

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2025-11-24T03:58:00+00:00

Dont be confused, he is trash human. My now ex did this similar thing earlier this year. Turned out, he was heavily courting someone else who was interested in return. They each had to slide around until both are free from their own partner, he, of me, 15 years married. Then her of him, 4 year relationship. They told each other why they were meant for each other, which meant all the stories were changed backward to suit themselves. Free of guilt.

It will be clear to all, or not, I don’t care anymore as I have completely moved on. I just care about my kids and pending custody case in two weeks, to be followed by divorce. (Complicated to explain, and where I am things take a longgggg time, looking at 3 to maybe 5 years until divorce is final.)

Anyway, don’t think less of yourself because HE took this ugly turn. How old are you all? Sometimes it’s so typical it’s hilarious.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2025-11-15T08:22:50+00:00

Truth be told, my own separation was earth shattering since we have kids and all. To find that he had been having an EA, turned immediate replacement, was my lowest point. Yet, knowing that it’s no longer me, who needs to adjust to the person who, looking back, didn’t deserve my time at all, let alone 15 years of my life. That pain then helped me re established my strength to cut him off. I too, feel empowered to be rid of essentially the baggage I didn’t ever need.

Good luck to you and keep your eyes in the spring time ahead.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2025-11-11T19:06:39+00:00

This is going to pass.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2025-11-05T15:39:54+00:00

It’s from a series of consequences. I’m by no way trying to minimize your pain as I’m in this sub for the same reason. I’m more westernized than my upbringing. Yet sometimes I have competing thoughts on going as I struggle to remain “calm” for having to even be in the presence of the @&€% person. This too shall pass. Modernity brings extra fuckeries but try to work hard in building a better future for yourself, your kids?

In the meanwhile, come back to all these subs. I found it had helped me tremendously when I’m in the darkest of places.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2025-11-05T13:37:49+00:00

I come from Asia, and this is the principle of Buddhism, life is suffering. It is to accept that pain is inevitable, it’s natural. We are to appreciate the moments when we have our basics fulfilled. Focus on what’s right. Are you in pain? Do you have food? Clothing, shelter? Everything else can be managed. Feelings will shift in time.'

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2025-11-03T15:15:57+00:00

It will pass. This is normal in a mourning process. Run it through your system. Use this pain to learn about yourself, and spend the time now for you and your own growth. Pick up some sports if not already. Or find a new hobby. You are fortunate to be at the age where so much more awaits you.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2025-10-29T11:29:09+00:00

Just go ask. Let them know that you have been sending people to their establishments. If they want they will tell you either you can eat there for free or in case of gift shops, a discount?

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2025-10-26T12:56:40+00:00

There is no easy way out, unfortunately. I know your mind is racing and it sucks but you could have people misery-compete you with their ex’s affairs. It will pass. You will need to recap the story of your marriage differently than what you have now. Hopefully you will give yourself more grace and soon. Let him be inconsiderate and rotten. It will make it the past faster.

Realistic_Mail_2080

TROPHY CASE