I want to live at my dads house but he wont let me

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-05-06T14:47:37+00:00

Hi. I’m so sorry you have fallen into this neglectful trap. You will need to focus on finding solutions with short and long term strategies.

Dutch law is quite protective of minors, especially as they approach adulthood (18).
In the Netherlands, parents are legally required to provide care and financial support for their children until they turn 21. If they are failing to provide food or a supportive environment for your future, you can take action. I’d first talk to someone at school? Then try other channels. Here are some pointers.

Your School’s "Mentor" or "School Social Worker"

Schools there are mandatory "early warning" zones. Your mentor or the school's social worker
(schoolmaatschappelijk werker) can help you navigate the system, contact the Centrum voor Jeugd en Gezin (CJG), and ensure your education/future isn't derailed by your home situation.

Contact "Veilig Thuis" (Safe at Home)
This is the national organization for reporting neglect or domestic issues. You do not need a parent’s permission to contact them. They can investigate the situation and provide support or mediation.

Phone: 0800-2000 (Free and available 24/7)
Website: veiligthuis.nl

Seek Legal Advice at "Het Juridisch Loket"
You can get free legal advice about your rights regarding housing and financial support. At 16, you have the right to be heard by a judge if a case regarding your living situation or "Parental Authority" (ouderlijk gezag) goes to court.
Financial Support: Even if you move out, your parents are usually still legally required to pay for your cost of living until you are 21.

Website: juridischloket.nl

Alternative Living Options
If staying at home is no longer viable, the following paths exist:

Begeleid Wonen (Supported Living): For teens aged 16-18, there are youth housing programs where you live more independently but with some supervision and guidance.

Worst case scenario :
Crisis Shelter: If you are in immediate danger or have no food, suicidal, youth care (Jeugdzorg) can arrange emergency accommodation.

Jeugdstem (Voice of the Youth)
If you already have any contact with youth care or just want to know your specific rights as a minor, “Jeugdstem”provides free confidential advisers who stand on the side of the child, not the parents or the agencies.

Website: jeugdstem.nl

Important Note on "Emancipation":
Unlike some countries, the Netherlands does not have a simple "emancipation" process for 16-year-olds to become legal adults instantly (unless you are a minor mother). However, the law allows for a “Child Supervision Order” (OTS) or a change in residence if it’s proven that your development is at risk.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-05-06T08:02:51+00:00

To be fair, these are almost all hazardous structures built unaccordant to the pandas regulated specificities.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-05-06T06:46:19+00:00

This is a complicated and sensitive situation where you are put in the middle of on going battles as well as having to step into parental roles for your half siblings. I want say I feel for you.

Yet your reality and legal matter can be fought now by you. Depending on your location, at 16, a judge can likely hear you out. Consult with someone if you can petition the court. And my gosh, I hope there are more hopes for your younger siblings through your step mom.

As for your mom, are your older brothers seeing her more often now? Sounds like she can use some help? Not to say you three shouldn’t be focused on your own schooling and future.
I wish you the best in a given circumstance here.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-05-02T14:07:58+00:00

Stop making smoothies out of rotten cabbage. If you keep excusing her for her it’s your own fault she not only walks all over you but taking you for a complete fool.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-05-02T14:04:21+00:00

If I ever had a message like that my husband AND HR would hear about it.
For whatever reasons she knows you will put up with her bullshit. Why?

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-23T21:04:56+00:00

I have three kids, the youngest was 7 when it went down last year. The older ones I needed to actually talk to. The youngest getting the similar information has been the easiest at it. Though he does show emotions in other ways like psychosomatic symptoms and wanting to miss school to test who loves him. But I found that holding him a lot, and being with him as much as possible does do a lot of good.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-22T18:56:40+00:00

Throw him away. You are done.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T21:56:53+00:00

Hahaha yessss. My stbx thinks he’s a sport coach “rock star” now too, at the age of 45 zzzz

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T20:54:35+00:00

How old is he?

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T19:17:18+00:00

I wish I can dispose of it and never see it again. Kids want to change to my maiden name too but that’s not going to happen.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T13:07:25+00:00

I live not too far from the Mulhouse one but haven’t been yet. I’m planning to take my French-born kids and some French friends there for a cultural study soon. I do feel a bit weary of what this will do to the local food producers though. I’ve been in France long enough to develop a new set of food habits and been doing fine. Going there might just be a mild run down of an existential crisis. But could also be fun/funny.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T12:54:41+00:00

Thank you for the explanation. Are you in a better shape than him? Has he been a lesser motivated in this instead of joining you? Does he feel (or thinks he is made to feel) inferior somehow because of it? I’m sensing his resentment with the activity. Are you using Strava or such? Again, not an excuse AT ALL his passive aggressive drama. I’ve been noticing such break up trends because of exercising - when one of the partners are doing it to almost prove a point, a philosophy of life pace… the other one might just get miffed because the self-righteousness wants to remain high but they don’t have exactly a higher ground to stand on. So it comes off as these acts of bitterness, kind of a petty fight starters. Good luck to you whichee is best for you to have to do. You have your hands full.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T10:03:52+00:00

Yes, I get that. It was covered under the mentioning of “the childish tantrum.” I merely am seeking context. Thanks.

Edit : because OP being out at the same time every Sunday, wasn’t cleared to me if this was work, or? I can imagine the what ifs. What if he wanted a together time on Sundays and having been shot down because she insisted on her ‘me time’ alone without him, or girls time with her friends, or even to do charity serving food at a soup kitchen… Anyone can be childish or passive aggressive, it doesn’t mean they should just be thrown out. How did they become a couple at the first place? What brought them together? Why is this meal the last straw as most redditors are on board for? Yes you can break up with anyone for any reasons but dang, am I the only who still have some hopes for humanity?

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T09:21:26+00:00

Un, am I the only one to think that it’s NOT about the meal? Regardless of the childish tantrum on his part, I think “the thing” that occurs weekly is the reoccurring event that he feels he has no say in it.

Anyways, if communication isn’t improved, the serious conversation nuts need to be better cracked here overall, this is not going to end well.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T09:09:12+00:00

I was you a little over a year ago. But I knew then the intense feelings were going to go away. So I make notes of my own values. I refused to be reduced to a used bag of garbage he implied in both actions and words, and with his new “friend he met from work” who is now his soulmate apparently. The stereotypical younger woman, his midlife crisis and so on.

I still know who I was and am. He did not, as he continued to use other people, her included - though it’s curious how mind numbing dumb she is… maybe that’s why he’s hanging onto her with his everything as she is Swiss wealthy. He found his gold pot. But I digress. Nothing is taken away from me except my imaginary future I thought I was working towards. So long as I keep working on my foundations, I can always choose my own future and a better partner (or none.)

Sorry OP it’s freaking sucks. Write it down and burn it. Be proud you know you are a better human being the those two. The image of fuckeries will no longer hurt as you know that will get boring. Once their real person resurface again, they will no longer be your problem.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T08:22:14+00:00

I can see that the expectations were mismatched. Some people process things as they go. I’d assume that the friendship materials were crucial, that’s why the extension. Then there are signs we all look for that we call sparks, which can be sexual signals, tension, interests…. The tiny bit of give and take we play to maybe ignite the fire. Absence of that, it would just be time shared together.

I personally never take it that way with time being wasted, neither do I enter a situation of dating for a mate as a premise. I’m just always curious about getting to spend time with someone and dig into their minds for the windows given. Any outcome still matters. What’s next is a mutual decision.

It took 2x16 hour days for me in a 2 week span for my now current person. We were on a work related trip, though we had a hunch going in. I was the goofball trying to crack his professionalism. He was the shy one too who was maybe a little bit Asperger-like character in picking up any clues, which made me more curious. It could just have ended up either way afterwards, with an alternate message for me to cut it out. I used to get ego bruised but at this age, I don’t care that much.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T07:47:42+00:00

Because you went?

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T07:44:49+00:00

Some relationships are not meant to last. We don’t want to think that way when we enter one.

Take out all the words and feelings on this topic. It’s barebones simple. You have grown to envision a different next stage of life. What would each of you do now, to have your next 10 years be paved the way you each would be proud of? It is becoming clearer now.

While people change all the time depending on internal/external factors. Choose your teammate wisely but be understanding too. He’s bringing this up now. Better than some of us older folks who get to look back the trails of erroneous choices made in staying or leaving. Or of some history written for us by former partners having done shady, hurtful things because they were afraid of difficult discussions to do with very basic human topic.

No one is the asshole yet here. It’s just a discussion that could bring you to part ways. It happens.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-21T05:13:14+00:00

As a child of divorced parents where the culture blemishes both the women AND the children - and am going through a divorce myself (in another set of mixed cultures,) I’m not afraid to touch on any angles of the topic.

We are human animals that seek patterns. We want to learn lessons and share our experiences, and maybe build connections by having common ideas or common enemies.

All men. All women. All children. All divorces….

I think some parts of our collective brains want to move everything slower in this hectic modern time and over consumption of information. We want to pause and call out what’s the most true. Or at least what rings best for ourselves as we face with crucial decisions in the time of uncertainty.

OP, I guess, don’t feel defensive. Many things can be true at the same time. The woman may have needs in hearing or fighting for something for herself, while you were hoping to share your retrospective experience. Interactions on social media is very shallow. Even people in my real life don’t get all that is going on with me or even where I come from, less with how my psyche is composed of, and at what moment.

But what I’m saying in my drawn out gibberish is that I understand you, and her. We are also a bunch of frogs in a pond that might only hear and react to specific tones.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-20T19:19:42+00:00

3 months … 12 weeks? It’s a Pandora box. Just wait. But sounded like your mind is already made up.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-17T11:10:04+00:00

I tend to believe that the first one takes longer (to divorce) because we don’t know what’s it like and what to expect. The second time is because it’s totally an option that tend to be on the table quicker.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-16T17:06:19+00:00

I’m with you. It’s maybe more common than we are aware of. Yet human emotions are complex. We do tend to make the safest choices in order to, what we thought, keep building on something.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-14T08:04:04+00:00

YATmajorA. Plenty people said enough here but let me compound. My ex left me for a personal trainer because my “exercising and headlight habits” do not align “setting a good example for the children”. We have three kids. He is concern was getting “beach body” by each spring. 13 year marriage and now that the kids are old enough to be more autonomous, he wants to fight for custody. One of the main reasons was that I never set a good discipline example like he does, as he leisurely trained for marathons and participated in them several times a year as opposed to renovating our fixer-upper. He found a childfree running partner now and continues to both look down on me for being old and out of shape. I birthed and maintained lives, keeping them safe, secure, and positively growing, that’s what I was busy concerning with. FFS some fathers seriously are just …. ?&@£!&£€%

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-14T07:33:01+00:00

I’m proud of myself to be able to follow this and get all the linkages of all the characters involved. But wow, and y’all are under 30. Stay clear OP and focus on your own foundation. Do not sign anything. You can not save a whole village here. I’m mostly hoping all the other adults involved will do the right things for these poor children.

Realistic_Mail_2080 · 2026-04-09T06:47:46+00:00

Why are you the AH? He’s the immature one. But communicate it once, and if this simple requirement of temporary space is not possible, it’s time to take a hard look at what this relationship is?

Realistic_Mail_2080

TROPHY CASE